Page 50 of Everything After
“So am I,” I muttered, but for a different reason. No one felt worse than I did about Alfie finding out I was pregnant the way he had. None of my current situation had been foreseen.But finding out I had an unplanned pregnancy with a man who I doubted wanted to be with me anymore had been a lot to contend with.
Perhaps if Alfie had talked to me instead of letting his feelings blow up, we might have been in a different place right now. Or if I had suspected I was pregnant, I’d have had time to work out how I felt before anyone else knew. Not that I could have done anything rash about it. A baby was a gift, planned or not, it was the timing I’d been against.
Although I had come to terms with being pregnant, I hadn’t found the words to discuss my feelings with Alfie because I was scared to tell him. Why? Nothing would change the fact that Alfie had left me, and that had given me doubts that he may only choose to stay with me because I was having his baby.
I sat in silence while Alfie stood speechless and stared out of the window toward our backyard. Long minutes passed to the point where I wondered whether he’d say anything at all, or if indeed he was wondering if he left me how my current condition would play out.
“Are you keeping it?” he asked in a flat tone, without looking at me.
“Would that make a difference to us?” I asked, knowing he was referring to the baby.
Alfie’s head whipped around, and he stared me down. “You’re considering getting rid of our baby?” The pain in his voice brought a lump to my throat.
“I never said that. I asked, would it matter to us. You voiced how dissatisfied you were, and you left. There wasn’t a baby then. What is it that you want?”
“To be happy,” he replied.
“Well, you’ve had weeks to consider your feelings. Are you happier without me?”
“Of course I’m not. I’ve missed you.”
“Missed me, or dropped the ball because I’m pregnant, Alfie?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” His angry expression made his eyes darken.
“Suddenly you’re here, why? To claim your baby?”
“Is that what you think?”
“So you were coming back here today before Drew slipped up about me being pregnant?”
“No…”
“Then I have my answer. You can leave now. I’ll figure this out myself.”
“I meant no, I was giving you space to think.”
“Frankly, I’ve had all the space I can handle, and I’m done waiting for your break to be over.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, I need to consider if my future is with you. Whether this baby was planned or not, I have a lot of thinking to do, so I’d like you to leave now.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snarled.
“No. No I’m not.”
“What about the baby?”
“What about it? I’ll ask you again, would you be standing there now if Drew hadn’t told you I was pregnant.”
“I would have been back, Lily. You must know I can’t stay away from you for long,” he protested.
“You did a great job of doing that during those past couple of weeks,” I countered, standing. “I’m drained, and stress isn’t good for the baby, so I’m going to lie down,” I mumbled as I stepped away from the table.
He grabbed my hand before I was out of his reach. “This has gone too far, Lily. Please come, sit down and we’ll talk.”
“You’re right, Alfie, it has gone too far. Too far for me to know what to think and why you’re here right now. I’m not surewhether you came to fight for us, or to fight for your place in the life of our baby.”
