Page 60 of Pages of My Heart
Charlie x
A few minutes later he’s back outside, the book tucked safely inside his jacket pocket, ready to give to Thomas when they’re alone. He spots Thomas walking toward him, right on time, and smiles—that is, until he notices Joey and some of the others from his company walking right behind him, and it slaps the grin right off his face. Perhaps it was naive to assume they wouldn’t run into anyone, but he had hoped none the less. Thomas reaches him, candy bar held out in offering, just as the men spot him.
“Miller! Good to see you.” Joey slaps him hard on the back with a toothy grin.
A round of greetings is exchanged while Thomas stands quietly behind him.
Charlie steps back, motioning to Thomas. “This is Thomas O’Reilly, my buddy who’s been puttin’ me up for the weekend.We went to school together back in Chicago. Thomas, this is Joey, Will, Grant, and everyone just calls this guy Chubba.”
Thomas shakes hands with them while Charlie contemplates how to get away as quickly as possible. But Joey chimes in before he can make their excuses.
“Charlie, have you been on that double date yet?” Joey follows it up with his customary wink and a light elbow jab to Chubba’s ribs.
Charlie never gets used to lying. If anything, the longer he does it, the more he fucking hates it. He also feels especially vulnerable right now, the book for Thomas suddenly like a hot brand against his chest. “Nah, not yet. That’s tonight. O’Reilly says she’s a real looker. But I dunno . . . after last night I think I’m kinda sweet on O’Reilly’s sister, Maggie. She’s got long red hair and curves in all the right places, if ya catch my drift.” Charlie makes a lewd face, and all the boys burst into laughter.
“O’Reilly, you better keep your eye on your sis with this scoundrel around,” Joey says. “The stories he’s told us . . . Miller’s got all the right moves.”
“I reckon I better keepbotheyes on him.” Charlie risks a glance in his direction and sees that Thomas’s face has turned an angry shade of red. “He’ll be getting a fucking knuckle sandwich if he goes anywhere near my little sister.”
A round of juvenile reactions follow, but Charlie doesn’t join in, his body turning ice cold. He doesn’t know what made him say it, but he’s crossed a line, and he knows it. Thomas’s refusal to even look at him right now speaks volumes.
“You boys enjoy yourselves,” Charlie manages to say, already moving away. “We gotta dash.”
Charlie walks in the direction of the motel with Thomas following not far behind, his heavy breaths a constant reminder that Charlie screwed up. But there’s no point beginning aconversation while they’re out in public, so they continue in silence until they reach their room. The moment the door is closed, Thomas moves into his space, his eyes filled with ire.
“Why, Charlie? Why would you say that about Maggie?”
“I don’t know.” He shakes his head, truly baffled by his own behavior. “I was trying to throw ’em off. It just popped into my head! Why are you so fuckin’ angry about it?”
Thomas turns away and starts pacing in front of the bed. “I don’t know. It just . . . fuck, Charlie! You and Maggie get along so well, and she’s my . . . my sister!”
“What, you think there’s some part of me that’s attracted to Maggie?” Charlie’s mouth turns down in disgust. “Jesus, Tommy! If anyone should be worried here, it should be me. I’ve seen the way Evie looks at you.”
“Are you holding my friendship with your sister against me right now? I would never,eversuggest I was interested in your sister, even as a lie to deter someone. Christ!” He tugs angrily at his hair. “I’m so fucking sick of living like this! Ihatethat people don’t know you’re mine. Because you fucking are mine, Charlie.” Thomas stops pacing and their eyes lock. “You belong tome.”
Charlie doesn’t hesitate. He sheds his clothes with a frenzied determination, Thomas only seconds behind him. Thomas pushes him back against the wall and kisses him roughly. He wants Thomas inside him, wants to give him everything he needs.
Thomas spits into his hand and strokes it over his already hard cock, and Charlie’s skin flushes white hot with the realization that Thomas plans to take him right here where they stand. Thomas scoops him up under the thighs, biceps bulging, and Charlie wraps his legs around Thomas’s waist and his arms around his neck. Thomas bites into Charlie’s shoulder as hepushes his cock inside him, pulling a guttural moan from deep within Charlie’s chest. Without any preparation or proper lubrication, it burns. But he wants it, heneedsit, and he wills himself to relax and open up. Thomas thrusts hard and deep, Charlie’s back repeatedly slamming into the wall with the force of it. Within minutes, Thomas spills inside him with mournful cries that are only part pleasure. To live and love as they do—in the shadows, outside the conventions of society—will always bear with it some measure of pain.
Thomas lowers Charlie down to the floor and then sinks to his knees, taking Charlie into his mouth. “Only for you, sweetheart,” Charlie moans, stroking his fingers through Thomas’s hair. “Only you.”
He comes hard into Thomas’s mouth, relief washing over him as he feels Thomas’s anger finally dissolve—his muscles unknotting, his face softening, his touch turning gentle and tender. He peppers delicate kisses up Charlie’s body as he stands until their lips meet, soft and sincere once again.
They wind up back in bed as they talk things through. Charlie apologizes, and Thomas tells him it’s not warranted. Neither of them wanted to waste a second of this precious time fighting, but Charlie understands why it happened. They’re living through something untenable—time at first chasing them, now beside them, and soon outrunning them altogether. And yet they fight and thrash against it, mere fools in Fate’s powerful embrace. Charlie doubts that God watches over men of their kind.
“I got somethin’ for ya,” he says, slipping out of bed and retrieving the present from the pocket of his uniform still lying discarded on the floor. Climbing back in, he gives it to Thomas, who turns it over in his hands a few times.
“You didn’t have to buy me anything. You’re all I ever need.”
“It’s for your birthday. Bad enough I wasn’t there to celebrate with you.” He bumps him with his knee. “Open it.”
Thomas pulls on the bow, then sets the twine aside before unwrapping the paper and inhaling sharply. “Oh, Charlie, I love it! I’ll read every poem in it,” he says, flicking through the pages excitedly.
“I wrote somethin’ in the front,” he tells him, feeling a bit bashful now. “I didn’t have much time, but I hope ya like it. I ain’t good with words like you.”
“You’re plenty good with words.” Thomas turns to the front page and reads the inscription, eyes growing damp.
“Do you like it?”
