Page 75 of Make Your Shot
“You’re up early,” Willow says softly as she steps out onto the back deck. She walks over to where I’m sitting by the railing, holding two mugs with steam rolling from the tops. She hands me one as she sits down in the seat next to me. “Did you watch the sunrise?”
“Yeah.” I lift the mug to my lips, the liquid burning my tongue as I take a small sip. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Willow frowns as she looks out at the shimmering surface of the lake. The sun is nestled just above the horizon, the hues of pink and yellow and orange melting in the morning sky. “You haven’t been sleeping well this whole week. How are you feeling?”
Mentally drained. Emotionally exhausted.
Willow came to stay with me for a few days and has been hovering like a damn helicopter.
“I feel much better, actually. It seems like my headaches have gone away and everything’s pretty much back to normal.”
She looks at me. “Except for your sleep.”
“It’s hard to sleep when he’s all I can see when I close my eyes.”
“Shit,” she says softly, blowing out a breath. “He still hasn’t said anything else to you?”
I slowly shake my head at her. “Whatever it was, is clearly done.” I pause, my gaze dropping down to my coffee for a moment before I look back at her. “I knew better than to get involved with him. I knew this was most likely what would happen in the end, but it still didn’t prepare me for how bad it would hurt.”
“Because it’s not what you wanted to happen,” she tells me, her expression softening as she stares at me. “I doubt you were anticipating it actually happening.”
Tears burn my eyes and I quickly blink them away, directing my gaze back out to the water. “I think I just need to try and forget about him.”
“Do you think it’s worth trying to talk to him?”
I slowly shake my head from side to side. “He was pretty clear in his messages.” Disappointment and hurt prick my skin as my brain wanders over the messages. He didn’t come to me in the hospital, which I wasn’t fully expecting him to because of Tella. But not once did he try to see me after the accident. Not once did heactually check in on me except to send me a message to break my heart.
And the worst part? He couldn’t even be direct about that.
Instead, he leaned into our working relationship, claiming it was better if Andi and Nova watch Tella. I had a damn concussion, not a serious injury that would require months of rehab.
“Listen, this isn’t me sticking up for him at all, but maybe show him a little bit of grace,” Willow suggests, her voice quiet. “Just think about it for a second. He lost his wife in a fatal car accident and then you and his daughter end up getting into an accident. That had to be triggering for him.”
Her words sink into my mind and I mull over them. It’s a thought that has already crossed my mind. Caleb has already shown what his fear can do to him, but at some point, you have to let that go, right?
“It is what it is,” I tell her, lifting my shoulders with indifference as I shrug it off. “Even if it were triggering, he could still be honest with me. He could have told me that, instead of making it seem like I’m no longer capable of watching Tella. He didn’t have to go and replace me.”
Willow blows out a deep breath. “I know,” she agrees, slowly bobbing her head. “I don’t disagree with you at all. I’m just trying to look at it objectively and from both sides.” She pauses, running her tongue over her teeth. “I wish I had a solution. The only thing I can suggest is for you guys to have a real conversation.”
Emotion compounds in my chest. My resolve iswavering and the pain and the rejection roll over me in waves. I just want to see him. I want to feel him and hear his voice, but I can’t. His last message didn’t leave room for me to respond, really.
“I don’t think I can,” I admit, my voice cracking around my words. “Not right now at least.”
Willow turns her head to look at me. “You love him, don’t you?”
I swallow hard over the lump in my throat, tears burning the corners of my eyes. “I do.” I let out a shallow breath and allow the tears to fall while simultaneously wiping them away with haste. “I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“Fuck,” Willow swallows, a frown tugging down on her lips as her forehead creases. “We don’t get to choose who we love, babe,” she says. She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “And it has an uncanny way of happening when we least expect it.”
“I never should have let him in.”
Willow tilts her head to the side. “The time you had with him though, was it good?”
“Yes.”
“Did he make you feel loved, even if he didn’t say it?”
“Yes,” I say again, swallowing back my emotion. “No one has ever looked at me the way he does. No one has ever made me feel the way he does.”
