Page 109 of Racing Heat
I hit send and head for the shower. I wash away all of last night’s makeup, the perfume I was wearing just for him, and scrub the shame from my body. I was so stupid. How could I let a man take something that means so much to me? How could I bethatwoman? Didn’t feminism and all the hard work that female athletes put in before me mean anything? Apparently not, because I was able to throw it away so easily on an English accent and a man with a nice body.
After my shower, I head out to the couch, where I’ve decided I’m going to rot for the day. I’m giving myself today and tomorrow to wallow, and then I have to start figuring out what I’ll be doing with the rest of my life. Whether that’s getting a job and remaining in Tampa or running home with my tail between my legs.
Unfortunately, there’s no room on my couch for me to lie down. Mac and Amelia are perched on both ends, while Hendrix is pacing the room.
“I swear to God, I’m going to rip his balls off and feed them to him,” Hendrix roars. “Why the fuck are you fired while Jase gets to keep his job?”
“How do you know that Jase gets to keep his job?” I ask.
“Danny,” Mac answers for her.
I nod. Well, at least someone has checked on him.
I sink down between them on the couch. “You guys still have a team, so you may want to head to practice soon.”
Mac pulls me into a hug. “No, this isn’t over. We’re going to do something. I’m not sure what, but there has to be something that we can do.”
I shake my head. “I broke a very clear clause in my contract. There’s nothing to be done. This has been spun as far as you can spin it.”
“There has to be something we can do,” Amelia chimes in. “You can’t leave.”
“I can’t do this without you,” Mac tells me. “You and me playing together in the NWSL was the dream.”
“Well, I made a stupid decision and killed that dream,” I say, lying back into the couch. “It’s fine. It’s totally fine.”
“No, this can’t be it. This just can’t be it,” Hendrix chimes in, still pacing all around my living room. “There has to be something we can do.”
“Yeah, well, there isn’t.”
“Are you going to call Jase?” Amelia asks. “Do you think he knows that you’ve been fired?”
“I’m sure he does. But he’s probably not allowed to contact me or some shit like that. I’m sure August practically put a boot on his junk when it comes to me.” That makes Hendrix howl with laughter. “Maybe I should just be a comedian. I’m making her laugh.”
“You would totally rule at that. But you’re not going to need to do that. I’m going to fix this,” Hendrix says before storming out.
“It’s sweet of her to try, but there’s nothing she can do to fix this. You girls should go. It’s almost time for practice and you shouldn’t be late. You still play for the team.”
Mac sighs. “This can’t be over.”
“Well, it is.” My words are barely a whisper.
The girls leave for practice with the promise of checking on me later. I almost hope they don’t. I want to be alone. The day draws on with no word from Jase. Not that I expect one. I just really want him to come over or call, but he does neither. It addsto my sorrow and helps me stay lying on my couch feeling sorry for myself for a mess that I helped create.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
~JASE~
Cassie and I have been radio silent since she left me at the restaurant. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask Hendrix how she’s doing, but I can’t do that. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the drama of what happened between us impact the team, and that definitely would.
August pulled Cassie’s friends aside at the first practice and told them that under no circumstances should they talk to me or anyone else about Cassie or why she’s not with the team anymore. I can tell by the daggers Hendrix shoots at me while we’re training that she’s very angry at the decision the Blaze made.
My agent wasn’t too pleased with me either. Austin gave me a pretty good ass reaming for what I let happen. He told me that I was the one with authority in the situation, and I should have known better. He’s not wrong, I should have. He told me several times that I was lucky the Blaze retained me. Reminded that I was over here on a work visa, and if I no longer had a job as a coach, that I would have to go back. And being fired for sleeping with a player was not a high selling point for a new team to pick me up. He warned me that this opportunity was a gift and to stop taking it for granted.
The way Coach Watts announced that Cassie is no longer with the team bothered me. He didn’t say anything good about her. He didn’t say anything bad either. Just that she was no longer with the team. And we moved on.
It sucked.
Because I haven’t moved on. I want to see her, touch her, and hold her. But I can’t. I’m not supposed to reach out to her. I’m not supposed to even touch her. Hell, I shouldn’t have done it in the first place, but I did. And now I’m here and she’s not. I wouldn’t change the time we spent together. It was the happiest I’ve ever been. Even when I was married, we weren’t that happy. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What was right and what was wrong…it doesn’t matter. Because we’re not allowed to be together.
