Page 112 of Rivals
He grins and opens his mouth to say something. Before he has a chance, another body hits him, and his grasp is ripped away. My mind moves a thousand miles a minute, and I realize Lachlan has him on the ground. My feet freeze as he lifts his fist and socks the dealer. The guy tries to fight him while Lachlan has him pinned. “You touched what’s mine. You are going to die because of it,” Lachlan grunts.
The dealer moans and tries to struggle out of Lachlan’s grip. His forearms are under Lachlan’s knees as he wails on him. Blood splatters Lachlan’s shirt, and he hits him again, and it slings onto his face. The guy kicks his legs, and Lachlan reaches around, grabbing the guy’s balls. He squeezes so hard it makes me wince. The man squeals like a little girl until his voice cracks. Then Lachlan returns his fists to him. This wasn’t really a fight at all.
His hands keep going, and the dealer is barely moving. I scream in my head until my voice decides to work. “Lachlan! Stop! Please!”
He shakes his head without looking at me. “No,” he grunts and lands another blow to the man’s already bloodied face. He grips the dealer’s throat and squeezes, giving him leverage to throw another punch. If he keeps going, he’s going to kill this man.
I am not worth killing for. I am not worth the blood already on his hands.
I hesitantly touch Lachlan’s shoulder, trying to avoid his flying fists. “Please, stop. Please, I…” He glances at me with murder in his eyes. My voice breaks, and I force the words out because I know Lachlan is about to do something he can never take back. “Lachlan, please, I need you! Don’t do this. Don’t stain your soul for me. I’m not worth that. Please,” I beg.
His fists stop, and the man lies eerily still. I almost lean down to check for a pulse, but then a small groan comes from his lips. Lachlan looks at me with a conflicted gaze as blood drips off his face. It feels like a stab in the heart. I did this. Again.
“Please,” I whimper. The violent glaze of his eyes dissipates, and he stands from the man. Another groan comes from his mouth, and Lachlan grabs my elbow and yanks me across the street into our building. He rushes us up the stairs and, with steady hands, opens our door and kicks it closed, locking it behind him. His bloody hands and split knuckles run up and down my body and then slide into each of my pockets. He pulls out what I thought was the pills, but is the bag of white powder.
His jaw is so hard it could break stone. I shake my head. “That’s not—I didn’t…that’s not—“ I’ve never seen him this angry with me. His nostrils flare, and that cocaine looks like the oblivion I need. The adrenaline starts to fade, and my hands shake as I reach for Lachlan. His hair is all over the place, and he doesn’t seem to notice the blood splattered on his body.
He spins on his heel and goes to the bathroom. I follow behind him, trying to figure out how to convince him that maybe just a little would be ok. It’s all I need. He flips the lid to the toilet and opens the baggie, flushing it all.
I hold my shaking hands at my side, and Lachlan faces me again. His attention feels like it’s choking me, forcing me to pay attention to him. His angry scowl slides over my body again. I’m sure I have bruises starting to appear around my neck. I know nothing I can say will make him feel better. So, like the coward I am, I stand there and wait for him to break my heart because I know I deserve it. I know I deserve every ugly word he’s about to throw at me.
“I would have killed him for you,” he says. I jerk back, and my jaw drops. His lips are in a thin line, and his broad chest heaves, and I don’t know what to say to that.
I cough and stare at the violence on his face. “I’m not worth that,” I whisper, and I mean every word. I’m not.
He scoffs, throws his arms out like he’s about to yell at me, and then drops them. His hands slap on his thighs, making me jump. He lifts the back of his hand and swipes some blood off of his face. “What don’t you understand? You are wortheverythingto me. I don’t care about anything else. Not the competition, not the way you fling your anger at me, about what others think of us, or the things we create together.Only you, Revna.”
I’m stunned. My brain is blank for words, and my heart feels…warm.
