Page 25 of Every Sunset
“Mom,” he sighed tiredly.
“I ate, Max! I also cleaned up after myself. You should try it sometime.”
“What did you eat?” he questioned, not for one second easing up on his suspicion.
“You do realize I’m the adult between us, right?” I tried for a light laughing tone, but my stress and exhaustion were showing and I knew it.
“Yeah, I do, but you’re also the woman who went through a major surgery last year and who’s life depends on her taking care of herself,” he pointed out, which took me aback. Of course what he was saying was true, but for him to almost reprimand me as he was, it was weird.
“Dammit Max! Just drop it!” I snapped. “I’m taking care of myself. I’m fine! Just stop trying to act like you’re grown. You’re not! You’re still a fucking child!”
“Hey! What’s going on?” I looked up and actually growled in frustration when I saw Logan jogging up behind Max.
“I’m not doing this right now!” I declared, then I turned and stormed towards home, just needing to get away from all of them. I knew they cared and I fucking hated it. I was falling apart at the seams and the last thing I needed was everyone around me, especially my kid, pointing it out to me.
I wasn’t even at the door of the cottage as guilt filled me at the way I had spoken to my son. I had never spoken to him like that. I cursed at him. I yelled at him! It had been the last thing he deserved when he just wanted to look out for me.
I wasn’t sure I had ever felt so ashamed of myself as I slammed open the door of the cottage and stormed inside, slamming the door closed behind me.
I dropped my purse to the hardwood floor and slid down the door, resting against it with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head pressed against them. Tears filled my eyes again and that just made me even angrier. I didn’t used to cry. It wasn’t who I was. Before what Callum did to me and everything that followed, I had been strong and tough, or at least I’d convinced myself I was anyway. Life threw handfuls of shit at me again and again, and I never let it break me. I stood tall, waded through it, and kept going because I had to. Because that was the hand I was dealt in life and I’d be damned if I let it break me.
Now I was a wreck. All I did was cry and fucking tremble! If I allowed myself to sleep, Callum was there in my nightmares, just waiting for me. I jumped if anyone touched me and I constantly felt afraid of everything around me. Of everyone! Even of my own fucking mind and decisions. I yelled at my son! How could I do that to him when I knew inside he was struggling too?
Logan and Maddox too. They just wanted to help and because of the mess I was inside, I was giving them insane mixed signals. I had been rude to both of them in the two weeks they’d known us, and there was no doubt in my mind they thought I was mentally unstable.
But I was so scared. Terrified. What if I let them in and they changed the way Callum had in that one night? What if they were monsters who hurt me and ruined my son even more than I was already doing? All I wanted was to protect Max and make the right decisions but I didn’t trust myself to do that anymore. I didn’t trust myself to do anything right then.
My exhaustion swept over me again and I flopped to the side, lying on the cool floor and pulling my knees tighter against my chest. Tears were still trickling down my cheeks but there was no sound. Everything just felt like it was too much and I gave into it, allowing myself to slip under those waters that had been fighting for so long to pull me under. I stopped fighting and just let the water take me.
CHAPTER 11
MAX
“What happened?” Logan asked as we both stood side by side, watching my mom practically sprinting to the cottage. She went inside and slammed the door behind her as I just stood there, a little in shock. My mom had never yelled at me like that before. Sure, I’d made her angry. I was no saint, but even when she did get mad, she never yelled. I was pretty sure it was because what I knew of her childhood had involved a lot of yelling and violence from her father. He’d been a real asshole, not that I knew much about him. My mom rarely spoke about her childhood, but I knew enough to know she had to have been strong as hell to have gotten through it.
“I pushed too hard,” I sighed.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m worried about her. I don’t think she’s really sleeping, and I never see her eating. She looks like she’s ill, and that’s bad. She had a kidney transplant. All of the doctors told her she needed to take care of herself, and she’s not, Logan. I can’t lose her,” I admitted quietly. She was all I had, and she was all of the family I needed too.
She had been the most amazing mom to me for as long as I could remember, even though she was still a kid herself whenI was born. She’d never had anyone to rely on. No family or friends. She’d never had anyone to help her, but you would never know it. I had a childhood filled with happy memories of crazy adventures and fun times. Maybe we never had much money, but I never went without anything. She loved me enough for a mom and a dad, and I knew she would do anything to protect me, but I was becoming an adult now. I was twice the size of my mom, and I wanted to protect and care for her like she deserved. I just wished I was doing a better fucking job of it.
“That’s not gonna happen, bud. I don’t know what happened to your mom, but she’s obviously going through something right now. We just have to try and help her through it. Madd and I are trying, but she’s a stubborn woman,” Logan laughed, but when I looked over at him, the smile on his face was forced, and I could see the worry there.
I wished my mom would allow him and Maddox to get closer to her. They wanted to be there for her, and she needed that, especially right then. Logan had no idea how much of an understatement his words were.
My mom had gone through hell in that one weekend I had been away from her, and now I was pretty sure those days of terror lived in her head, replaying over and over again. Her nightmares proved that, as did the way she seemed to just space out and stare blankly. She jumped if I touched her when she was like that, and I hated the way she’d look to me with nothing but pure fear for that first second as she came back, before she realized it was just me.
“Yeah,” I laughed flatly. “That she is. I should go and check on her. I’ve never seen her act like that. My mom doesn’t yell,” I told him.
“She looked exhausted. Maybe try and get her to rest?” Logan suggested as he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
I had only known him and Maddox for two weeks, but I liked them. As I’d told my mom the other night, I trusted them too. They were good, honest guys and they seemed to genuinely want to look out for my mom and I, even though they barely knew us. I just needed my mom to believe that too, because she was not in a good place, and as much as I wanted to be, and tried to be, I knew I could never be enough to take care of her the way she needed. I didn’t understand what she needed the way Logan and Maddox seemed to. She just needed to give them a chance, but who could blame her for being afraid to do that after what that fucker had done to her weeks before?
“I will,” I agreed with a nod. “I should go and talk to her.”
“Go ahead. I’ll keep your food warm. Just yell if you need anything. Madd and I will be on the patio,” Logan assured me as he nodded to where Maddox already sat at the table, on the patio outside their mammoth house.
