Page 146 of Rivals
I just need to sit down. I’ll be more comfortable that way. The water is warm and comfortable to my cold body. It feels like a blanket on a cold New York winter day, like Lachlan’s hugs. I’ve always felt safe in his arms, even when we weren’t the best of friends, and his anger burned me. I realize I should have said goodbye. I should have written something to him, but maybe it’s best this way. Maybe silence says more than words ever could.
I dip my finger in the blood that drains from my wrists, and I sleepily lift it to the glass. This won’t last forever, and it’s no note, but it will tell him what I need him to know.
Chapter 85
Lachlan
Iangrilystompdownthe streets, hoping it will bring me peace. I need the calm right now because I know Revna is in such a delicate position. She’s regressed, and I think I will have to say yes to my father because the only way to help Revna is rehab. Which is even scarier to me because I just know they are going to try and medicate her with everything under the sun. I’ve been through it myself. I am terrified of what it will do to her. But is it any more terrifying than seeing her like this?
Would she at least be healthy if she did? Maybe she would be different. Maybe she wouldn’t respond to it like I did, and it would make her flourish. Whatever the case, she deserves to know that it’s an option. I’ll tell my dad I’ll come back, but we have to finish this one thing. After that, I’m not sure, but he will have to accept Revna. I will not leave her. I won’t blame her if she leaves me. The life that left me looked great from the outside, but it was cold and heartless on the inside. With Revna, I have a home. It might get chilly, but I find all the warmth andloveI need with her. I love her and will do anything for her if that means I can see her happy and healthy. If this is what I have to do, then so be it.
I check my phone and see she’s probably at work now. I’ve been walking for hours and didn’t even notice. I walk to the diner, and when I get there, my eyes immediately search for Revna, and I don’t see her. I look at the back door, thinking maybe she went back there. “Hi, Lachlan. Revna’s not here. I thought maybe something came up. I texted her, but she didn’t respond. Is everything ok?” My heart thuds in my chest. It’s a slow thump like it’s about to quit. Betty’s face goes pale. “Lachlan?” I just know something is wrong. I know it. She would have showed up. She always shows up for Betty. Something iswrong.
I take off in the direction of her building and run as fast as my legs can move me. I throw the door open and sprint up the stairs, banging on the door as hard as I can. I will kick the damn thing down if I have to. It swings open, and Joshua stands in the frame. “Dude, what the hell?” he says, blearily rubbing his eyes.
“Is Revna here?” He shakes his head no, and I run back down the stairs without another word and head for home.
My arms and legs pump, and sweat pours down my back. I run through the lobby and to the elevator. It’s too slow, so I go for the stairs and take them two at a time until I reach the third level. I run and reach for my keys. My hands shake so badly I drop them and curse, hastily picking them up.
I finally get it in the hole and push the door open. I don’t see her, and my heart is about to pound out of my chest. I frantically look around. “Revna?!” I scream.
“Baby? Where are you? I’m so sorry.” I say and go into the bathroom. I fall to my knees as a wailing sob is ripped from my lips, from my soul. “No! NO!” I scream in agony and crawl on my hands and knees to my life that’s bleeding on the shower floor. “No, Revna. No, no, no. Please, baby, no. Don’t do this, please.” I open the door, uncaring of the spray pelting my back. I pull her body onto my lap and tap her face several times. “Baby, please wake up. Revna. Revna!” I scream. It’s raw and animalistic. My voice is not my own. I feel for her pulse, and it’s so slow. She’s socold.
My heart feels like a thousand knives are ripping it out, and I can feel every single cut. “Baby, no. Please, no.” I sob and reach for a towel, knotting it as tightly as I can around each wrist. I lift her into my arms, grab a blanket from the bed, wrap her up, and hurry out the door. It couldn’t have been that long.
Wait, it’s been hours.Hours. The love of your life, the very breath you breathe, has been taking her last on the bottom of the shower floor. I go for the stairs again, and her limp body jostles in my hold. I try to keep her as still as I can. She’s swaddled like a baby, and I crash through the doors and the back alley. The hospital is only three blocks away, and I run as fast as I can.
My heart feels like it could give out, but I refuse to let it until I know she’s safe. I heave for every breath as I carry her body. I don’t notice the looks of concern as I make it past the second block. The emergency room is in sight, and I sprint towards the finish.
The automatic doors open, and I rush in, looking for someone to help. “Help! Someone, please! Help me!” I drop to my knees with her in my arms, and her lips are turning blue. Am I too late? Please, God, don’t let me be too late. I don’t care what I have to do. Just let her live. Take me instead.
“What happened,” a nurse says to my eye level.
“I came home, and she was in the shower. She slit her wrists, and she’s lost so much blood. Please, I’m begging you. Help her, please! Don’t let her die. It will kill me. Please, I’m begging you.”
A man comes over to me and tries to take her from me. I try to fight him off, not wanting to let her go. “Son, you have to let her go so we can try and help her. You have to let her go.” I release my arms and fingers. The man rushes her to a gurney, and I watch them push her through the swinging doors. I know there’s nothing else I can do. I know I don’t have that kind of power. Not even selling my soul to the devil would save her. She has to want to fight. I can’t fight this battle for her.
A sob racks through me, and I can’t breathe as I kneel there with her blood on my hands. I look down and see my shirt stained red. Panic sets in, and I scream, wiping away at my shirt. The older nurse who spoke to me touches my shoulder, and I jump. “Please, help her. Please, please, I need her,” I sob.
She kneels and touches my knee. “We’re going to do everything we can. Let’s get you cleaned up, honey.”
“No! No, I’m not leaving her, no!”
She puts her hand on my back, trying to soothe me, but I just keep shaking my head. It’s like an out-of-body experience. I hardly understand what’s happening, except that I might lose her. I can’t lose her.
“What’s your name, honey?” she asks.
“Lachlan,” I rasp.
She nods and continues rubbing my back. “Ok, Lachlan. I just want to help you get washed up and get you a fresh shirt. How does that sound?” I nod because my throat feels like it’s closing up. I gasp.
“It’s ok, deep breath. You’re having a panic attack, it’s ok. You’re alright. Deep, long breaths, focus on my voice.” I listen to her speak, and my body heaves for air.
“You stay right here. I’ll get you a fresh shirt.” I nod again and watch her walk away. My eyes fall to a scuff on the trim on the wall across from me. The shoes of people walking past flash in and out of my vision as I stare at the black mark.
“Ok, honey. I got you a fresh shirt. Let’s get you cleaned up.” I look up at her from the floor and burst into tears again. She makes a face I don’t understand and holds her hand out. “One thing at a time. We don’t have the information yet, so the first thing is getting you a new shirt. Ok?” she asks calmly.
I nod and force myself to my feet. I would rather just stay here. “Ok, good job,” she says, leading me by my hand and elbow to a bathroom. “You go ahead in here. Will you be alright by yourself? I can leave the door open if you want me to stay with you.” I shake my head no and take the grey t-shirt from her hands. “Alright, honey. I’ll wait right here for you.” I nod and push the door open. The automatic light flicks on, and I set the shirt on the sink counter.
