Page 76 of Every Sunset
I didn’t really remember leaving the hospital. Max got me into a cab at some point, then I remember being laid on a bed, curled tightly into myself and crying as my son held me and told me we’d be okay with out Logan and Maddox if it came to that. He was there with me until I eventually cried myself to sleep once again, the pain of the last twenty four hours pouring from me now that I finally felt able to allow it to happen.
***
“Mom?” I groaned and cracked my eyes open. The room around me was light and modern, but definitely not home – or the guys place as I should probably think of it again now.
“Max? Where are we?” I asked, my voice coming out as a quiet rasp.
“A hotel. I didn’t want to go back totheirplace. I paid for the night with the money I saved over the summer,” he told me, and I didn’t miss the way he hissed ‘their’ with utter hatred.
“Don’t be like that. It’s not their fault. Logan was right to blame me. I was the one who got Maddox shot,” I told him as I rolled over and sat up. Pain ricocheted down my back and side, and my head felt like I’d spent the entire night before downing shots. My chest was still burning when I breathed and my throat was clearly raw if my voice was any indication.
“This is why I’m pissed, mom!” Max snapped. “You already blame yourself for every single thing that has ever gone wrong in your life and mine. I don’t want you blaming yourself for what happens to the two of them too, and fuck them for making you feel that way.”
“Madd said he didn’t blame me, and Logan was upset, as he had every right to be. I don’t want you being rude to them when we go to the hospital later,” I told him as firmly as I could.
“You’re going back there?” he questioned as he turned to face me with shock.
“I have to check on Maddox. He wasn’t out of danger last night when we left him. I need to know he’s going to recover from this. I’m worried about Logan too. I get that things between us have changed, but I still love him, Max. I love both of them and I can’tleave until I know they’ll be okay,” I argued. I left out the fact that walking away from them was going to break me in a way nothing else ever had, and so I wanted to put it off for as long as I could.
“You need to take your pills. That’s why I woke you. I ordered some breakfast for you too,” Max told me with a huff as he nodded to a covered plate on the small dining table across the room. It was a fancy looking hotel, the décor bright and modern. There was a sofa and two armchairs near the entrance, and I guessed Max had slept on the sofa, since I could see blankets and a pillow on it.
“Thanks Max,” I sighed as I once again marveled at how much he had grown up in such a short space of time recently. He really was growing into quite the man.
“I brought the stuff Cat packed for us too, It’s all in the bag near the bathroom,” he added as he nodded to a closed door of to my left, beside which sat the hold-all that Cat had delivered to the hospital.
“Did you eat something?” I asked as I swung my legs from under the comforter and slid from the bed. Once I stood I felt much steadier than the day before. The sleep I had gotten had obviously been much needed.
“Yeah. I had breakfast earlier.”
“Where’s my cell? Have we heard anything from the cops?” I asked. I walked over to the small table and sat, grabbing the carafe of coffee that sat there and pouring myself a mug full.
“Theyhaven’t called, if that’s what you really wanted to know,” he sniped. I looked up at him in shock. I didn’t remember my son ever speaking to me that way before and it hurt. I hated him being angry with me.
“Max, I know you’re pissed off right now, but I don’t know what you want me to do,” I sighed tiredly. How could I already feel so exhausted once again already? “I can’t just pack up and walk away from Logan and Madd without a word. I love them. Do you understand that? Even if this is it, and it can’t work after what happened, I have to at least say goodbye to them. Maddox told me he loves me last night. He loves you too. Didn’t you see the way he looked at you when he woke up? How worried he was?”
“But Logan was an asshole to you. I don’t want you putting up with that shit. You did nothing wrong!”
“Logan and I need to talk. Emotions were high yesterday. We were all exhausted and terrified for Madd. He thought his brother was going to die. He wasn’t exactly in the greatest place.”
“You can’t just forgive him, mom. You can’t forget how easily he turned on you when it came down to it.”
“He didn’t turn on me,” I scoffed. “But I understand your worries. I’m a big girl, son. I can look out for myself.”
“I just can’t sit back and see you get hurt again. You have been fighting all your life. I just want you to be able to stop and find some happiness for once. I’m not sure Logan can give you that any more. Not after yesterday.”
“I won’t let anyone hurt me again, Max. Not again. And I don’t need anyone else to feel happiness in my life. I have you. You’re the happiness in my life and you always will be. I will get through it if we have to leave here, and them behind. I’ll be okay. I’ll always be okay.”
And I would be, for Max’s sake. But I didn’t tell him that if I left that place and the men I loved behind, I would also be leaving two huge parts of myself behind too – parts I would never get back without Logan and Maddox.
LOGAN
ANNA: Is it ok if I come to visit Madd?
I sat beside Maddox’s bed, in the private room that he had been moved to, after leaving the ICU, that morning just staring at the message on my cell. I hated that there were no heart emojis, or kisses on the end of the text like I always usually got from Anna, but I also knew I only had myself to blame for that. I was the one who had been a complete dick and pushed her away.
I replied with a thumbs up emoji, then felt like an ass all over again for doing it. I could have just replied with words, Kind, gentle words, And maybe a kiss.
“That Anna?” Madd asked. He was sitting up and he had some color back in his face. He looked so much more like himself that morning and the doctors were pleased with how his incision site looked when they did rounds. They told him he’d probably be good to go home in the next couple of days if all continued going as well as it was.
