Page 131 of Rivals
I didn’t want to leave her in our bed. I didn’t want to see the look in her eyes that told me she knew something else was happening. But she let me go, kissing me one more time before I left.
I hate coming to the Upper East Side. I grew up here, and I hate it. I make my way to the men’s club my dad has been a part of since I can remember. He is a man of substance and schedule. Every day, I could remember him going to the club to work out or schmooze someone for a business deal he was trying to get. If he couldn’t convince you, he would find someone in the club full of important men with dirt on them, using it to get his way. McKay Enterprises is full of business in all industries and as cutthroat as they come. With my father at the helm, there is no mercy for anyone.
I stomp up the stairs to the dark, heavy doors and slip through when someone exits. A man in a suit stands behind a desk, checking people in and out. “I’m here to see Angus McKay,” I tell the man. If you didn’t know my family was Scottish by our last name, there is no question we are by my father’s first.
“Yes, right away. He is in the cigar room down the hall, second door on your left,” he says.
“Thanks,” I grumbled and headed toward the cigar room. Pompous prick. He couldn’t just meet me at the large bar they have here or in the library. It has to be the cigar room. I hate the smell of cigars and always have because he’s smoked them since I was a kid. They’ve always made my nose burn and my eyes water.
I push into the smoke-filled room and find my dad. He’s sitting in a wingback chair with his ankle resting on his knee. He has a newspaper and a cigar hanging from his mouth, with a glass of water and expensive scotch on the table next to him. I walk up to him and wait for him to drop the paper. If he wants to talk, then he can talk.
The paper drops, and he puffs smoke from his lips, pulling the cigar from his mouth and resting it between his fingers. “You’re late,” he says sternly. I shrug and stay standing. He gestures to the seat angled next to the small table.
I clasp my fingers together and wait. I won’t be the first to speak. “I’ll get straight to the point. I want to make you an offer. I saw your work at the Plaza, well I didn’t see it in person. I saw a picture of it. It’s nice, you’ve proven yourself to me. You can come home. Under one condition,” he pauses and looks at me. I school my features. He must have been keeping tabs on me. That’s the only way he would have known about the show at the Plaza.
“You can come home, but you will have to work for the company,” he says. What he doesn’t say is that I would have to give up being an artist. The mere thought makes me want to puke all over his Hermes loafers. “Feel free to think about it. I’m sure your mother and sisters would like to see you,” he says casually.
It’s all I can do not to launch myself over the table and choke him out. How dare he use my mother and sisters as pawns. I glare at him, and instead of dignifying him with a response, I leave the room and don’t look back.
I head straight for the subway to get back home to Revna. I should probably walk off the anger rolling through me, but I want to hold her. I want to feel her body against mine. It feels like the only way to calm the rage, reaching a boiling point.
I manage to catch my breath while the tunnel lights flick past on the subway. I don’t want to consider his offer because it would kill me. But this isn’t just about me anymore. It would mean I would have to give up Revna. I would turn her worst fears into realities. I don’t know that it’s possible to bring her with me. We would be thrust into a life we aren’t familiar with. I may have grown up with it, but the lifestyle of the elite is different when you become an adult. They treat the children of the New York elite as adults, but when you reach the magical age of eighteen, you are expected to contribute to the empire.
For most kids, it’s never a problem. For me, it always was. It was entirely against my father’s wishes. The payment was for the rest of my family. I know he wouldn’t accept Revna. She comes from nothing. She has no relation to someone that would help him get ahead. In other words, in his eyes, she has no value. Therefore, she wouldn’t be worth the time.
But I have the chance to reconnect with my little sisters. I have no idea what they are up to. I don’t know if they even want to see me. I don’t know what my dad told them, and I’m afraid to ask. There is a price for everything. There are consequences to all my actions. I’m willing to pay the price and do the time if it means I can find a way to have both.
