Page 113 of Rivals
“Please get in with me,” I whisper. He gazes at me for a moment and gets back to his feet. His eyes lock onto mine while he undresses. Our contact only breaks when he places his large palm on my back to move me forward. He slides into the bathtub behind me. Surprisingly, the tub is big enough to hold both of us, even though the water line is precariously high.
He sighs, and his knees come up on either side of my hips, caging me in with them. He reaches for the loofa again and goes over the same places he already was. I almost ask to wash him, but he quickly moves the suds over himself, rinsing us off. I shiver, the water getting a little colder. I drain some of it to fill it again with hot water.
Lachlan slides his hand around the front of my shoulders and tugs me back into his chest. He’s so big in this tub that his frame dwarfs mine. I’ve always liked that. I tilt my head up to look at him. He looks down and dips his head to kiss my nose.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. I shiver, and he sinks us deeper into the water.
“I don’t want your ‘sorry,’ Revna. I want you to want to change, but I can’t do that for you. Only you can. I know this probably isn’t…right, but it doesn’t matter how you swing it. I can’t find it in myself to care.”
“What are you saying?” I ask him and toe his foot.
“I want you to want to stop with the drugs because you want to because it’s better and healthier for you. Not because I don’t know what I’ll do without you. If that man got what he wanted, or worse, Revna, I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you to something that does nothing for you. If you are in such pain, I want you to come to me. But I also know you well enough to know that sometimes, words are just words, and the pain is too much for anyone to bear. So tell me first, let me come with you.” He hugs me tightly and tucks his nose into my neck.
“Together or not at all, little bird. I need you,” he says into my neck. I let his words sink into my mind, permeate my skin, and fill my heart. I don’t want to leave him, not by choice. I see that now. I was an idiot to ignore it as long as I have.
“I’m going to do better,” I tell him because I am. I thought I was trying before, and maybe I was, but life is full of getting back up only to try again. This is no longer about turning over a new leaf here in Italy. I almost lost my life, or worse, all because I needed a fix. I even considered the coke as Lachlan poured it into the toilet. Lachlan almost killed a man because of me.
It’s not just my life on the line anymore; it’s his, too. I won’t be the one to drag him into the pit I’ve found myself in. I don’t want to put him in that position anymore.
“For so long, I’ve been looking out for myself. And I don’t mean that in a selfish way. I mean, I had to survive. If I didn’t keep my guard up, it left me vulnerable. They still did. I forced my mind to lock it away.” Lachlan tenses up behind me. I wonder if I should continue telling him this. He knows a little, but I didn’t give him the whole picture for good reason. That’s my burden to carry.
“You can tell me, Revna, I want to know. You’re not alone anymore.”
I nod against him and continue. “I was twelve the first time. Before then, it was always just fistfights with other kids. I knew something was off when I was in a house with four other kids, and I was the only one who got their own room. The other kids who were there longer than me didn’t say a word. But I’ll never forget the fear in their eyes. I didn’t understand what it was for until the second night. I thought they wanted to let me settle in since I was new to the home. It’s easy to get overwhelmed in group homes. There’s always noise. The second night, I thought I might get a hug and get tucked in. I’d never had that before.” I pause. I’ve never told a soul about this. I didn’t go to therapy. I don’t have friends. I had acquaintances until now.
Lachlan rubs his large palm on my stomach in a soothing motion. His lips press to my temple and then the other side. His touch brings me back to the present instead of sinking deep, deep, deep into the well of my past.
“The husband came into my room that night, and that’s when I knew exactly why I got the room all to myself. I fought him the first time. I had nothing to lose, and I didn’t want him to take something from me, something I didn’t understand. He was too strong…I lost the fight.” Lachlan’s hand pauses on my stomach, but I continue anyway.
“I thought there was power in numbers, so I stayed in the room where the two other girls were sleeping. I slept on the floor. I figured I would be safer there. I wasn’t. When he realized I wasn’t in my room, his wife found me in the girls’ room. She grabbed me and dragged me back with my hair in her fist. He was there, waiting for me. He told me he would go after the other kids if I didn’t cooperate. I knew I didn’t owe them anything, but who was I if I let him get to them, too? I didn’t know what to do with that, so I made the only choice I thought I had at that moment. I…” I feel like I’m going to puke. I take a deep, steadying breath. “I prayed every night that I would get put in a different home. I told the counselor at the school I was sent to at the time, and she didn’t believe me. I wasn’t a good kid. I acted out all the time. No one believed me.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“I eventually got transferred, only the next time it wasn’t the dad, it was his older son. He didn’t care that I shared a room with another kid. I couldn’t figure out what it was about me that made them come after me. I tried to keep myself out of sight. I figured if they didn’t see me, then I would be out of their mind. I was quiet, and I did what was asked. I just wanted to disappear. There were days when I wanted to find my mom and tell her that this was all her fault. I guess I’ll never get the chance.” I take a deep breath and let the rest out.
“I got to the point where I was just counting down the days until I was on my own. Art was the only thing that held me together. After I got out, I was well and truly alone. I preferred it that way. I got into school, and well, you know the rest.”
Lachlan didn’t say anything after we got out of the tub. He dressed me in one of his t-shirts and tucked us both into bed. He pulled me into him, tucked his chin back on my shoulder, and whispered, “Thank you for telling me. I love you, and I willalwaysprotect you.“ Despite the tears flowing down my cheeks, I can’t help the little smile that grows on my face.He loves me.He didn’t just say it when we were having sex. He didn’t say it when we were in the middle of the project. He told me because hewantedto. He’s said it over and over again, and I believe him.
Chapter 67
Lachlan
Itiseasiertomake choices under the cover of night. Even if it’s violent, it’s still easier to swallow. I was going to kill that man, and I didn’t care about the price. Maybe it’s because all of it was under the cover of shadow. But when morning breaks, you have to face the choices you made. There is nowhere to hide. There is no shadow to slide under.
Revna is still asleep, and my split knuckles are throbbing. One of them broke open last night, and there’s blood sprinkled on the sheets.
The reality of what happened is hitting me this morning. My heart hurts, and I want to rip everything apart. I want to find those men who took advantage of the younger Revna. I want to hunt them down and eviscerate them.
I held her last night as she cried herself to sleep. She let all the things that have been kept down by the weights she tied to them sink to the bottom of her soul. But while the memories were drowned, the weight pulled her little by little until she could barely keep her head above water.
“Is that why you did that painting you sold?” I ask her. I know she’s awake. Her breathing changed, and that cute little snore wasn’t vibrating against my chest.
“Yeah,” she says and then coughs to clear her throat. “I saw one of the teenage boys…that hurt me…he was all grown up, but I’d never forgot those eyes. He didn’t forget me, either. He had a wife, Lachlan.A kid.All I could think about was my own pain and what they could be going through. I didn’t know for sure if they were suffering. But…it’s hard to believe people willing to do that change so much that they would never do it again.”
Anger flares hot and bright in me. I hope they are ok. And though people can change, many don’t. I just hopehedid.
“I couldn’t let it go. It brought up so many things that I tried to leave behind. I had no choice but to face it and let it tear me apart,” she rasps like it’s physically painful for her to speak. “Were you happy when you won that award in school for your painting?” she asks.
