Page 25 of Pages of My Heart
Thomas places a kiss on Charlie’s shoulder, then pulls him tighter to his chest. “If there was such a world where we could be married, would you marry me, Charlie Miller?”
Charlie reaches back and strokes a hand through his hair. “Sweetheart, you’re such a dreamer.”
“But is that a yes?”
Charlie turns in his arms, looking at him with glassy eyes. “Of course.”
Chapter 14
December 24th, 1943
To my beloved Charlie,
I’m so sorry to have caused you to worry. I’m fine, darling. Please believe me. Maybe I worded it poorly in my letter. I do talk to you out loud as I go about the house, but I’m not any more unstable than I was before you left. I’m simply trying anything to bring myself some comfort, and talking to you, even just imagining it, helps. Please stop worrying, my love. I don’t want you to be distracted and tired because of me. I promise if I feel I’m slipping, I’ll stay with Bridget until it passes. I promise, Charlie.
God, I cannot wait for you to meet baby Jonathan—he remains a shining light in this dark world. I get so sentimental when I look into his blue eyes and see him smile. I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes I think that if we could have a child, he might look like Jonathan—although, I know you would wish for a red-haired little girl to dote on. You may try to pretend otherwise, but I know you, Charlie Miller. You’re a real softie.
As for Evie, I too wonder if she suspects. Perhaps when you get home, we could make up some story about someone like us, just to gauge her reaction. That could give us some sense of whether we could risk tellingher. The idea scares me, though. I would never want to lose her from our lives—the two of you are so close, and she is my dearest friend.
I’m relieved your platoon has had a bit of a reprieve and I will pray that it continues. The news coming out of Italy this past month . . . I can only hope you are nowhere near that hell. As for getting into a fight over Johnson, the only surprise is that you held out so long. I will not chastise you, love—just don’t do it again!! But I am so damn proud of you for standing up for what is right.
Michael is talking about enlisting and won’t listen to reason. He tells me it’s a man’s duty to serve his country and doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say. With Eddie already gone, I don’t have enough strength left to worry about Michael, too.
It’s Christmas Eve tonight. I put up a small tree and placed a gift for you under it, like we always do. I won’t tell you what it is—you’ll have to come home to find out. Evie invited me to spend the evening with your family, and of course Bridget became exasperated when I declined her own offer. But Christmas Eve has always been our time together—the tradition we began once we moved into our own house. I didn’t want to break it, nor did I want to face anyone without you.
Do you remember last year? When we drank too much and built a snowman in the backyard at midnight? It was the perfect Christmas. Making love in front of the fire and sleeping naked right next to the tree. When we woke on Christmas morning, the fire had burned out and I was shivering, but you built a new fire and made us hot cocoa, and we opened our gifts wrapped up in a blanket on the sitting room floor. I keep relaying it in my mind.It was so romantic. Let’s add that to our tradition. Starting next Christmas, when you will surely be back home where you belong, we’ll make love in front of the fire on Christmas Eve, okay?
I hope you are somewhere safe tonight and that you have some type of celebration for Christmas. I hope you are warm enough, and have food in your stomach, and friends who can make you laugh. These holidays are the hardest to get through, making me feel very much alone. But I know you are out there thinking of me just as I am thinking of you. I am going to build our fire now, and tonight when I dream, I’ll dream of you, my darling. Merry Christmas, Charlie.
All my love,
Red x
P.S. You are far more poetic and romantic than you give yourself credit for. I read your words many times. Your love leaps off the pages and touches my heart.
Chapter 15
October 1939
Charlie
Charlie heads toward the O’Reilly house, walking as fast as he can without breaking into a run. The plan was to meet Thomas on the college campus at five o’clock after his last class of the day, but Thomas didn’t show. Charlie stopped a few other students to ask if anyone had seen him, but none could recall. He hung around another hour until the sickening feeling in his stomach had spurred him to act.
Having recently passed their two-year anniversary, it is undeniable that Thomas fills Charlie’s world with color and texture and depth, having saved him from the numb and monotone life he had been living before. The O’Reillys accepted him as Thomas’s buddy, and he visits at the house regularly. He and Thomas have done the impossible and fooled everyone with their lies and half-truths. While he rarely chances visiting his mother anymore, he sees Evie often enough and receives family updates from her. It’s not ideal, but he lives with it and tries to push his shame and guilt to one side. And as Thomas predicted, he and Evie have become firm friends, sometimes just the two ofthem spending time together. Charlie doesn’t mind too much now that his sister is going steady with Richard.
All in all, Charlie thought things were going about as well as could be expected until last week, when Thomas’s mood had suddenly turned uncharacteristically sullen. Thomas has had his down days before—they both have—but it scared Charlie to see that usual glint in his eyes all but gone. Charlie tried to coax the cause of the problem from Thomas, but he refused to explain what was bothering him, acting so unlike his normal, talkative self. Charlie hoped it might simply be Thomas fretting about his final year of college, or the terrible state of the world with war breaking out in Europe, but the truth is, he’s frightened Thomas has grown bored of him. A traitorous part of his mind worries that Thomas has met someone else—some fancy college boy smart enough to actually talk with him about all the things he loves. Or maybe he’s decided he wants to have a family of his own and has his eye set on some eligible young broad. How could Charlie deny him if he wants to be a father one day? He doesn’t know how he will continue if that’s what this is.
His body now heavy with dread, he pushes himself up the front steps of the O’Reilly house and knocks firmly on the door. He’s already rapping his knuckles a second time when Bridget finally appears.
“Oh—hello, Charlie. Was Thomas expecting you?” Bridget greets him with a curtness Charlie hasn’t heard before, and there are dark circles under her deep brown eyes that fail to meet his.
“We were supposed to meet on campus at five, but he wasn’t there. Is he home? Is he sick or somethin’?”
Charlie takes a step forward, trying to look past Bridget into the house, but she stands firm in the doorway, not moving to usher him inside as she normally would.
“Tom woke yesterday feeling unwell and hasn’t been to class. He’s still under the weather and not up to receiving visitors today. I’m sorry you had to waste your time waiting for him and then come all the way up here. Could he give you a ring once he’s feeling better?”
“Ain’t got a telephone where I live, but, uh, tell him he can call Jimmy’s during the day and ask for me there.” He tries to take another step forward. “Can’t I just come in and see him for a few minutes? Give him my best wishes?”