I think my mom would accept Revna. She doesn’t see the world like my father. But then again, that was the angry teenage Lachlan. I may not have seen her for what she may or may not be. For all I know, my sisters aren’t great because my father has corrupted them, and they wouldn’t accept either of us. There would be no way of knowing the truth unless I say yes. What is life without family? Revna has never had one. Iamher family. It wouldn’t be right to leave her for my own, and it would rip me apart in the process.
If I say yes, I could lose everything. But maybe the better question is, is this something Revna would want? If she wants it, I’ll do it for her. I’ll give it up for her. It would give her a life where she never has to eat ramen again. She wouldn’t have to work at the diner to get crappy tips. She wouldn’t have to worry about money ever again. Neither of us would. I could take her to Italy and stay there for months if she wanted it. We could take the yacht down the Amalfi coast. Life would look beautiful.
I walk home and roll the idea around in my head. How would I ask her? What are the words I would use to broach the subject? I could see it going a million different ways, and none of them are good. Is my choice already made? Should I ask her at all?
The fury that seemed to curb with my walk home rose hot and fast. I hate my father. I hate him for putting me in a position where I have to choose. I hate him for inadvertently dangling the woman I love in front of me. What makes it worse is that he doesn’t know a thing about her. He doesn’t know that she is the love of my life; she is the missing piece of me. He left me broken and alone. She gave me a home and a chance at a family of our own.
Chapter 77
Revna
Thefireoffeelingsburns through my veins as I sketch and shade Lachlan. It’s the only way I can filter the emotions that rolled off him and into me. My hand moves the charcoal on the paper in a fury. Something happened when I got out of the shower. The phone hung from his hand like it was a dead animal. He was brimming with fury. I could feel it across the room.
He took me like I was his lifeline. I could taste the desperation in his kiss. I could feel his heart grasping at mine because his was breaking over and over again. I don’t believe that once hearts break, they can’t break again. They have the capacity to fracture over and over again until they are just pieces of something that you once had. Something broke Lachlan’s, and it broke mine alongside it.
My heart has been shattered over and over again. It’s not for lack of trying to protect it. I finally was able to build a wall thick enough, and nothing could touch it for a long time. Lachlan broke through those walls, and I, in turn, slipped past his. He knows the rhythm of my heart, just as I recognize his tempo because we are a series of notes that create our song, and I’m just beginning to learn the words.
Only this time, I felt the sharp pricks of a broken heart that had just begun to heal. I angle my pencil to shade his haunted eyes I saw as he laid his forehead against mine. The way his lips parted with each sharp breath. The way he held me so tightly like he was trying to claim me, though I’m already his.
When he left this morning, I knew it wasn’t because he wanted to. It was because he had to. I have no idea how to help him. I can’t demand he talk to me because I’m not talking either. I don’t want to broach the subject because I’m not ready. I don’t know how to deal with this grief. I feel like I’ve been swimming for miles with no shore in sight. I keep kicking with my draining energy, but I can feel the current’s pull. I want to let go, the potential to fail him is strong.
I don’t know how I can learn to deal with myself and help Lachlan, too. NA doesn’t feel like it’s helping, but I know it’s not an overnight situation. Something has to give, that much I know. It seems like we’re both going back to keeping our secrets. But this time. They have the potential to tear us apart for good.
***
I decided to find another TV show to watch because I didn’t want to continueThe Vampire Diarieswithout him. He stomps through the door and angrily pushes a hand through his hair while storming to the kitchen. He throws the cabinets open to grab a cup and fill it with water.
I watch him carefully, not sure if I should say something, and then his eyes catch mine. He holds my gaze and drops it, stomping into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.
The thought of going back to my place has been rolling around in my mind. Maybe we do need time away from each other. It’s possible that this is all too much too fast. The sublet is up next week, and a decision has to be made. I either let it go and find Joshua a new roommate, or I go back. We haven’t talked about it, though. Not that there is anything to discuss. It’s my decision to make.
