Page 77 of Make Your Shot
“She hasn’t said anything to me, but she’s also shut everyone out. Willow’s staying with her right now and I texted her yesterday to check in. She said she’s feeling better physically, but she still isn’t herself.” He pauses,sliding his glasses back up over the bridge of her nose. “Now it’s evident that it has nothing to do with the accident and everything to do with you.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah,” he mumbles, pursing his lips and shaking his head at me. “You know she tried to prevent the accident from happening. Your daughter was her only concern when it happened.”
Emotion lodges itself in my throat. “I know.” I pause, inhaling deeply. “I’m not mad at her and I don’t blame her for what happened. It’s a relief that both of them are okay.”
“Then what is the problem?”
I run my hand through my hair, tugging slightly on the ends. “The thought of something happening to either of them—it was something I couldn’t handle at the time.” I press my thumb and pointer finger to my eyebrows, smoothing them out. “The whole thing was triggering for me. I couldn’t help but think back to Amelia’s accident.”
Coach Landry’s expression softens and he slowly nods. “You know, I lost my wife too.”
My eyes find his. “Mia mentioned something, but not the specifics.”
“Of course she didn't,” he says, shaking his head. “She never wants to burden anyone.” He lets out a deep sigh. “My wife died giving birth to her. It was a traumatic experience that left me fucked up for years.”
“I’m sorry,” I say in a hushed tone. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you.”
“I’m sure eerily similar to your experience. Being asingle dad with a young daughter is so hard and so frightening.”
I slowly nod in understanding. I know exactly what he’s talking about. “It’s why I’m just better at being single. I survived losing Amelia, but I’m not so certain I’d survive another loss.”
“Do you know what fear actually does?”
I shake my head at him.
“It’s like a chain that keeps you from living your life to the fullest. It makes you question everything that might bring you joy or happiness, all because your fear is too busy making you worry about what might happen if you lose it.”
The words he speaks seep into my brain, lodging themselves in the crevices. He’s right and I know it, I just don’t know how to break the chains. I don’t know how to fight the fear.
“You can’t fully live while you’re worrying about what you haven’t lost already.”
That sentence hits me like a ton of bricks in the center of my chest. My throat tightens, restricting my air flow. “How do you do it?”
“You have to just let go of it. It’s a conscious choice and decision you have to make. Sometimes people are worth the risk of getting hurt.” He tilts his head to the side. “If you knew you were going to lose your wife when you first met her, would you have chosen to not be with her? Would you have given up the opportunity to love her, even if it were for a short amount of time?”
Holy fuck.
Tears burn my eyes and I give a swift shake of my head. “No, I wouldn’t have.”
“So, are you going to throw this away with Mia because of what you’re afraid might happen?”
I stare at him, my head moving again. “No.”
Ever since losing Amelia, I’ve operated solely from a place of being scared to death of what might happen in the future. And by living that way, I’ve been sacrificing the chance to live in the present moment. I’ve pushed Mia away because I don’t want to lose her, but by doing that, I’m only losing her sooner.
We both deserve the chance to be loved by one another, even if something bad happens one day. We can’t predict what will happen and I need to stop pretending like I can control any of that.
“Then you need to go to her. You need to make it right...before you end up losing her forever.” He pauses, his gaze trained on mine. “You still have a chance, Caleb,” he says. “Make your shot and make it count.”
I rise to my feet as his words sink into the fibers of my soul. He’s right. I’ve been a goddamn idiot and being away from her has only been dragging me into the pits of misery. Mia is the good I need in my life and she makes it easy to forget about the bad. She’s so good with Tella and it’s clear to see that Tella loves her.
And so do I . . .
“My daughter deserves to be happy,” Coach Landry says as he stands up and walks over to clasp his hand on my shoulder. He gives me a gentle squeeze, his eyes locked in on mine. “And so do you.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
