Page 155 of Everything After
“If I’m honest, you hurt me so much. You of all people…” I stared at his face and noted he at least had a guilty look in his eyes.
“I’m sorry. You taught me a huge lesson. These past few months where you wouldn’t even speak to me broke my heart.”
“Your heart? What do you think you did to mine?”
“I know. I love you, Lily. The thought that you wouldn’t be in my life anymore has been tearing me to shreds.”
The guilt in his eyes had been replaced with sadness, and I believed he was speaking the truth. I knew this because I’d been feeling the same. I’d missed him dreadfully. A circumstance beyond my control had occurred and he’d reacted badly. And I’ll admit, the implications of me being pregnanthadaffected the band.
“I’d always be in your life, Lennie, whether it’s in the band or not.”
“There’s been a real void for all of us without you. XrAid isn’t the same.”
“You replaced someone before, for the band,” I argued.
“We did. But we could never replace you. We hadn’t all bonded with her in the same way we have with you,” he suggested.
I shrugged. “How would the band look with me back?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m wondering how I’d feel to work with you all, knowing two of you didn’t have my back.”
“Like I said, I’ve learned. And Cody… he’s petrified to even speak to you.”
“As he should be. But it’s Alfie he should be most wary of.”
“It took a lot of persuasion to get him here today.”
“Given the circumstances surrounding the fall out of that rumor, I’m not surprised. But you both let me down.”
“We won’t replace you, Lily. We’re all adamant about that.”
“I would need to think carefully about coming back. I have Charlie and Alfie to think about now. The schedule you ran for us doesn’t suit me anymore.”
“Right. We can work on that. We already agreed—no touring for a couple of years.”
“See, that’s the thing… you decided that without a thought of what I wanted.”
“No, we made that decision because we figured you’d want time to spend with your husband and baby. Any gigs we do would be a puddle jump back to Miami, overnight… two nights at the most.”
The thought they’d do that sounded appealing, but it wasn’t only the work. There was the dynamics within the group between Lennie, me and Cody.
“I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying no either. Can I have a couple of weeks to think about it? Charlie’s so new that I can’t think past his needs right now.”
“I’ll need a decision by week three. We’ve got some interviews lined up for the album. It’s common knowledge you didn’t sing on it, but we wanted the vibe of the record to give off the same sound that we’re famous for.”
I stood up. “Okay, we should go back. Charlie will be due to feed again soon. He doesn’t go long between meals. I’ll let you know what I decide as soon as I can.”
Lennie stood beside me. “Do you think we can hug my stupidity out?”
Without hesitation, I stepped into his open arms and immediately drowned in the smell of his familiar cologne and the warmth of a body that had offered me comfort on so many occasions before.
My heart had been aching to patch things up between us the whole time that we’d spoken. He had been my lifeline at one time, and for one reason or another, time had changed him. And even though the topic of conversation was hard, just being in the same room as Lennie brought a wave of familiarity and comfort I’d recognized, like I was home.
Never mix work and pleasure they say, but our lives had been intertwined for so long, that I’d never have denied him my comfort because it was something I’d needed from him too.
We all do things that we later regret, especially when someone allows us to take advantage of situations. So, the question I had to ask myself, would Lennie’s newfound respect for me continue if I said yes to staying as part of the band?
