Page 36 of Falling for Autumn
“Nigga, I wish you would!” I hissed into the phone.
Despite the venom in my voice and the challenge in my tone, I felt anything but courageous. I was scared that he would uphold that threat. The last thing that I wanted was to go to court to fight for custody of my baby. I didn’t want Wilson’s ass even having visitation rights, because he didn’t deserve them. It wasn’t because he wasn’t a good man to me or that he had cheated on his wife.
It was because he didn’t uphold his word, and he hadn’t been here throughout my pregnancy with her. I wouldn’t allow my daughter to have an on-again, off-again father who came around whenever it suited him. She deserved to have someone consistent, stable, and faithful in her life, the way that October had already proven himself to be.
Auburn wasn’t his responsibility, but he had voluntarily taken her on. It was October who showed up with diapers, wipes, clothes, bibs, and everything else that my baby needed, not Wilson. It was October who fed, burped, and rocked her when she was upset. It was October who was at my house on the daily building a bond with my baby over the last two years. It was October who spent time with her, teaching her to walk and learning her colors and numbers alongside me.
“Why’re you tripping? I’ve spent the last couple of years trying to get my shit in order so that I can be there for you and my baby.”
“You could have communicated that to me, Wilson. But you didn’t. Instead, you ghosted me and had me running around town with a pregnant ass belly chasing after you and looking likea fool. So, anything you got in order, you did it for yourself. You didn’t do it for her or me.”
“Y’all belong to me, Mesha. And we belong to each other.”
“No. I belong to myself. My baby belongs to me. And you belong to the streets . . . or to that ratchet ass wife of yours. I don’t know, but you’re not mine because I don’t want you, and neither does my baby.”
“Listen, Mesha. I know that I fucked up and ran when I should have stood my ground. It was just too much going on. I was worried about losing my son and?—”
“Instead, you lost your daughter. Had you been open and honest about the situation from the jump, we wouldn’t be here now. Even if you hadn’t been open and honest, but you had stood your ground for your baby, then you would at least be in her life, but not mine. You traded us in, Wilson.”
“I didn’t trade y’all in, baby. I fucked up, and I tried to fix some things by putting you on hold.”
“So, you’re saying that you took for granted that I would be standing on the sidelines waiting for your return?”
“It wasn’t my intention, but I did.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Did you put us on the sidelines, Wilson?”
“Because I . . . I don’t know. I just figured you’d always be there.”
“Because you thought that I had no choice but to put up with your shit. You thought that I was so desperate to be loved, so insecure and self-conscious about my weight that I couldn’t find someone else.”
“I mean, you are insecure, Mesha.”
“And that gave you a right to play me the way that you did?”
“Nah, but I’m just saying, I didn’t think you’d go anywhere else. I know you love a nigga.”
“No. I don’t. I mistook desire and lust for love. But I don’t love you, and I know for a fact that you didn’t love me. You used me, Wilson. I don’t have to accept that. Love is waiting for me. A love that is accepting of who I am, that builds me strong, that affirms me and encourages me. You don’t give me that. You never did. I now know what it feels like to be loved.”
“Are you saying you found someone else, Mesha? Because if you got another nigga around my baby, then I’m not playing with your ass. I’m coming with drama, Mesha.”
“You don’t have a right to do anything.”
He chuckled. “Guess that shit must be true.”
“What?”
“I heard you’ve been running around town with some nigga. Let me find out that shit true, and I promise I’m coming to destroy your world and his.”
“Don’t you dare threaten me, Wilson. You’ve got a whole wife out there and another kid. You lied to me, and I didn’t deserve that,” I declared, hiccupping a sob in.
“Autumn.”
October’s voice was a deep warning behind me, filled with tension and concern. I heard Auburn’s sweet little whimper, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d been the one to wake them both.