“You are so stubborn, you refuse to see it. And I understand that I didn’t see until you came into my life. But we can’t do this on our own. The only way we’ve been able to make anything is together. I’ve been alone for a long time, Revna. You have shown me what it feels like not to have the ache of loneliness gaping in my soul. Don’t you see? We were meant for this. Why can’t you accept that? I want you, Revna. I want all of you. So yes, little bird, you are worth every drop of blood that has spilled. And I would do it again.” His chest heaves with all the heavy words he’s been carrying. He stands there for a breath like he’s expecting a response, but stones are lodged in my throat. I can’t give him one.
I watch him whip a towel off the bar and scrub his face and hands from the mess. He hisses when the soap hits his split knuckles. Then he dries his face with the towel. It’s ruined now, tinged light pink from all the blood.
He pulls off his shirt and tosses it on the soiled towel, leaving the bathroom. I don’t look at myself in the mirror because I don’t want to see what I will find. I step out of the bathroom instead. Lachlan sits shirtless on the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head between his hands.
I cough the rocks from my throat, and he lifts his head. “I still don’t understand. Why would you want someone like me? I’m broken, I’m messed up, I’ve had to do things I am not proud of. I did this to you, and this was my fault.” I gesture to the street. He sits up straight and levels me with a stare so severe I think I might drop dead right here and now. His hands push up and down his thighs, and his face winces. I don’t know if it’s the pain from his knuckles or that internal form of pain that no bandage can help.
He should leave me. I knew this wouldn’t last. I knew it would all be temporary. I did this to us because I couldn’t deal. I don’t deserve him, and I think I’ve known that from the first time his lips touched mine. I felt it deep, deep in my soul as if it stirred within me and said,you found him. You found the one that was made for you.There is a reason they say all good things must come to an end, because there is always someone that will inevitably screw it up, aka, me.
“You’re right, baby. This was your fault. I won’t disagree, but I don’t care. I want you and everything that comes with good, bad, right, wrong, beautiful, and ugly. Revna, you are my other half. We are mirrors that crack when they reflect each other. You are the pieces of me, and I am the shards of you. We are meant to fit together because our souls were meant to become one. You are it for me, little bird. I cannot create without you. You aren’t only my muse, you are the pigment to my oil, you are—“
My heart is beating so hard I can’t stop the sarcastic words from coming out of my mouth. “Really? The art supply metaphors?”
A growl rolls up his throat, and I shrug a little. He lifts from the bed and stands toe to toe with me. My breath has completely left my lungs. He grips my face gently, running his thumbs on the underside of my sore jaw. His eyes bore into mine; this is all I’ve wanted my entire life. To be seen. “You are my masterpiece, Revna. I love you.”
I gasp, and his thumbs rub the tears off my cheekbones. “After all of this, you love me?”
He chuckles and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, memorizing the feeling of his lips lingering on my skin. “Yes, I love you so much it physically hurts. But the drugs have to stop.” He kisses my nose and looks me in the eyes again. “And I don’t care if I have to carry all your pieces. You are mine. I refuse to let you go, even if you want to run from me. Because I will chase you to the ends of the Earth for the rest of our lives if I have to.”
A sob rips from my throat, and I lean into his arms. He holds me up as I shatter into a thousand pieces. No one has ever told me they loved me. No one has ever taken the time to give me the chance to be loved.
“You don’t have to answer me back. In fact, I don’t ever expect an answer. But I just want you to understand that I mean it, Revna. You are every bit worth loving, despite what you may believe.”
It feels like deja vu sobbing in his arms. We’ve been here before, and I’ve lost count of the times he’s held me as I fell apart. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” he says, turning me around to go back to the bathroom.
The adrenaline is gone, and I feel like I could sleep for years. Lachlan gently pushes me into the bathroom with his hands on my shoulders. The ancient clawfoot bathtub begins to fill with water as Lachlan undresses me. He leans over to flip the tub off and holds my hand, supporting me while I sink into the warm water.
He kneels next to the tub and pours soap on the loofa, gently moving it around my skin. I lean back and watch him as he dips his hand under the water and lifts my ankle to the edge. Bubbles cover my skin, and though I love this, I love that he’s caring for me even though I don’t deserve it. But I want him closer. I move my leg, and he frowns.
