Page 54 of Falling for Autumn
“I didn’t give a shit. My head was fucked up, Autumn. I wanted to be so far away from those two. Besides, I had beaten the shit out of my brother. So yeah, I eventually got a lawyer, and he got the charges against me for TJ dropped, but not the ones for my brother. They both testified against me in court, and I went away for two years.”
“Is the child your daughter or not? And if so, why don’t you take care of her? Why isn’t she in your life?”
My stomach ached, but I knew I needed to put the entire truth on the table.
“I made provisions to take care of her while I was locked away in prison. My sister and dad brought her to see me repeatedly, even though I told them not to do that shit. When I got out, some of the dope boys said that Trish and my brother were still messing around. I didn’t give a shit by then, because I was done with Trish’s ass. I only cared about my child and making sure that I was in her life and she was good.
“It was Trish’s mother who told me to get the DNA test. She said that my brother had been coming around a lot longer than I knew. She said she didn’t want to see me get screwed over because she knew I was a good person. But she begged me not to tell that she was the one who told me. I got the test and found out that Emperia wasn’t my kid. She was almost five years old when I learned that shit, and it fucked my head up.”
“Oh my gosh, October. I’m so sorry,” Autumn whispered, pressing her hand over her mouth.
“I was torn. I was the only daddy this little girl knew, but it was hard as hell to keep up the façade. The more that I paid attention to her, I could see the little things that I had chosen to ignore before. Her facial features are like mine, but she has hazel eyes like my brother, the blonde streaks in her hair like his, and the dimple in her left cheek like his.”
“Is your brother white?”
I shook my head. “Our mother was mixed. Her father was white, and he got those eyes and blonde streaks from our maternal grandfather. That’s why it was easy to ignore at first. My sister and brother are twins and look like my mom and her side of the family. I look just like my dad.”
“So what did you do?”
“I went away for a few weeks to clear my head. I wanted to go back and beat the shit out of them both. It hurt too bad just to let it go. But then my sister, Kember, reminded me that my freedomwas too precious, and that I could do more damage and good on this side of the prison walls.”
“Is that the same sister who was pregnant while you were locked up?”
I nodded. “Yeah. She’s my only sister.”
“Why does everyone think that’s your kid?”
“I didn’t blast ’em. Only my father, sister, Reuben, and Sarai know.”
“All because you loved that little girl?”
It touched my heart that Autumn was the first one, aside from Kember, who understood that. She got me in a way that no one else ever had.
“Yeah. I didn’t see a reason to fuck up her future. Kids and adults can be cruel. I didn’t want people talking about her and that shit following her all her life.”
“But what about your reputation?”
I shrugged. “I told you that I don’t give a fuck what people think about me.”
“Yes, but now they’re thinking that she has a father who doesn’t care about her.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way. Autumn always gave me something to think about. She moved from her side of the patio to sit with me, with her back pressed against the wall. I flinched when she reached out and wiped away the tears that I didn’t know I had released.
“My bad,” I mumbled.
“It’s okay for you to hurt and feel your pain. It’s okay for you to cry. It’s powerful and cleansing, and essential for healing.” She wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I rested my head against the wall and let the tears flow for a few minutes. We sat in silence while she let me get that shit out of my system. It had been locked away for far too long. I guess Kember had beenright: I needed to confront my past so that my future wouldn’t be murky.
“I’m so sorry, October. You deserved the benefit of the doubt, and I bailed on you when you needed me the most. Please forgive me. I love you, and I want us to work this out.”
I turned my head and grabbed her hand in mine. Linking our fingers, I dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Okay. We’ll talk about it, but not tonight. Tonight, I wanna fuck up this food,” I replied, waving my hand at the meal she had fixed.
She laughed and nodded. “Boy, you’d better, especially after I slaved over that grill to get my man back.”
I lifted her onto my lap and held her in my arms. Kissing the top of her head, I thought about the other thing I needed to share with her.
“You never lost me, baby. I’ve always been waiting right here for you to figure out that I belong to you and Auburn.”
Chapter 20
