Page 49 of Adrift Without You
Iwait patiently for Bren to process my words, my whole body shaking with the weight of my confession. Myriad emotions pass over his face, but he does not take his eyes off mine.
“Ky, why are you doing this to me?” he finally asks, voice trembling.
I reach for him once again, but this time he doesn’t stop me, my hand coming to rest on the curve of his neck. His skin is soft and warm, and I whimper at the touch, stroking my thumb across his jawline. Bren hesitantly places a hand over my racing heart, his expression almost fearful. Moving slowly, I slip my hand around to the back of his neck, threading my fingers through his brown locks. Still with no sign of resistance, I pull him to me, our foreheads gently connecting.
His breath fans enticingly over my lips, and our noses brush. The faint familiar smell of cigarettes fills my lungs, flooding my body with memories of youthful stolen kisses. Need and want rises as my control begins to slip away. Our lips are dangerously close, our breaths falling into sync as we fight the inevitable. I know this cannot be my choice; it must be Bren’s.
Placing one hand on his hip, I squeeze in encouragement. “I want you Bren.Please… I need you.”
He draws in a ragged breath then closes the distance, pressing his lips hard against my mouth. There, he holds. Fighting it.
My entire body shakes. I’m afraid he will retreat, but I open just a little, kissing him back, giving him the slightest hint of tongue. He moans, a strange mix of pain and fear and lustful need, so I envelop him in my arms, crushing my body to his.
Then he’s kissing me back, his tongue pushing eagerly into my mouth. Blood rushes to my cock as I tug at his clothes, my arousal wild and untameable. Bren grabs the hem of my T-shirt, breaking the kiss to pull it off. My skin is on fucking fire. I wrangle his off too, our naked chests coming back together, mouths consuming, hands clawing at needy flesh.
I pop the button on Bren’s jeans and have the zip halfway down when his hand slips into my trackpants and wraps tightly around my cock. “Fuck, Bren, I need you,” I pant against hismouth, torn between ridding him of his jeans and fucking up into his hand.
Both pursuits are abandoned when he shoves me hard onto the floor and strips me naked. Clambering up onto my knees, I drag Bren down onto his back and return the favour.
His cock is as mouth-watering as I remember—thick and weighty, with gorgeous veins and heavy balls below. He’s already wet for me and I still for a moment, in awe of his body. It’s muscular and strong, with defined biceps and sculpted pecs.
I get my first real look at the tattoos he’s added to his chest and arms since we were young. There are quotes in cursive and intricate symbols, all beautifully entwined to convey the story of his life. The glimpse I’d had in his office that day didn’t do justice to the art adorning Bren’s body.
The skin where my name used to be is the only place that remains bare, and my heart skips at what that could mean.
“Ky, fuck me. Please, fuck me,” Bren pleads.
He spreads his legs open, circling his finger teasingly around his rim. I kneel between his thighs, delaying my desire to taste him, opting instead to settle my weight over him, bringing us chest-to-chest. I kiss him slowly and deeply, humming with satisfaction. Our cocks rub together, Bren’s hands sinking into the muscles of my ass.
This man, willing and bare under me, is no longer just a fantasy, but flesh and blood, and more than I could have ever hoped for.
Breaking the kiss to suck on two fingers, I push them inside Bren while I circle his nipple with the tip of my tongue. He’s tight; so much tighter than I remember. “You okay?” I ask. “Am I hurting you?”
“Keep going. Jesus Ky, feels so good.”
Pulling my fingers out, I push Bren’s knees back, giving me a better look at his smooth, sweet hole. “Nobody has an ass likeyours.” I spread him open and dip my tongue inside a few times, then spit on his entrance.
When I push inside, he moans obscenely, stroking his own cock. I bottom out, breathless at the warmth and tightness of his body. It’s all happening so fast my brain can’t keep up. Bren reaches for me, dragging my body to him, and our mouths connect.
Then it dawns on me. I’m actually inside Brendan.MyBren. After enduring all those years without him.
I roll my hips, thrusting with a long, purposeful stroke. His body pulls me in, the caressing heat flooding my veins with mind-blowing pleasure. I thrust again, long buried emotions rising too quickly, then something inside me just…breaks.
It hits hard, emerging from some hidden place I never even knew was there. It’s as though someone has taken a hacksaw to my ribcage and split me wide open. I’m exposed and raw, my fractured heart savagely on display. A guttural cry tears from my chest, and I begin to sob. Gut-wrenching cries that I haven’t the strength to battle, let alone beat.
I stop moving.
Bren looks at me in horror. “Ky? Kyle? What’s wrong?”
I soften inside Bren and still the tears won’t stop. It’s twenty years of loss, regret, and grief pouring out of me. Twenty years of denial and stuffing it down deep inside—all too fucking horrible to face. It’s every bad choice I’ve ever made, every second I’ve suffered in silence in a God-awful marriage, and every year I’ve missed being with the one man I truly love.
His arms circle around my back and pull me in tight, so I bury my face in the crook of his neck. Bren cries too, silent tears that I wouldn’t know about bar the quivering of his chest.
Endless minutes pass before I find the strength to lift my head and look at him. “I’m sorry, Bren. I’m so fucking sorry.” I don’tmean just for this moment, but for all the past hurt, and I think he understands.
“Ky, it’s okay. I’m sorry too.” Bren brushes the tears from my cheeks. “Shh, shh, I’m here. I’m here.”
“Please don’t leave. Stay with me. Just for tonight. Please, just stay.”
