Page 138 of Rivals
Betty keeps an eye on me the whole time. I can tell she’s trying to piece together why I freaked out when I saw Mr. Firefighter. There are some people I don’t want to burden. She knows I don’t have family and grew up in the system. She can connect the dots.
Betty and I wrap up before the evening shift comes in. Curtis comes to the front and sets a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the counter. “Sit here and eat little girl,” he commands. I stare back at him, a little shocked he came to the front. He’s a large black man with kind eyes. He doesn’t really talk much, which is fine by me, but he’s always been a steady presence and a great cook.
I don’t argue, and I sit down and eat. I realized I don’t remember the last time I ate. It might have been lunch yesterday, or maybe that was breakfast. I take my time eating, drizzling syrup, and spreading jam all over my pancakes. “Thank you, Curtis,” I say, taking my dishes to the washer.
“You’re welcome. Sometimes, you just need a good meal to clear the cobwebs.” I nod.
“I’ll see you later, Curtis.” He nods and finishes his cleanup.
I haven’t been consistently showing up to NA, but at least I am today. That says something. I lift my collar to check myself and smell like I’ve been sitting gravy all day and I’m in desperate need of a shower, but NA is more important. I haven’t checked my phone yet, and a part of me hopes Lachlan texted, but the screen is blank. Before putting my phone away, I sigh, staring at my background. Lachlan had someone take a picture of us in front of the Milan Cathedral. He stands behind me with a wide smile and my close-lipped one while his palm spreads wide over my stomach with my hand over his. I wish I could have held onto that feeling forever. I wish it would have stayed with me, with us. Happiness is momentary. I know that mainly because I’ve had such brief glimpses of it in my life. But with Lachlan, I felt joy. The happiness was there that day, and the future didn’t feel so scary. It all felt possible because Lach was with me.
I climb up the steps to the church and go to the room we are usually in. The smell of thick coffee and stale donuts permeates my nose, and I do my best to ignore it. People get their chairs and we form a circle.
It’s usually quiet when we all get settled in. People don’t chat or have conversations off to the side. At first, I thought it was odd because everyone seemed to know each other, but maybe that’s the point. They do know each other. We’re all looking for answers, not friends.
“Welcome back, everyone. Thanks for coming,” Chris says. He continues by reminding us that what is said in this room stays here. He hands a token to someone who’s been sober for six months, and everyone claps for him. There are a few stories, and I half listen, debating whether to say something. I’m not a sharer. But what I’m doing isn’t working. So maybe I should be.
Before I have the chance to decide, the hour is up, and the sun is going down. I need to get home. We fold up the chairs, and Chris waves at me. I wave back and slip out the door. Maybe my problem isn’t talking but trying to talk to the wrong people. Ishouldtalk to Lachlan.
Chapter 81
Revna
Igethome,andthe thought of moving back out crosses my mind. I’m paying rent for a place that I don’t even live. I bet Joshua has barely noticed that no one is there. He texted me a while ago, telling me he got my note and hopes I’m doing ok.
Maybe that’s where I need to be.
I push the door closed with my foot and lean down to untie my shoes. “Where have you been?” I look up from the floor. Lachlan is standing a few feet away with his arms crossed and a furious look on his face.
“Since when do you care,Dad,“ I quip.
“Revna,” he grits.
“I was out,” I say and walk past him.
“What were you doing?” he asks. He wants a fight. I can feel it pulsing off of him. I start to unbutton my dress, and he grabs my elbow. “Answer me,” he grunts.
I lean forward as if I’m about to kiss him, and he leans in. “No,” I whisper. I know I’m making it all worse, but I don’t care. Why is he choosing now to ask where I’ve been? I’ve been going to NA off and on for weeks now. And he wants to knownow? I am too tired for this.
I storm into the bathroom and flip the shower on. He follows me in, and I ignore him. He’s fuming as he paces the bathroom. It feels like the walls are closing in. Once the water is warm, I wash quickly and then grab a towel to dry off. He’s stopped pacing now and is leaning against the vanity. His arms are still crossed, and a scowl is etched into his face.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
I laugh sarcastically. “That’s hilarious because last time I checked, you’re keeping something from me, too.”
“How would you know?” He sneers.
I put some lotion on my face and then drop my towel to do the rest of my body. I know it’s a low blow, using my body to make him ease up, but I don’t care. I glance, and his eyes are hot as he looks me up and down. As much as I would like to say I don’t like how his burning gaze trailed down my body, that would be a lie.
I stomp out of the bathroom and angrily rip the drawer open. I find a t-shirt and underwear, pulling them on my body. I huff and push my damp hair out of my face. Lachlan stands off to the side, and it feels like we are in the stare-down of the century.
”Iknow you, Lachlan McKay. Don’t think for a second I don’t notice when you are keeping something from me. It takes one to know one, and you are making it very difficult to trust you right now. Why are you so angry? What did I do? Did someone do something to you? I would ask you these things, but I know better because you won’t tell me. So I won’t bother.“ I huff and go to the kitchen for some water. I’m tired, and I just want to go to bed.
“The same could be said for you!” he yells. I down my water, and his scowl shatters my spine. He hasn’t been this cold with me since the first time we worked together. “You’re gone at all kinds of weird hours. You don’t talk to me. You come home late, and I know you hate walking in the dark. And don’t for a second think that I don’t know you’re doing drugs again. I know the glassy eyes and the numb look on your face.”
Hot and blazing rage fills my veins. “You have a lot of balls calling me out on something you don’t seem to give a shit about.”
“You cannot be serious, Revna! After all I’ve done for you, after all we’ve been through, how can you say that to me?!”
