Page 73 of Every Sunset
“I’m good. I won’t leave him.”
“Neither will I, so it looks like we’re both staying right here,” I told him. I so wanted him to look at me. I wanted to go to him and wrap my arms around him, but when I had tried earlier, he had virtually pushed me away. I was pretty sure he was blaming me for what had happened, and who could blame him? I was the one who had brought Callum to their door. I was the one who had gotten Maddox shot, and put Logan at risk. It was all my fault. If I’d never gone on that damned date…
Tears filled my eyes and I hurried to swipe them away before they could fall. It was all my fault, and if Maddox and Logan never wanted anything to do with me again, I would understand completely. It would destroy me, but I would get it. But I needed Maddox to wake up. I needed to know he would be okay before I could walk away from the only good men who had ever come into my life – other than my boy of course.
I felt numb as I sat there. I don’t even know how much time passed. Logan didn’t speak to me again, and Maddox wasn’t waking up. The doctor had told us he might not, since he was on some very strong pain meds and other drugs, but still, I had hoped. More than anything I just needed to see his eyes. I needed to tell him how sorry I was. I knew I should tell Logan now. Apologize for ever getting either of them mixed up in the nightmare of my own creation, but it was very clear Logan didn’t want to speak with me at all, so I kept my mouth shut. Opening it was a bad idea anyway, because I was terrified if I started speaking, I’d break down and all of the hell inside of me would come pouring out, along with the breakdown I was working so hard to hold in.
“Mom?” I startled badly when a hand gently settled on top of mine. I lifted my eyes and found Max crouched beside the chair. He looked to have some color back and he was forcing a small smile for my sake. “You need to get some rest now, okay? You don’t look good,” he told me quietly.
“I’m okay. I don’t want to leave Madd,” I replied, but even my voice failed me, coming out as little more than a harsh croak.
“You’re shaking…like a lot. You have to lie down at least,” Max told me as he nodded to my free hand that rested on the edge of Maddox’s bed, and I realized he was right. It was shaking badly. My whole body was. I sat up and lowered my legs which had been curled into my chest. They were aching and I suddenly felt freezing cold. “Come on. Come to the waiting room. I’ll stay with Madd and Logan, and I promise I’ll come get you if Madd starts waking up, okay?”
“I d-don’t want to leave him,” I whimpered as I fought not to cry.
“Tell her, Logan. She needs to take a break,” Max pleaded as he glanced up to where Logan still sat frozen in the exact position he’d been sat before.
I held my breath when Logan finally turned his head and glanced at me, but that was all it was – a glance.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “He’s right. You should go, Anna,. We don’t need you here,” he told me, his voice sounding rough and a little hoarse.
His words hit me hard. They were so cold and flat. He wanted me to go. He was nothing like the Logan I knew and I missed him so much already. I knew he was terrified for Maddox. We all were, but it was more than that. It was like he had completely given up on me and it just solidified what I had spent the last countless hours telling myself – he blamed me and didn’t want me anylonger. And while that knowledge broke me, I also knew he was right, so how could I argue?
“Okay,” I sniffled. “I’ll go for now, but I…I need to see him when he wakes up.”
“I’ll come and get you, mom. I promise. It’ll all be okay,” Max told me. I nodded and didn’t even look to Logan again. It hurt too much to look at him when he was trying so hard not to look back.
I placed my hands on the arms of the chair and used every tiny ounce of energy I had left to push myself up to standing. As soon as I was upright I felt lightheaded though, and instantly Max had grabbed me and was holding me against his taller frame.
“Mom? What is it?” he asked with worry.
“I’m okay. Just tired,” I whispered as I leant into him, grateful for once that he was so much bigger than me. I usually hated the idea of him being so grown up and adult, but right then I needed him.
“Maybe I should get a doctor?” Max worried as he looked to Logan, but Logan didn’t even seem to know we were still there.
“Just give me a hand, son. I’ll feel better once I lie down for a while,” I assured him, just desperate to get out of that room and away from Logan’s cold shoulder. I didn’t want to let it, but it hurt more than I could say.
Max ended up all but carrying me to the waiting room. By the time we got there I knew he had been right about me needing to rest. I was running on empty and then some. My body had been through so much with the whole dying thing, and the emotional turmoil had been unbearable. I felt weak and shaky, not to mention heartbroken.
“Your meds!” Max suddenly panicked as he helped me lower down into one of the hard leather covered chairs that were bolted to the wall in a line.
“I took them,” I hurried to tell him. “I asked Cat to bring them and I took them at the right time. I’m okay, Max.” I pulled him close and kissed the top of his head. “I love you so much, honey. You’re everything I will ever need. You know that, right?”
“I know, mom. I love you. Just lie down now, okay? I’m worried about you. You’re exhausted,” he told me as he folded a sweater he picked up from the bag, which Cat had packed for us, and folded it like a small pillow. I laid down and rested my head on it. The chairs weren’t comfortable at all, but lying down felt good.
“Wake me if Madd stirs, won’t you?” I worried.
“I will. Just try to sleep,” Max told me. He laid my coat over me, just as I’d laid it over him hours before, then he went to the door and lowered the lights a little before he left the room and closed the door behind him.
I closed my eyes and tried not to let my thoughts stray to any of what had happened, or what was to come when Madd woke up and blamed me too. I tried even harder not to allow myself to consider what happened if Madd didn’t wake up, but it all came back anyway, and I found myself crying into Max’s sweater until exhaustion overrode emotion, and I passed out.
CHAPTER 27
MADDOX
“Logan? Are you even listening to me?”
It was Max’s voice that roused me. Not just his voice, it was the pain and panic in his words. I clung to them and fought the unconsciousness that was trying hard to pull me under. I couldn’t remember what the hell had happened the get me there, but I knew for sure I was in the hospital. I could hear the beep of machines around me, and the stiffness of the rough sheets over me where I lay on the too soft and small mattress. I was also in considerable pain, which was a big giveaway. I tried to remember what happened, then it came back to me – Anna laid out on the lounger on the jetty. She screamed my name and I was…shot? Was I shot?
