Page 32 of Make Your Shot
“Why?” Carson questions me, his tone lighter.
My hands tighten on the steering wheel as I let my eyelids fall shut. “Because I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m ready. I’m not sure if I ever will be.”
Carson’s silent as he lays his hand on my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze. “And that’s okay too,” he says softly, giving me another squeeze. “I think one day you will be, but only you will know when you are. Amelia wouldn’t want you like this, you know that, right? She would want you happy, even if that means you’re finding happiness with another person.”
My chest constricts as his words seep through the spaces between my ribs.
“Being attracted to someone else isn’t a betrayal to Amelia, and getting involved with someone else doesn’t mean you’re replacing her or forgetting about her.” He pauses letting out a soft exhale. “She’s not here, Cale. She’s not coming back.”
“I know that,” I admit, my voice hoarse and thick with emotion. “Moving on just feels wrong.”
“I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but I promise you, it’s not wrong. It’s a normal part of the process of healing.” He releases his grip on my shoulder. “Life continues on and the ones who are living need to keep doing just that. It’s a disservice to the ones we’ve lost if we don’t.”
His words strike the organ beating beneath my ribcage. I slowly loosen my grip on the steering wheel,letting my hands fall into my lap as I turn to look at my brother. He’s so right and none of this is news to me. I’ve gone over this with my therapist so many times, I could recite it word for word.
Although, this is the first time someone has given me this perspective. We truly are doing the dead a disservice by not living life to the fullest.
“Honor her by living your life, Cale.” Carson’s eyes slowly search mine. “Don’t take a single moment or a single second for granted.”
“Thanks, Cars.”
His lips lift into a smile. “Always, bro. I’m here for you—to war and back.”
“To war and back,” I murmur the words back to him, dipping my chin. Carson mimics my actions, tapping his hand on my car door before he heads to his own vehicle. I pull the door shut, staring straight ahead for a few moments, replaying the conversation with him in my head.
Honor her by living your life.
I let my eyelids flutter shut as I tilt my head back to rest against the headrest. My mind wanders, attempting to conjure the image of Amelia’s face behind my eyelids, but the memory is fuzzy. Her features aren’t crisp like they once were.
Her lips lift into a smile.It’s okay, babe.I hear her voice drifting through the darkness of my mind. Find the joy in life. Laugh and love, always.
I hold onto the moment for a few seconds before her face dissipates from my thoughts. Her words linger, long after I finally open my eyes and start the engine.Amelia would want me to be happy, but what if I don’t know how to be?
What if I’m too afraid to let myself feel that again?
What if I let someone in and lose them too?
As I walk through the house with two iced coffees in hand, I realize it’s quiet—too quiet. My heart quickens in my chest, beating harder as my feet move faster. I head through the living room and kitchen, pausing by the back door to see if they’re in the pool. I need to close it within the next few weeks and I make a mental note to remind myself to have the pool company come out then.
There’s still no sign of Mia or Tella. I head back through the foyer to the stairs and make my way up to the second floor. I poke my head into all the rooms, my stomach flipping over itself when I don’t find them in Tella’s room.
Where the hell are they?
I slowly turn around and notice that the room Mia’s been staying in has the door left ajar. I close the distance, walking directly up to it when I peer through the small space, catching sight of Mia and Tella. They’re both sitting on the floor, Tella in front of Mia as she does some kind of a fancy braid with Tella’s dark hair.
Relief washes over me, my lungs deflating, heart slowing as I see that they’re both here, safe and sound. Lifting my foot, I tap on the door before pushing itopen, gaining both of their attention. Mia glances over her shoulder at me as Tella does the same.
“Hi, Daddy,” Tella says softly, smiling from ear to ear. “Mia is doing a fishtail braid in my hair!”
“I see that, T,” I smile back at her, my eyes drifting to Mia’s as she watches me carefully. Her eyes are rounded again, giving me those puppy dog eyes as something like uncertainty passes through them. “Hey, pup.”
Blush creeps across her cheeks. “I’m not a puppy.”
Tella giggles, but doesn’t comment on it. She just settles back in front of Mia, patiently waiting for her to finish.
“How was practice?”
“Good,” I tell Mia, walking deeper into the room, standing to the side of them to watch Mia’s fingers move with precision to the ends of Mia’s hair. “You’re really good at that.”
