Page 79 of Make Your Shot
She stands on the opposite side of the kitchen, her head bent over a book as she lightly taps a measuring cup to a steady beat beside a metal bowl. The faint sound of music drifts through the air and I find myself swallowing over the lump lodged in my throat as I stare at her from a safe distance. The invisible string that tethers us tugs on me.
Who am I kidding? There’s nothing safe about this magnetic pull between us. There’s nothing safe about Mia Landry and me and I’m tired of letting the fear control me. I’m tired of being afraid of letting myself feel these intense feelings toward her. I want to feel it all. The happiness, the joy, and the excitement. The fear, the sadness, and the pain.
And the love.
I move deeper into the room, stepping into her peripheral vision. Her head whips to the side, hand flying up to her ear to pluck out an earbud as she staresat me like a deer in headlights, frozen in place with her eyes wide.
“Caleb,” she says in a rush. Her eyebrows cinch together and she removes the other earbud as her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here for you, pup.”
She turns around to face me fully and stares at me for a moment, her jaw flexing on a clench as she gives a quick shake of her head. “Why? You were pretty clear when you pushed me out of your life earlier this week.”
My heart cracks at the coldness in her tone. The muscles in my legs contract, wanting to go to her, but I stop myself from taking a step. “I fucked up.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she levels her gaze on mine. “Did your new babysitting plans fall through?”
“What? No,” I tell her, shaking my head back and forth. This time I can’t help myself as I take a step toward her. I immediately stop as she steps backward. My forehead creases, my heart cracking. “That’s not all you are to me, Mia. Tella does miss you, but she’s not the only one.”
Her arms uncross and she sucks in a deep breath as she tucks her hair behind her ear. “Caleb, just don’t,” she says with a pained look in her eyes. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“I miss you, Mia,” I press, my voice cracking around my words. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I shouldn’t have shut you out.”
“Yeah, but you did,” she says in a rush, shaking herhead at me. “You acted like everything between us was transactional. You were so dismissive, as if there was nothing else between us other than me being your nanny.” She lets out a ragged breath, her eyes drifting away from mine. “I can’t do this.”
She spins on her heel, leaving me in the kitchen as she strides toward the back door. I’m frozen in place, staring after her like a goddamn idiot as she slides her feet into a pair of shoes and slips out onto the back deck.
I know I fucked up, I know the way I pushed her away was wrong, but I didn’t expect to hear that from her. Nothing between us was transactional and that’s exactly how I made it seem when I told her I didn’t need her help anymore. I acted like a fucking coward and I need to make this right.
I head to the front door to grab my shoes, then run to the back of the house. She’s already in the back yard, her feet moving quickly as she heads in the direction of the lake. In a haste, I shove my feet into my shoes, heading out through the back door and directly to the stairs.
“Mia, wait,” I call out after her as I jog down the stairs after her. She doesn’t bother to look back as she steps onto the dock, her gaze straight ahead, staring out at the water. The dark clouds are almost completely over us and in the distance, you can see the raindrops falling.
“Mia!” I practically yell her name as my feet hit the wooden dock. Her back is still toward me and my heart is falling to pieces.
“Goddammit, I’m in love with you!” My voice cracks, fracturing around the words as I watch her immediately come to a stop in the middle of the dock. She slowly turns around to face me, tears welling in her eyes. I step closer to her and tilt my head to the side as I take her in. “I love you.”
“Caleb,” she says, her eyes rounding as she stares up at me. Her expression is unreadable and her lips are parted, as if she’s going to say something else, but she quickly closes them as I take another step closer.
“Pup,” I say to her, emotion enveloping me as my voice shakes. “I’m so goddamn sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for making you think that there was nothing between us, because it’s the furthest thing from that. This is everything.Youare everything.”
She closes the remaining distance between us, her hands reaching for me as something inside me finally breaks. My entire body sags and I collapse onto my knees in front of her. “Oh, love,” she murmurs, closing the distance between us as she slips her hands through my hair.
Circling my arms around her waist, I pull her to me, burying my face in her stomach as she strokes my head. I surrender to my emotions, letting everything hit me at once. The pain, the fear, the joy, the love.
Everything.
“When you got in that accident, I was so scared and that fear paralyzed me,” I admit, my tears staining the front of her shirt as I cling to her like my life depends on it. “It triggered me and all I could think about was losing Amelia.” I pause, sucking in a deep breath, myshoulders shaking. “And how I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you like I lost her.”
“Shh,” she whispers, her fingers smoothing my hair. “I know,” she says, her voice soothing my soul. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“I never imagined I’d be able to love someone after her and I have been afraid of losing the memory of her with that happening. Falling for you hasn’t been easy. It’s something I’ve fought the entire way because of feeling guilty for loving someone other than Amelia. But the love I feel for you is so different and I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for any of it. The way I loved her was always safe and predictable. The way I love you is explosive and consuming.”
I let out a ragged sigh, reveling in the way she feels in my arms. Knowing I never want to feel the absence of her again.
“I’m tired of fighting against my feelings for you. I’m tired of living in fear of things that haven’t even happened yet. I just want to love you and whatever happens, happens. I know I can’t control any of it, regardless of how badly I want to be able to.”
“Caleb,” Mia says, her hands sliding down to my arms as she tries to lift me upwards. I pull my head away from her, tilting my chin to look up at her. Tears streak down her cheeks. “Stand up.”
