Page 113 of Racing Heat
I shake my head. “No, but I haven’t seen nor heard from you since it happened. Isn’t that what he told you?”
He shakes his head. “You’re not a player on the Blaze anymore, so I’m not sure why it matters if I touch you.”
“Then why did you go so long without reaching out to me? Why didn’t you come to me as soon as you figured out that I had been fired?” I ask him.
“Because I was in the office and August told me to get to work. So that’s what I did. I went up into my office and picked out goalie kits.”
“Oh really, what color is she going to wear?” I’m not sure why, but the question just slips out. When we were doing…whatever it was we were doing, he kept talking to me about wanting to choose the right colors for her.
“I chose a florescent blue and purple. I think she’ll look good.”
“It’s not close to the Blaze blue?”
“No, not too close. And the goalies really liked them,” he tells me.
“That’s great.”
“Yeah, it is.” He takes a step closer to me. If he comes any closer, his chest will be brushing against my breasts. “I should have come to see you sooner—called, texted, or reached out. I shouldn’t have gone silent on you. I just wasn’t sure what you would want. I was trying to be respectful.” His brown eyes plead with me to understand.
“Respectful?” I question.
“Yeah, I thought that you wouldn’t want to see me,” he says, as if that explains everything.
“How is you avoiding me being respectful?” I ask, irritation slipping into my tone.
“Well, I thought that because I kept my job and you didn’t, that you wouldn’t want to see me.”
“I wasn’t happy that I lost my job, obviously!” I yell, taking a step back. “But I was glad that you were remaining in Tampa,because then at least maybe I would have had the chance to see you! Why does me being fired mean that I wouldn’t want to see you?”
He takes a step back from me. “I just figured no contact would be the best way to go. I cost you a job that you love. I cost you everything, and somehow I came out unscathed.”
“Did you really, though?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “No. Because I lost you.”
I just nod.
“I thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” he continues. “God, I wish had called you or come to see you. But I figured I would be the last person you would want to see.”
“Last person I would want to see, huh?”
He steps away from me and begins pacing the living room. “Are you fucking forgetting that you left me at dinner? I wasn’t even given the chance to drive you home. You just up and decided that you didn’t want to be around me anymore.”
“I had to get out of there!” I cry.
“So did I!” he yells, stopping in front of me. “But had I been given the choice; I would have rather we figured it out together and not separately! You decided that you were taking an Uber home. I texted you, andyoudecided that you were not going to answer me. So don’t give me that shit!”
I stand there, unsure what to say to him. He’s not wrong, but I was still very raw from everything. “I went into shut-down mode.”
“I get that. But why couldn’t you have shut down beside me? I would have respected that you didn’t want to talk. I would have just held you while you cried. I would have been there for you.”
“I couldn’t let you be there for me,” I fire back. “Because I didn’t know what was going to happen! I had no idea that August would only fire me. That you would keep your job. I didn’t wantto depend on you for emotional support when I might be losing you by force.”
He shakes his head. “But that’s not what happened, is it? I went through it all alone. I had no one.”
“I thought Danny was talking to you?”
“He did for the first day or so, but now it’s just awkward. I think he feels bad hanging out with me because of Mac. She’s pretty devastated that you’re no longer on the team.”
