Page 43 of Every Sunset
“You were upset too, Kid. I know how hard it is at your age. You want to fit in and have friends. I get why you got so angry, but I think you really hurt your mom. She already feels like a failure as a parent as a result of whatever you’ve both been through. What you said last night…it just confirmed her worst fears.”
“She’s not a failure. She’s an awesome mom, and I know how lucky I am to have her. What happened…it wasn’t her fault, and she…she went through so much worse than I did. I did what I had to. I can live with that, but she doesn’t seem to get that.”
“It’s hard for her to accept that you’re almost an adult. For the last sixteen years she’s dedicated her life to trying to make yours special. Every decision she made, every sacrifice and fight she faced was all for you. I don’t think she’s finding it easy to accept that you are getting old enough and tough enough to protect, and make decisions for yourself now. She was a kid when she had you, Max. Being a mom is all she has ever known.”
“I hate myself for the things I said last night. I was being such a selfish shit,” he growled as he pushed his hands into his hair and pulled at it.
“Hey!” I said as I pressed my hand to his shoulder to try and comfort him. “Everyone fucks up sometimes. It’s how you handle things afterwards that counts. Talk to your mom. Apologize and tell her what you told me. She loves yu so much Max. She’ll forgive you anything.”
“I let her down so badly last night.”
“You did,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “But you are still just a kid, Max. I know you feel like an adult right now, but you’re not. Not yet. You’re allowed to be selfish and stupid. It doesn’t take away from what a good kid I know you are, and more importantly, your mom knows you are.”
“My mom needs me to be an adult right now, Logan. She’s not okay, and she can’t handle me being selfish or stupid. I know that.”
“You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders alone, son. Your mom matters to Madd and I too, and we’re here for her. You can stop trying to shoulder the burden of everything and let us take a little of the weight. We can get your mom through whatever comes, together, okay?”
“Are you in love with her?” he asked bluntly as he finally lifted his head and met my stare.
“We barely know her, but yeah, I have feelings for her, and I’ve told her as much.”
“Maddox too, right? What do you even want from her?Some kind of freaky threesome?”
“We want to be able to take care of her, and get a chance to know her. Yes, Maddox has feelings for her too, and we would both like to date her when or if she feels ready for that. But there would be no threesomes, freaky or otherwise. We’re serious about your mom, Max. We want a relationship with her eventually. We want to be a part of both of your lives.”
“That’d be weird though, right? My mom with two guys?”
“It would be unusual, but it’s not unheard of. Relationships like that, and in many other combinations exist in the world,” I explained.
“Just don’t hurt her, okay? I don’t get what’s going on between you all, but my mom…she’s been through too much already. If you can’t take care of her the way she deserves, then just leave her the hell alone,” he warned.
“We would never purposely hurt her, Max, and I can promise we’ll do everything in our power to always try and take care of her, whether we’re in a relationship or not. You too, bud. We care about you too, you know?”
“Whatever,” he shrugged as he busied himself wiping at his face with the towel once again. “I’m not looking’ for a dad, and I sure as hell don’t need two.”
“We’re not looking to be your dad either. You’re too old for that, but we want you to trust us and know that we will always be here for you.”
He stood quickly and I knew the conversation was making him uncomfortable, but I didn’t miss the way he glanced at me with question. I knew he was trying to decide if I meant what I said, and that was okay, because I fully intended to back my words up with actions, and I knew Madd would too. We’d show him, and Anna, that we would always be there for them, no matter what the future held.
ANNA
I hated the way I flinched when the front door of the cottage slammed loudly, but I couldn’t stop myself. It meant Max was home, and he still hadn’t spoken a word to me since the night before. I dreaded the idea that he still felt as angry towards me as he had the night before, but maybe he had a right to feel that way.
I had been thinking about it all night, as sleep eluded me. I had realized how embarrassing my outburst, the night before, had to have been for my son. I’d started the entire shit show by getting too worked up over the whole thing and yelling at that dad for not supervising things properly. While I still believed he had failed to supervise the party correctly I understood in retrospect, that I could have handled the situation much more calmly, and without cursing at the man. I cringed when I thought of how much I had sounded like my own father, raging and cussing. I understood why Max had said I’d looked Crazy. I was sure I had.
“Mom?” I stood from where I had been perched on the edge of the bed since I gave up on sleep at four A.M., and instead showered and dressed.
I left my room and moved down the stairs slowly. The fact I hadn’t slept was making me feel stiff and slow that morning.
“Hey,” I greeted when I got halfway down the stairs and saw Max stood in the kitchen with a bottle of water in his hand. “Good work out?” I asked as I descended the last few stairs and walked over to one of the tall stools at the breakfast bar. I sat and hid my shaking hands in my lap.
“Not really, but I spoke to Logan,” he told me as he set the water down and leant back against the cabinet directly opposite me. He rested his weight on his hands against the counter and crossed his ankles. “I owe you a major apology.”
“Don’t feel like you have to apologize just because Logan guilted you into it,” I argued.
“Logan didn’t guilt me into anything. I already knew I messed up last night. I would have apologized first thing, but I didn’t want to wake you. I was a real dick to you last night, mom. I said somereally shitty things and I didn’t mean any of them. I really am sorry.”
“Some of them were true though, Max. I haven’t been a good parent recently. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve been a parent at all,” I admitted. “And I know I embarrassed you last night. I should never have reacted like that. I haven’t changed my mind about the lack of supervision at the party, but I could have, and should have handled it much better than I did. I’m the one who needs to be sorry, honey, and I am. So sorry. You deserved so much better than the unhinged version of me that showed up for you last night.”
