Page 53 of Falling for Autumn
She pointed down at the blanket. “Can we please sit down and discuss this?”
I lowered to the ground after her and leaned against the wall. With my legs extended in front of me, I crossed them at the ankles and crossed my arms over my chest. “A’ight. I’m listening.”
“I was wrong for not giving you the benefit of the doubt, October. From the moment that TJ popped up again, I had a lot of doubts about you, her, and whatever you two had going on. I was jealous, hurt, and suspicious. So when Wilson came with his story, it was easy for me to run with it. I’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop since we became involved.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re a great man, October. Sometimes, I tell myself that you’re too good to be true. Honestly, that’s not fair to you, but I know that stems from my insecurities and that has nothing to do with you.”
“You’re the least insecure person that I know, Autumn. You’re a confident, bold, and beautiful woman.”
“I wish that were all true. I exude that because it helps me find the strength to look past what others say about me.”
“Why does what other people think about you matter when I’m the only nigga’s opinions you should be concerned with?”
Shrugging, she replied, “It’s been ingrained in me. Wynter is extremely confident despite people trying to break her down through the years about her size and her darker coloring compared to mine. She didn’t let the haters break her, but she let them strengthen her. I, on the other hand, didn’t feel the same. As much as I tried to listen to my parents and GiGi’s opinions about me, I couldn’t help but look in the mirror and see what others saw. I took their criticism about my weight to heart, even when I didn’t show it.
“When they said I would be a pretty girl if I just lost a few pounds, I believed them. When I was told that if I did more sit-ups and got my belly and waistline smaller, more guys would likeme, I tried that shit. I had just gotten to a place where I loved myself and felt good about myself when I learned that Wilson had a wife. The way she ridiculed me made me feel like that chubby kid and that obese teen all over again. It didn’t help that he denied being with me. It had me doubting myself because she was petite, curvy without being too big, and?—”
“And he still cheated on her ass,” I interjected. “Autumn, if a man cheats on you, it’s because that was his plan all along. If he hides a whole wife and kid from you, he never had plans on leaving them for you.”
“Then what’s your excuse?” she asked, causing my heart to plunge.
“I don’t have a wife or a kid. Well, I didn’t before you and Auburn. But if you care to listen this time, I’ll tell you what I should have told you from the start. It’s what I was coming home to tell you that evening.”
“How convenient,” she declared sarcastically.
“I told you the night before that I had something I needed to share with you.”
“You did.”
“That’s what I was going to share. I met Trish when I was sixteen. We were involved for a few years, and while I ran the streets, she held me down. When we were nineteen, I got her pregnant, but we lost the baby when she was six months along. A couple of months later, we found out that she was pregnant again. This time, she carried the baby to term, and we were both happy. We had our baby when I was twenty, and I worked my ass off to take care of her.”
“With your car shop?”
I shook my head. I knew her ass recalled that I said I didn’t start it until a few years ago. She was testing me, but I’d let her have it. “I was in the streets back then, running guns, dope, and running my dad’s chop shop. I seldom had time at home becauseI needed to make sure that I could take care of my girl and my kid. For two years, I took care of them and saved my money to build legitimate businesses before I got locked up.”
I tore my gaze away from Autumn because I didn’t want any pity. I wanted her to know the truth, but I wanted her respect more than anything.
“I used to leave around nine in the morning and didn’t come back until around two the following morning. I was a hardcore hustler. I came home one night around eight in the evening. It was only because some of our corner boys had gotten robbed. I came home to get my tool, but I didn’t expect to find my big brother, Kevin, banging my girl. Our baby girl was in her crib crying, and there were pills and powder from my stash lined up on the nightstand where they had been getting high. I lost my damn mind and pulled out a gun on him. I beat the shit out of him with the gun and then shoved it down his throat.”
My voice broke, and it was hard for me to continue with the story. I refused to look into her eyes because I would either see pity or disgust there, and I could not take either one.
“I was gonna kill him, Autumn. I was gonna kill my brother because I knew he dragged her into that shit. Trish tried pulling me off him. She threatened to call the police, but I knew that she wouldn’t do that. My brother was an addict, and Trisha used to let him keep his drugs in her house. I never even kept my shit there, but he knew where I kept it. He stole from me all the time. Even while she was my girl, she pretended she was letting him stash his shit there on the tip that he was my big brother.”
“Even with your kid in the house?”
I nodded. “Trish jumped on me and began beating me in the back of the head with a skillet. I waved my hands around, trying to get her off me, but then she started choking me. I was bleeding from the back of the head. I passed out. When I woke up, she was holding a gun to my head and telling me that if she hadto choose, she would choose him. The only thing that saved me was that my baby started crying loudly, and someone knocked on the door. When she looked away, I kicked her feet out from underneath her. She fell, but she was like an animal refusing to let up. We were close to the fireplace, and she grabbed the poker and came at me again. I dodged it and punched her in the head to knock her out, but that shit didn’t work.”
“Was she high too?”
I nodded. “I didn’t realize it right away, but eventually I did when I looked into her eyes and saw they were dilated.”
My throat almost closed, but I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. Autumn jumped up and ran into my house. When she returned, she held a water bottle out to me. I unscrewed the cap and drank half of it before I continued talking.
“She came at me repeatedly with that poker. I hit her in the head and her face a couple of times to stop her ass. It was her neighbor who had been at the door. She heard the commotion and called the police. When they arrived, she and my brother told the story that I’d broken in and jumped them. She let my ass go down for what I had done, when fighting her was in self-defense.”
“You couldn’t have gotten a good lawyer?”
