“In your dreams, buddy. You’re not going up there while my wife’s feeding our son. Give her some privacy.”
 
 “It’s Lily. I’ve seen her tits more times than you. She’s like a sister to me,” Jack countered.
 
 I belly laughed. “That’s hysterical. It’s not normal to see your sister’s tits, dude. If you had a real sister, you’d know that.”
 
 “You said it yourself, Lily and me… we don’t have a normal relationship,” he suggested.
 
 “I get that, but you’re still not seeing her tits.”
 
 “I’m not going to see her tits. I’m going to chat to her.”
 
 “I get that, but you’re still not going up there while her tits are out—period.”
 
 “I’m not going to see her tits. I’m going to chat with her.”
 
 “Not while her tits are out,” I muttered again, chuckling.
 
 “It’s only me, she won’t mind.”
 
 “Oh, is that so? Then you won’t mind if I go ask Mya to take her tits out while I chat to her.”
 
 “It’s not the same,” he muttered, sounding exacerbated by my argument.
 
 “Why not? No one is going to disturb my son from eating, nor my wife while she feeds him.”
 
 “Fuck me. I missed her in the hospital because you wouldn’t allow me to go there,” he grumbled.
 
 “No one came to the hospital, not even Roslyn and Charlie,” I explained.
 
 “What’s all the noise down there?” Lily called out from the top of the stairs.
 
 “It’s only me. I want to come up to see you, but Alfie’s blocking me again,” Jack whined before I could say anything.
 
 “Alfie’s not blocking you, Alfie’s telling you to fuck off back to the sitting room with everyone else,” I stated.
 
 “No, Jack. I’m just putting myself back together. We’ll be down in a few minutes,” Lily replied.
 
 “See?” I asked. I flashed him a smug grin. “My wife, my wife’s tits, my wife’s privacy. What does Mya think about you creeping around Lily?”
 
 “I don’t creep. Lily and I are very open about how we treat each other.”
 
 “Don’t you think your kids will have questions when they get older?”
 
 “No.”
 
 I chuckled. “Just, no?”
 
 “What’s all the arguing about out here?” Roslyn asked as she strode into the hallway.
 
 “Jack wanted to go talk to Lily while she had her tits out. I told him no.”
 
 “Please, Alfie, they’re called breasts. And quite right too. Lily deserves privacy. Jack you should know better. You’ve never had boundaries with Lily. I used to have to move you back to your own bed in the middle of the night when you stayed over. She’s not your teddy bear, you know. Have you ever thought of counseling. You may be suffering from separation anxiety.”
 
 I laughed. The one thing I loved about my mother-in-law was her bone-dry humor. “Roslyn, I fucking love you.”
 
 “And I won’t have that kind of potty mouthed language around my grandson either,” she said, scolding me in the same tone she had admonished Jack with. She eyed me up and down then did the same to Jack. “Now, I know there are… issues between you, but you both love my daughter, so you need to learn to co-exist.”
 
 “She was mine first,” Jack taunted. I knew he was joking, but I didn’t see the funny side of it, and neither did Roslyn when she cast him a murderous glance.