Page 57 of Adrift Without You
“Shit, sorry.” He turns the alarm off then lays back down facing me. “How are you feeling?”
“God awful headache. Sorry for being such an asshole.” I don’t want to ruin things, but I’m agitated and angry. Neither emotion is directed at Ky. It’s about our messed-up circumstances and having to say goodbye, then seeing Chris and lying some more. I fear what life will be like now that everything has changed.
But what concerns me the most is the shocking lack of guilt I feel.
“I can get you some painkillers,” Ky offers.
“Nah, don’t worry. I’ll catch up on sleep in my office and that should fix it. How will you get through your course today?”
“Lots of coffee then home to bed by five.”
“Jesus Ky, be careful drivin’.”
He smiles, then rolls on top of me. “Shut up and let me kiss you.”
The kiss is soft and loving at first but then Ky’s mood shifts, and a wave of sadness wedges itself between us. I roll us so I’m on top, Ky instantly closing his eyes under my questioning gaze.
“Let’s not do this, Ky. Please, look at me.” When he does, I’m confronted with despondent blue eyes and an ocean of pain. “We had a perfect night. Let’s not ruin it. Okay?”
He nods but doesn’t speak so I connect our lips again, kissing him sweetly. As he opens for me, I gently lick into his mouth, committing every sensation to memory.
Reluctantly, we separate and haul our tired bodies out of bed. Ky heads to the kitchen to make coffee and I pull on my clothes, take a piss, and do the best I can with my hair. A few minuteslater I enter the kitchen and Ky hands me a coffee. It’s almost 7:00 AM.
Time has run out.
There’s so much anger at the unfairness of it all, and I want to scream and punch and rage at the world. Instead, I clamp down on my emotions and remain silent. We both do. We avoid eye contact, and the sickening feeling in my stomach grows and grows.
After a few sips of coffee, I place my mug down on the kitchen counter and Ky walks me to the front door. Turning towards each other, our eyes finally meet.
I’m so worried about him. “Did you take your meds last night and this mornin’?”
“Yeah, I did,” he says, eyes darting all over my face.
I look down, the anguish on his face too much to bear. “I’m sorry. You know I love you and I probably always will. But I took vows.”
“I know, Bren. But it doesn’t change anything for me. I’m leaving James, getting a job and moving on with my life. I meant what I said: I’ll wait for you, however long it takes.”
He gathers me up in his arms, cocooning me in his warmth. Minutes pass and I continue to hold on for dear life. Jesus, I don’t want to cry. We had a beautiful, perfect night, and I don’t want to ruin it. I want to lock it away deep inside, cherish it, and keep it safe.
“I gotta go,” I whisper against his neck, my voice breaking. I step back, body screaming out in protest as we pull apart. Our eyes meet once more, heartbreaking mirrors of each other, then Ky places one last kiss to my forehead before I turn and force myself to walk out the door.
Chapter 32
Kyle
10 years earlier
James’s work parties are unbearable. I used to think they were glamourous, but now all I see is a bunch of pretentious, rich assholes. I’ve checked in with the babysitter three times already and I’m sure everything is fine,but Lu has a cold and I’d rather be home with her. She begins school next week and I don’t want her to miss the first day.
I lean sideways to whisper into James’s ear. “Hon, when can we leave?”
“Darling, it’s only 9:00. We need to stay until at least 10:00. Why don’t you mingle?”
“But Lu’s not well, and I’d feel more comfortable being home with her in case she gets a temperature. You know how quickly they come on when she’s sick.”
James sighs. “Kyle, she has a cold. Stop fussing over her all the time.”
“What about I catch a taxi home? That way you can stay as late as you want.”
