Page 20 of Every Sunset
“Anna! Max! It’s Logan and Madd,” A deep voice called loudly.
“Fuck!” I gasped.
“They would have heard you screaming, mom. You sounded like you were being murdered.”
“Tell them I’m okay, Max, please. D-don’t let them in here. I can’t let them see me like this,” I panicked. I felt that I had some trust in Logan and Maddox, but if I were wrong and they saw just how weak I truly was inside, they could use it to hurt us.
“They could help us…”
“Max, no! We can’t trust them. Just get rid of them, son. Please,” I begged.
“Fine, but we need to talk about this, mom. You can’t go on the way you have. You’re fooling no one with your whole ‘I’m fine’ shit show, especially not those two,” he said as he pointed to the ground indicating Maddox and Logan who knocked on the door again.
I was taken aback as Max left the room. I could hear him running down the hardwood steps, and the beep of the alarm as he entered the code to disarm it.
“Max! Is everything okay? We heard the screaming from our rooms. Is your mom alright?” Logan asked all at once seconds later.
“Sorry. My mom just had a nightmare. She’s shaken up, but she’s alright,” Max told them, and even from a floor below I could hear the worry and stress in his words.
“Are you alright, kid?” Maddox asked.
“Sure. It’s just hard, ya know? I don’t like hearing my mom like that,” Max told them in a quieter tone that I could only just hear.
“We get it. Can we come in and see your mom? Maybe stay with you both for a little while? It might make your mom feel safer after her nightmare?” Logan pushed.
“I don’t think my mom will like that. She’s okay. I’ll stay with her until she’s calmer,” Max assured them, but he sounded pretty shaken up himself and I hated myself for putting him through it. And I hated myself even more for how desperately I wanted the comfort of Madd and Logan coming into our house and staying there with us. I knew I’d feel safer if they were there and that was just foolish. I barely even knew them and I was trusting them. Would I ever learn?
“No offence, Max, but you look pretty shaken up yourself,” Logan told him, and even knowing him as little as I did, I heard the concern in his voice.
“I’m good. Sorry we disturbed your night. You should go now,” Max said flatly. Moments later the door closed and I heard the beeping of Max rearming the alarm.
I knew already that I had fucked up again. For a whole week I had succeeded in hiding the inner disaster that was going on within me from my son, but one nightmare and a complete and utter foolish freak out over our neighbors trying to help us, and Max once again saw just how much of a mess his mom truly was. There I went again, hurting him with my inability to just pull myself together. I was trying. I was trying so fucking hard to just be the mother my amazing son deserved. I was doing everything that I could in order to protect him and to stop him from having to experience any more turmoil and pain, but I was messing it all up and I knew it. Max was the one holding me together. I was a failure and I had never felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself.
“Mom?” Max appeared in the doorway of my room and I blinked furiously to pull back the threatening tears.
“I’m fine now. You should get back to sleep,” I told him with a forced smile that I knew was way over the top.
“You have to trust someone, you know? You can’t just keep on telling me you’re fine because I already know you’re not!” he snapped with some heat in his tone.
“How can I trust someone? We don’t even know anyone. Just one word to the wrong person and…”
“I don’t mean that, mom. I don’t mean you should spill all of the shit you went through to the first person you see tomorrow, but you need support. You need friends. I’m here for you. You know that, but I’m a kid. I don’t know what you need right now,” he sighed tiredly.
“I don’t need anything, Max. We’re safe, and things here are good, right?”
“Yeah, they are, but they could be better if you stopped avoiding Logan and Maddox like you’re terrified of them, and just let them in a little. They want to be our friends, and I think we could really use some of those right now.”
“I barely even know them,” I pointed out, but I knew it was just an excuse. I was far from terrified of Logan and Maddox Easton and that was part of the problem.
“Then get to know them, mom! I have. I work out with Logan most morning’s in his home gym now instead of swimming. He’s been helping me to lift weights. Maddox is quieter, but I asked him to show me how he fixed our car in case it broke down again, and ever since I’ve been helping him fix up an old Mustang he’s working on in the garage. They’re good guys. They talk to me and treat me like I’m an adult. I think we can trust the both of them if you’ll just stop hiding from them.” Max was almost pleading now, and the desperate look in his eyes as they finally met mine had me breaking instantly. I never wanted Max to feel so much stress and worry.
“Okay,” I conceded with a nod. “I’ll give them a chance, alright, but we both need to keep our guards up, son. Maddox was a cop. We can’t tell them what happened.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I never want to talk about any of that with anyone ever again.” Max turned and started to walk away.
“Max!” I cried, hating to let him walk away looking so broken. I had worked hard to build a better life for him than I had, and now almost at the age I was when I got pregnant, he looked just as lost as I had felt back then.
“Yeah?” he turned back to me from the hallway.
