Page 89 of Adrift Without You
When Kyle and I get asked about our kids, we say we have four, because Ky thinks of Ethan as his child just as I do Lu. Ethan is now twenty-seven and working in medical research. He and his girlfriend, Grace, are serious, and I’m certain he will propose soon. Part of me worries they’re too young to get married, but, on the other hand, I’m excited by the prospect of becoming a grandfather someday soon.
As breakfast finishes up, Ky tells Lu not to worry about clean-up and sends her off to get ready. She’s graduating from Monash Uni today after completing her bachelor’s degree in psychology. Next year she’ll commence her masters in her quest to become a clinical psychologist. One day she hopes to specialise in child and adolescent counselling. We couldn’t be prouder of her and the accomplished young woman she’s become.
Ky heads upstairs to get the kids ready while I take on kitchen duty. I can hear Milly working her magic on her dad as they ascend the stairs.
“Daddy, I want the blue one. Pleeeeease Daddy the blue one.”
She’s talking about what dress she’d like to wear. Ky prefers the purple, saying it’s more suitable for the occasion, while Milly has her heart set on the blue because it’s her favourite colour. The two of them have been intalksfor the last three days, negotiating with the intensity of two generals discussing the conditions for a ceasefire.
“Milly, I will agree to the blue dress if you promise to eat your veggies every night for an entire week. Do we have a deal?”
“Daddy, I can only promise two nights. And that’s my final deal!”
I burst into laughter. Our daughter drives a hard bargain and is smart as a whip. I can’t hear them anymore, but I know Milly will be at the graduation ceremony in her blue dress and she’ll eat her vegetables for precisely two nights. I could tease Ky for letting our three-year-old manipulate him, but there’d be no point—Milly has us both wrapped around her little finger.
An hour later, as we are tumbling out the front door, we almost collide with Ethan bounding up our front steps. “Hey, everythin’ okay?” I ask. “I thought we were gonna meet you and Grace there?”
“Hey Dad,” Ethan says, giving me a hug. “I thought it would be nice if we all went as a family. Itisa big occasion.”
Lu pushes past, planting a peck to Ethan’s cheek. “Oh thank God you’re here. I need to ask these two something and I need reinforcements.”
Ky frowns. “Ask us what, young lady?”
Everyone turns to Lu and waits.
“Jeez, it’s not that big of a deal. Chill. I was just wondering if it’d be okay to invite this guy over tomorrow for the celebration BBQ. His name’s Matthew.”
Ethan bursts into laughter but promptly stops when Ky and I give him the death stare.
“Hey,” Ethan says, holding his hands up in surrender. “It had to happen sometime. She is twenty-one.”
“Exactly!” Lu exclaims. “So, is it okay?”
Ky glances nervously at me and then back to Lu. She’s been on some dates, but nothing serious. This is a good thing. We were getting concerned that she was only focused on her career and a little scared of being in a relationship.
“Of course,” Ky finally says, plastering on a fake smile. “It’ll give us a chance to have a friendly chat with this Matthew boy.”
“Yeah,” I chime in. “We can see what sort of man he is.”
“You two!” Lucinda scolds. “Please don’t give him a hard time, he’s a really nice guy.”
“Okay, I’ll be nice,” Ky says, picking up Milly, who’s tugging on his arm. “Bren, you’ll be nice tomorrow, won’t you?”
Nodding, I say, “I’ll be nice, but I’ll let him know that I’ll break his kneecaps if he hurts you.”
Lu rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, you’re both unbelievable, especially considering all the things you two were getting up to way younger than me. I’m twenty-one for God’s sake. I’m anadult! Come on, let’s go or we’ll be late.”
“Lu, they’ve got a point though,” Ethan says. “You can’t be too careful these days.”
“Not you too! Ah men are so annoying sometimes. I can look after myself and make good choices. Come on Milly, us girls have got to stick together.”
Little Ollie starts giggling and that’s all it takes to break the tension. We pile into the SUV poking fun at each other.
There are days I cannot believe I ended up so lucky, living a life I dared not even dream of as a child. I turn to look at my family in the back seats—Ethan and Lu, and our babies, Milly and Ollie. They’re all chatting, excited for the day ahead. My gaze shifts to Ky, the first and last boy I’ll ever love. My husband, my ride or die. My everything.
I sometimes wonder if he knows the truth about Bruce’s death—that it wasn’t purely self-defence. On my darkest days, I accept that I murdered Bruce, and on my best, I know I saved Ky. The night he put two and two together that it was me who hired a guy to beat up James, I saw a strange look flash across his face. I thought he’d connected the dots, and I was afraid he would call me out. But I never want him to know the truth. I’ll take it to my grave because I could never place that burden of guilt upon his shoulders. I did it to protect him, and if I had a do-over, I’d take that shot again. I don’t regret it for a single fucking second.
I smile at Ky, so damn grateful for what we have, for what we’ve built together.
