Page 23 of Falling for Autumn
“Did your parents show you love and acceptance as a kid?”
“Yes. All the time. They poured into us that we were beautiful, deserving of love and respect, and they protected us as much as they could. But that outside world was hateful and cruel.”
“And it always will be. The only one who can truly protect you against the bullshit is you. You alone have the power to shut that out, by ignoring the ignorance, standing firm on your faith, and knowing who the fuck you are, so can’t a muthafucka tell you shit.”
I hadn’t meant to snap at her, but I was angry. My heart was hurting for Autumn because she was so beautiful. I hated that she didn’t see what I did.
“I’ve tried. I thought I did know.” She sobbed.
I reached out and cupped her chin. Looking into her eyes, I affirmed her. “You bring light into my life, Autumn. You and that little girl take away the loneliness that I feel and give me something more to look forward to every day. When you laugh, I can’t help but laugh, too, because it’s infectious. The hope that I see in your eyes and the way you love people and give of yourself unselfishly gives me hope that there is still good in this world.
“You’re very intelligent and humble enough to know and admit when you’re not operating in your lane. You’re beautiful as hell, got the face of a fucking cover girl model.”
She tried to pull her face away from me and look away. “Look at me,” I demanded, turning her face back around to me. “You do. You’re a beautiful soul and a beautiful woman. And if you’re thinking about your weight, I don’t give a shit about that, Autumn. To me, you’re fucking fine as hell. I love a big woman. A woman who can keep me warm in the winter and can handle what I throw at her without worrying about me putting her back out or breaking a hip.”
Autumn’s eyes rounded, and a little gasp escaped her lips.
“Yeah, I said that shit. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m attracted as hell to you. Give me a BBW over a skinny chick or curvy chick any day. She can not only handle a nigga, but she also knows how to take care of a nigga’s heart and soul. She can hold me down. So stop doubting yourself. I don’t know who the first nigga was that put a chink in your armor, but I’m gonna knock that shit out of there. I’ll hammer away at every part of your armor until I’ve restored it and reinforced it, because that’s what you mean to me, Autumn.”
She swiped at the tears when I let her face go. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better about what happened.”
My jaw clenched angrily as I jerked the car door open and got out of it. I rushed to the other side just as she climbed out.
“Please don’t be mad at me, October. I’m just stating how I feel.”
I cornered her against my car, placing my hands on the top of the car and trapping her between me and the car. “Feel how you feel, but don’t try to put that shit on me. I don’t feel that way. Everything I just said had nothing to do with that bullshit other people have put in your head. My words came from my heart and soul. That’s what I need you to understand and respect. Got it?”
She nodded and swiped at her eyes again. “I understand, October. I do. But you didn’t have to do all that at the game. Grabbing my hand, claiming me as your woman, and all that you did to stand up for me.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re friends. You could have made your point without claiming to be my man.”
“What if I want more?”
“More what, October?”
“More of you. More of us. You and Auburn.”
She rolled her eyes and looked away. I waited until she met my gaze again. “I come with way too much baggage.”
“Don’t we all? That’s why Big Homie up there gave me these big ass shoulders and arms, so I could carry it and not break underneath the challenge.”
“What are you saying to me?”
“I’m saying that I want you to be my woman, Autumn. Damn, I ain’t good at this shit. I’ve been trying to show you over the last couple of years that I’m interested in you. But seeing as how you haven’t figured that shit out, let me say it the way we used to say that shit in elementary. Would you be my girlfriend, Autumn Meshaun Woods?”
She giggled and swiped at the tears. Looking away, she shook her head briefly, and a nigga’s heart seized in his chest. I hoped that she was not about to crush my feelings and break my heart out on this damn sidewalk.
“Are you serious, or are you toying with my heart, October?”
I didn’t say anything. I mugged the shit out of her.
“I only ask because I’ve been through some things, October. I don’t have the liberty to take chances with my heart anymore because so much more comes with that than just me now.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I’m just saying that I’m a package deal, and that’s a lot for anyone.”
