Page 49 of Pages of My Heart
Thomas cannot stop the tears, and he has to look away—anywhere other than at Charlie. The look of pity would kill him.
“Shit, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” Charlie reaches out to touch his face, but it only makes him angry and he slaps it away.
“Thomas, please. Listen to me and see reason. Do ya not remember how bad it got two years ago?”
The room is suffocating and he doesn’t want to listen to what Charlie is saying. He’s not like his mother. He’snot. Wiping furiously at his tears, he pushes past Charlie and heads toward the sitting room, needing to be alone. But Charlie is right behind him, not giving him the space he needs.
“Tommy, we need to talk about this. You can’t run away from it, and you can’t enlist.”
Reaching the middle of the room, he spins abruptly, crowding into Charlie’s space. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
Charlie explodes all over again, “Like fuck I can’t!” The sound of buttons popping, then bouncing and scattering on the hardwood floor registers before he understands what Charlie has done. Chest now bare, Charlie pounds on the ink over his heart. “What the hell did I get this for then? Why did wesay vows to each other in this very room? Are you my fuckin’ husband or not?”
Charlie’s words awaken something deep inside him and all the shame and fear takes a backseat to his anger. “Yes! Yes, I’m your husband, and you’re mine!” he yells. “And you aren’t listening to a word I’m fucking saying!”
Thomas surges forward and attacks Charlie’s mouth with his own, forcibly pushing his tongue inside. In this moment his desire to have Charlie, to claim him and dominate him, is ugly and primal. Thomas needs to take back some semblance of control before his life completely unravels before his very eyes. Charlie is the only thing in his life that has ever made sense and now he’s leaving.Howcan Charlie leave him behind? It’s the ultimate betrayal.
They claw and rip at each other’s clothes, frantic in their attempts to come together. Stumbling, falling to the floor, they are finally naked, flesh on flesh. Thomas pushes Charlie roughly onto his back and growls as Charlie spreads his legs for him, moving into position between them. Spitting into his hand, he wets his painfully hard cock, then spits again over Charlie’s hole. With no further preparation, he pushes inside, Charlie screaming out his name.
Thomas thrusts forcefully, completely untethered. “Charlie, you’remine. You’remyhusband.”
“Yes, Tommy.” Charlie’s voice is thick with both pleasure and pain. “Yes, yes . . . I’m yours.”
Thomas chokes up, the grief inside him growing more and more unbearable with every determined push of his hips.“You’re mine. You can’t leave me. Please, Charlie . . .”
“I’ll never leave you.” Charlie reaches for him.
“But you are! You vowed you would protect me . . . always be there for me. Now you’re leaving me behind.” Thomas gaspsfor air. “What if you get hurt? What if you fucking die? I can’t. I have to go. I can’t—I can’t stay here and wait. Charlie, I can’t—” He cannot continue. A guttural cry pierces the room, ripped straight from his chest. He stops thrusting, letting himself slip from Charlie’s body and collapsing on top of him. He sobs uncontrollably. The pain reminds him of the day the men in white dragged his mother away, pieces of himself splintering off and leaving him less than whole.
“Tommy, my sweetheart.” Charlie’s arms envelop him and Thomas clings to his husband like it’s the end of days. And maybe it is. “Shh, shh . . . it’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll come home to you. I promise.”
“I love you,” he cries into the crook of Charlie’s neck. “I love you more than you know.”
“I do know, cause I love you just the same. I need you to stay home where I know you’ll be safe. And you’ve got to let me go. You got to trust me. Here, kiss me.” Thomas lifts his head and Charlie cradles his face and kisses him tenderly. “Come on, sweetheart. Make love to me. I need you.”
Thomas reaches down between his legs and strokes himself, desperate to get his erection back and give Charlie whatever he wants. He realizes as Charlie’s body welcomes him back inside that they are lying in the very same spot where they made love after exchanging their vows. Just like that night, they make love slowly, Thomas barely pulling out with each thrust, never wanting to leave Charlie’s warmth. He cradles his husband in his arms, their eyes never straying from each other.
“Yeah, that’s it, Tommy,” Charlie encourages. “You make me feel so good.”
“Charlie, my darling . . . I’m sorry.” Thomas’s tears fall upon Charlie’s face. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Charlie caresses his face, brushing the tears away.
“I love you, and I’ll wait for you to come home to me,” he promises.
“Thank you.” Charlie sighs, a mix of relief and pleasure. “Just love me, Tommy. That’s all I need. Just love me.”
Thomas pulls their bodies even closer, rocking in perfect counterbalance. Charlie releases first and Thomas immediately follows, their lips joined in an exchange of love, profound and unyielding.
Later that evening, when they settle down in bed, Charlie pulls Thomas against his chest and softly sings him to sleep. It’s the song that was playing the night they first met, the night they first danced in each other’s arms. Perhaps even the moment they first fell in love.
Chapter 27
April 14th, 1944
To my beloved Charlie,
Do you have any idea how much I want you in my arms? To protect you, and to love you. Charlie, I need you to know that I do love Evie and Jonathan, and yes, I think of them as family, but you, my darling, are my husband, myeverything. The one I put above all others.
