Page 79 of The Frog Prince
“But?”
He scooted himself to the edge of the bed and sat with his back to Otto, resting his head on his palms. What was wrong with him?
“Talk to me,” Otto whispered.
Alwin closed his eyes. “Why?”
“Because I want to know.”
“No, why did you kiss me?” Alwin asked.
He heard rustling as Otto came to sit beside him, his warm presence comforting and confusing at the same time.
“I wanted to,” Otto said simply.
“I’m not human. I can’t kiss you the way a man would.”
“I am very aware of that,” Otto replied, almost shy. “I…I don’t mind that.”
“How can you not mind it?” Alwin frowned. “It wouldn’t feel the same. It wouldn’t…feel right for you. It might not be good for you. I can’t say.”
“I don’t have an explanation. I just know I enjoy your company, and I wanted to kiss you. So I did. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”
“You didn’t. There are no lines for you. I simply…I wasn’t ready to disappoint you.”
“I wouldn’t have been disappointed,” Otto whispered, sliding his hand over and brushing against the back of Alwin’s fingers. Alwin turned them over slowly, the sticky, pink pads revealed. “I understand your kisses will be different in form. It doesn’t mean I wish for them any less.”
Alwin lost a breath at the implication, meeting Otto’s bold gaze that was battling with his embarrassed blush. He got a vivid image of his finger against Otto’s mouth, smearing wetness and tugging at his lips the way his own couldn’t. Of them sucking ‘kisses’ against his skin, suctioning bruises that would last longer than a passionate mouth.
“But it is completely okay not to be ready,” Otto said, averting his eyes, as if to avoid pressuring him.
It stunned Alwin. Otto constantly put Alwin off balance, offering him validation where he thought to find a scorn that matched his self-disgust.
“Perhaps…someday?” Alwin said, feeling like he was pushing his luck. Like he’d just thrown away something he’d never get the chance to have again.
He should have counted his blessings that Otto had done it in the first place. He should have taken what was offered and been grateful for it. He should have let it happen and cherished the chance to have it in the first place.
Stopping him and then demanding things he had no right to demand was too much. Much more than he deserved.
“Someday sounds like a very good idea,” Otto said.
Alwin turned to look at him, the storm inside him settling at the sight of that gentle, kind smile directed at him. “It does?”
“I’m here, Alwin. I…I might not know what this is, but I know I want you. So, whenever you feel ready, I’ll be here.”
“I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to initiate.” Alwin looked away again.
“I don’t mind initiating,” Otto said, “as long as you promise to do just what you did now. Stop me if you don’t want it?”
“That doesn’t sound terribly fair.”
“I’m the only one affected, and I say it’s plenty fair.” Otto sprawled back onto the bed, pulling the dried moss blanket on top of him.
Alwin watched him in the dark and realized he was lying much closer to the center of the bed than before, leaving very little room.
“Can I…” He wished he could find his way back to the suave prince he used to be. This stuttering, insecure mess of a being just wasn’t fun. “Can I still sleep here?”
“Of course.” Otto spread his arms and wiggled his fingers. “Do you mind if I hold you?”
