Page 56 of Adrift Without You
Ky sits back on his knees and begins thrusting again. I’m sensitive, but I want him to come inside me. I wouldn’t feel complete without it. His body is beautiful—abs taut and nipples erect, skin glistening with sweat as he wrecks me in the best possible way.
“Baby, I’m gonna come,” he says, thrusts becoming increasingly erratic.
“Yeah, that’s it. Fuck me, Ky. Come in me. Feels so fuckin’ good.”
Ky cries out, his cock pulsing inside me as he releases his seed. His eyes fall closed and his mouth drops open, lost in the sensation. He’s exquisite, muscles contracting with each spurt he leaves inside me.
When Ky’s body finally stops shuddering, he collapses forward and buries his face in my neck.
I feel dampness on my skin first, then realise he’s crying. Silent tears that feel like a twisted mess of grief and gratitude, happiness and hopelessness. Trying to bring him some comfort, I caress his back, tracing soothing circles over his cooling skin. “It’s okay,” I murmur as a tear of my own makes a slow descent to the pillow below.
Eventually, Ky pulls out and we re-settle—Ky spooning me from behind, his lips resting on the back of my neck. Neither of us speak, the only sound is our breaths as they fall into sync. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, and I don’t trust my own voice to ask, afraid it will crack with my spiralling emotions. My body aches all over, and my skin is overly sensitive, tingling like pins and needles but without the discomfort. I can’t remember the last time I came so intensely, my mind and body aligning in perfect synchronicity, grounded in the moment.
But it had never beenjustsex with us, no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise. The connection we share is rare and precious. And, as cheesy as it sounds, I know he’s my soulmate.
I have no clue how I’m going to walk out the door come daybreak. How can I leave Ky now that we’ve found each other again? But how could I ever leave Chris and hurt him like that? I know where my heart truthfully belongs, but then there’s right and wrong. And loyalty. And vows.
Ky squeezes me tighter. “Do you wanna shower now or in the morning?”
I press a kiss to his knuckles. “Let’s shower now.”
Once under the spray we quietly go about the task of cleaning each other. I can feel Ky’s anxiety building, and I know I need to put his mind at ease, so I kiss him with every ounce of love I possess. This situation is deeply messed up, and I’m not sure how I’ll ever move on.
“Bren, do you want some privacy? You know, to…” The unfinished sentence hangs in the air. I can’t go home with his come leaking out of my ass. It’s a stark reminder of what I’ve done and everything that’s wrong about it.
Nausea hits and I close my eyes, trying to get my shit together.
“Talk to me,” Ky says, taking me into his arms.
“This is so fucked up,” I say, my face pressed to his shoulder. “I know I’ve gotta clean out, but there’s a selfish part of me that wants to keep you inside a little longer.”
Ky’s fingers thread up into my hair and he kisses my forehead before stepping out of the shower and exiting the bathroom.
When I join him ten minutes later, he’s slipping back into bed under new, clean sheets. I climb in and settle against him, my head resting on his chest. We need to discuss the no condom situation, but I’m hesitant.
“Do you think… I mean, should we get tested, just to be sure?”
Ky puffs out a resigned breath. “Yeah, we should. I’ll get tested before the weekend. What time do you need to leave in the morning?”
“Um, maybe seven at the latest.”
Ky grabs his phone off the bedside table. “Okay, it’s three-thirty now. I’ll set the alarm for six-thirty. I grabbed your phone from the living room; it’s on the nightstand.”
I check I have no missed texts from Chris then set my alarm too. Once the lights are out, we move into position automatically, lying on our left sides, Ky spooning me and our fingers laced together.
“Bren,” Ky whispers, nuzzling his face in my hair. “Thank you for giving me this. I’ll never forget it. And please remember, I willalwayslove you.”
I turn and kiss him hard, my eyes squeezing shut to stop the threatening tears. “I love you, too.” There’s no excuse for saying those three words to a man who is not my husband, but they are the truth. Chris isn’t the love of my life and never will be.
With a heavy heart, I wonder what sort of man I’ll be when I wake tomorrow.
When the alarm sounds at 6:30 AM, I quickly grab my phone and switch it off. Ky is still glued to my back and remains dead to the world. My head thumps painfully like I’ve got a hangover, which is not surprising after only three hours sleep.
Ky’s alarm sounds less than thirty seconds later, and I startle at how loud and abrasive it is. I jab him with my elbow. “Wake the fuck up and turn that shit off.”
He bolts upright, his eyes blinking rapidly as if he’s seen a ghost. “Fuck, it really happened.”
“Yeah, it really happened. Now can you turn that bloody thing off?”
