Page 22 of Every Sunset
“Then let’s simplify it. You’re scared to get too close to Madd and I. Correct?”
“What? Why would…” he cut me off before I could finish my mock protest, which was likely a good thing, since I’d never been a good liar. I should have been after the things I’d had to do to survive my childhood, but I just hated lies. I always had. They were all I had ever heard from the adults in my life as a kid.
“Something happened to you. Something bad, that, for whatever reason, you want to keep between only you and Max,” Logan said, and I was struck silent by how close he was getting. I barely knew the man and he was already way too close to the truth.
“N-no. That’s not…” Again I was cut off.
“No lies. That’s all I ask. I know there’s something you won’t or can’t tell us for whatever reason. Maddox does too. It’s obviousyou and Max went through something that has hurt the both of you, but I promise, here and now, that Madd and I will not push you on the subject, so long as you promise not to lie to us abut the things you do tell us. I get that you don’t want to trust anyone, Anna, but just give us the chance to prove we can be there for you and your son. That’s all we want. If you need to leave the past in the past, then we’ll agree to that as long as the two of you aren’t in danger.”
“We’re not,” I told him honestly.
“Then stop avoiding us. Get to know us. Let us all start fresh right here, right now if that’s what you need, but eventually I hope you’ll trust us enough to tell us everything.”
“The past is the past, like you said. I d-don’t think I could…I don’t want to talk about what happened with anyone. It’s over and Max and I…we-we’re safe,” I continued, knowing it was a risk even to admit that much, but I felt the need to give him something. “We came here for a new start and I want more than anything to make it work, for the both of us. Max needs some stability in his life.”
“Every sunset is an opportunity to reset,” Logan uttered, but I heard him.
“Where’s that from?” I asked.
“I read it somewhere. It stuck with me when Madd and I were younger and struggling just to get by. I used to think about those words all of the time and tell myself things would get better,” he explained. I smiled a little as I placed a hand on his knee, wanting to comfort him, since he was obviously thinking back to something that caused him pain. It was clear to see in the furrow of his brow.
“I like it,” I told him. “I think I’ll steal it for the tougher days.”
“I’d prefer you come to Madd or I, and let us help you through the tougher days,” he told me as he covered my hand on his knee with his much larger one.
“I’ll try,” I gave in as I gave his knee a small squeeze, hoping he’d take it as the promise I meant it to be. “I just…I find it hard to trust people. I’m not sure I ever really have, except for Max.”
“Your family?” Logan questioned.
“My mom split not long after I was born, and my dad…well, let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the top of his priority list. I left when I found out I was pregnant and never looked back. I wanted more for Max than I ever had.”
“What about his father?”
“Ha!” I cried loudly. “I don’t think he ever even knew my name. It was one time at some crappy party. I did track him down to tell him I was pregnant, but he was so high I doubt he even remembers. He threw a few dollar bills at me and told me to take care of it.”
“I’m sorry, Anna.”
“Don’t be. Getting away from there was the best decision I could have made, and having Max changed my entire life for the better. He gave me something to fight for, and I have, Logan. I’ve fought and worked so hard to try and give him the childhood he deserved. It was far from perfect, but he was loved and he was safe,” I told him, a little defensively. And I knew why I was being defensive – because all I had done had gone to shit the night I chose my own selfish needs and went on that fucking date. I had destroyed everything I built for my son with one stupid, selfish decision.
“He still is, Anna,” Logan said as he pulled my hand from his knee and turned it, interlocking his fingers with mine. “Stop feeling guilty for whatever happened. You’re both here now, whole and moving on. Max will be alright, so long as you are,” he told me vehemently.
“And what if I can’t be? Alright, I mean?” I sniffled as I used my free hand to dash away the tear that slipped free.
“You will be,” he told me firmly as he turned so he faced me. He lifted his big hand, cradling the entire left side of my face in it as he used his thumb to wipe at another tear that ran free. “Let me help you, please sweetheart. I don’t want you to be alone. I can see how much you’re hurting. Maddox too. It’s killing us. At least let us be around to make things a little easier,” he pleaded.
“I just don’t want to hurt my son anymore,” I sniffled as I leaned into his touch. “I’ve already put him through so much.”
“We’ll take care of him, Anna. We’ll take care of both of you, if you’ll just stop running from us.”
“I will,” I agreed as I fought not to cry. I had cried so much in the last weeks, and I didn’t want to anymore. I didn’t want to feel broken any more either, and there with Logan, I didn’t. Not so much anyway. He made me feel safe in a way no one in life ever had, and I needed that. After thirty-one years of fighting alone, I needed someone to just hold me together for a little while, whilst I found the strength I needed to fight again.
“Thank fuck for that,” Logan huffed as he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms fully around me, pressing me to his chest. I didn’t fight him or push him away, because I wanted his hug more than I wanted my next breath right then.
I don’t know how long he held me, and I didn’t care. I’d have happily stayed there with him all day if it were an option. I managed to calm my wild emotions and stop more tears from falling.
“How did you know I was down here?” I asked eventually, knowing I couldn’t make him hold me for any longer. He probably had things to do and places to be.
“I dropped Max at work, and he told me he’d followed you down here this morning. He asked me to check on you if you didn’t come back to the house by ten,” Logan explained.
