Page 46 of Falling for Autumn
“I don’t even know why you bothered,” I replied tiredly, dropping down in the chair behind my desk.
“Because I thought you had grown up. I thought you’d matured. I’m tired of seeing my family ripped apart over this stupid shit. Both you boys need to get your act together and pull your heads out of your asses.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Funny thing about that, Polo. Whenever he fucks up, it’s about both of us. Whenever I do, it’s all on me. You know something? I’m tired of carrying the bag for this family. Y’all on your own, and it’s time for me to focus on my future.”
“The fuck is you saying to me?” he demanded, standing up with his fists on the desk.
“You know what I’m saying. The guilt trip about Mama dying in the boating accident because I wanted to go boating. I was two muthafuckin’ years old, Polo. How the fuck you gon’ blame me?”
“I didn’t!”
I was generally a calm muthafucka, but he was trying me. I bolted out of my chair to meet his energy. “Yes the fuck you did! Every time you claimed, ‘she wouldn’t have died if it hadn’t been for October wanting to get on the boat.’”
“I was teasing you.” He calmed his energy down, and so did I.
“No, you weren’t. You said that shit to Kevin and Kember all the time, and you meant every word.”
He shook his head and waved his hand. “I should’ve listened to your sister. She was right; you weren’t trying to hear me and no one else. Well, I wanted you to know the only reason I came is because my granddaughter wanted you two to make up. She wants you in her life.”
“Tell her to ask her mama why I’m not in her life. And another thing, tell her mama to quit following me around town. It ain’t a good look.”
“How you take care of a baby for so long and then just disappear from her life is beyond me. What kinda father are you?”
“I’m a damn good daddy. Trust me, my baby girl feels it.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that you’ve been walking around claiming some chick’s kid as yours. But you can’t even claim that one. Damn shame.”
“Goodbye, Polo,” I growled.
He walked out of my office and slammed my door behind him. After he left, I knocked everything off my desk and onto the floor.
Although I’d finishedwork for the day, I didn’t leave the shop until a couple of hours later. I needed time to release all the anger and frustration that stirred in me after my dad’s visit. I didn’t want to take that energy home to my girls. They deserved only the best of me. His visit had only reinforced what I already knew: It was past time to tell Autumn about my past.
I headed inside my brownstone, showered, and put on some clean clothes. I never immediately went to them after leaving the shop, and if I did, it was usually because I showered and changed at the shop before heading home. I hadn’t brought any fresh clothes with me today, so that was out of the question.
Although Autumn never had to say it, I didn’t want to come around Auburn with oil and car chemicals on my hands and clothing. I jogged back downstairs and headed to my kitchen to grab a protein shake. I wasn’t sure if Autumn had finished cooking or not, but I wanted something to hold me over until she did.
We had fallen into the routine of her cooking for us Sundays through Wednesdays, I cooked Thursdays, and I took us out to eat on Fridays and Saturdays. As I closed the refrigerator, I thought that I heard some noise in the backyard. I pulled the curtains back from the window and saw Autumn sitting on her patio with some nigga. She was facing me, but she was not looking at me, and whoever the nigga was, he was holding Auburn.
I slammed the protein shake on the counter and headed to the back door. Rage burned through me because she didn’t have any brothers, and I didn’t know shit about any male cousins. I jerked the door open and slammed it behind me, causing Autumn to look up.
Her eyes were wide as she looked nervously at him and then me.
“Say, ma. Who’s that nigga holding my baby girl?”
He turned around and mugged me. “Your baby? Nigga, this is my kid. Mesha, something you ain’t telling me?”
I rounded the wall that divided our patios until I was standing between him and her. “Oh, now you wanna be a daddy? They don’t need your ass. They got everything they need right here with me.”
Auburn jumped off his lap and ran to me. I lifted her easily into my arms as she greeted me with a happy “Toba!”
“Mesha, you thought you were gon’ let this deadbeat ass nigga who can’t take care of his kid raise my kid?”
“What are you talking about, Wilson? He’s not a deadbeat, and how do you know him?”
“Yes, the fuck he is. We used to run in the same circles back in the day. That nigga served two years for domestic violence.”
My fucking heart dropped when she turned to look at me with questions in her eyes. I could tell that she didn’t want tobelieve him, but she was uncertain. I needed her to keep her faith in me.
