Page 12 of Pages of My Heart
Thomas smiles mischievously, delighted even, and then squeezes Charlie’s ass. “Do you want me to fuck you, Charlie?”
Charlie answers with his mouth, devouring Thomas and clambering to lie on top of him. Thomas’s fingers make their way down the curve of his spine and slide between his ass cheeks, tentatively caressing the sensitive skin there. Someone touching him in the most private of places is like nothing he’s ever experienced before. But it undeniably feels good, regardless of the deviancy of it—or maybe because of it.
Without thinking, he scrambles up onto his knees so he is straddling Thomas’s hips to give him easier access, so desperate he is for more. But as soon as he does, he wrestles with it, feeling suddenly unmanly, legs open and offering himself like a broad. But he’s come this far, and Christ, he wants it. Kissing Thomasonce more, he climbs off of him and gets into position on all fours. His stomach is twisted in knots, both fear and excitement unnaturally entwined.
“Come on, Red. Let’s give it a try.”
Thomas gets up onto his knees and positions himself behind him on the bed. He starts stroking up and down Charlie’s back, but Charlie’s erection begins to wilt, nerves increasing the longer he waits. He feels Thomas shifting around uncertainly on the hard mattress and he can’t take it.
“Are you gonna—”
“Do I just—”
They both speak at the same time which works to break some of the oppressive tension that’s built up in the room. Charlie snorts and Thomas chuckles softly.
“So do I just push it in?” Thomas tries again. He sounds as terrified as Charlie feels.
“Spit on your dick and get it more wet.”
Charlie looks over his shoulder and watches Thomas spit into his hand and rub it up and down his shaft. Their eyes meet for a brief moment, then Charlie looks away, bracing himself.
“Okay. I’m going to try now.”
Thomas presses up against his entrance and Charlie feels pressure—a lot of pressure—and then a sharp sting and a burn and then fucking pain. Charlie grunts and then pants, eyes watering. It’s not at all what he imagined it would feel like.
“Should I stop?” Thomas’s voice is pitched high with concern.
“No, wait. Just—just stop for a second.” Charlie tries to relax, breathing as deeply as he can. “Is it in?” He lowers down onto his elbows, arms shaking uncontrollably.
“Just the tip.Fuck, Charlie, you feel so good. So tight and warm. If I move, I—” He blows out a shaky breath. “Can I go deeper?”
Charlie bites down so hard on his bottom lip that he tastes blood. He’s now completely soft, but a desperate part of him wants to see this through.
“Okay, just go slow.”
Thomas grips his hips and pushes again, and Charlie feels like he’s ripping apart.
“Stop!” he spits out, lurching forward onto his stomach.
“Oh God, I’m sorry!” Thomas touches Charlie’s back briefly, then his hand is gone, as if afraid he might break. “It hurt that bad? Shit, Charlie, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know it would . . .” he trails off, voice full of apology.
Charlie feels stupid and inadequate. And weak. “I’m sorry, too,” he mumbles into the mattress, not ready to show his face. “I think I’m too nervous to relax. And we need something better than fuckin’ spit. You got anything we could use?”
He feels Thomas lie down next to him, and he turns onto his side so that they’re facing each other, bodies still not touching.
“What about Vaseline? And what if I put something smaller in first, until you get used to it?”
Charlie frowns. “What the hell are ya gonna put in me?”
Thomas rolls onto his back, looking up at the ceiling while he considers it. “Why don’t I just use my fingers?” When Charlie doesn’t answer right away, Thomas turns to look at him again.
“All right.” It does seem like a decent idea, and he feels stupid for not thinking to do that from the start.
“Why don’t we just relax for a bit and try again later?”
Thomas pulls the blankets back over them and reaches for Charlie across the small bed. After a few sweet kisses and the gentle touch of Thomas’s hands upon his skin, Charlie’smuscles start to loosen. It’s only then that he realizes how tired he is, and he closes his eyes.
Thomas
