Page 148 of Rivals
“Are you ok?” Revna asks. Her eyes are wide and worried.
I hug her close to me. “I’m ok because you are, love.” She lays her head on my sternum and takes a deep breath.
“I love you, Lachlan. I’m sorry,” she says.
I hold her tighter and lift one of her wrists to my mouth, kissing the wound. “Don’t you dare ever apologize to me again. Wewillget through this. I promise.”
Chapter 86
Revna
Less Than Three weeks Until the Final Round
Theydischargedmeaftermy seventy-two hours were up. They made me sign some papers that promised if I tried again, my family wouldn’t hold the hospital accountable for letting me go. I signed them because I don’t have any family and won’t do it again.
It’s not because I’ve been cured of depression or I’m all of a sudden happy to be alive. Well, I am. But while I wasn’t entirely living and wasn’t quite dead, it felt like a small bird landed gently on my soul. I was crying and still in pain, but the moment the bird’s feathers brushed over me, the tears dried. I felt at peace. I thought I finally found my end. I saw light behind the bird kissing my soul. I know that could have just been me, finally deciding to let go. Then I woke up in the hospital. Though, I’m not sure that it was me. It felt like more, like there was a purpose for its presence. It was telling me to hold on, that my work wasn’t done yet. I heard the voice, too. It was saying something to me, even though it was hard to make it out.
But somehow, I was able to hold on. It was so real, so vivid, sopeaceful. I knew the strength didn’t come from me, and it was given to me. Maybe it was the bird I saw, or maybe it was Lachlan’s voice echoing in my ears, and I couldn’t respond. Whatever it was, I’m thankful for it. I do want to live, even if it hurts. I do want to live so I can love Lachlan with everything left of me.
I want a life with him and I don’t care what it looks like. While I was in that place, I let my mom go. I let go of the hurt, the betrayal, and the loss. I don’t have to carry it anymore.
So while I’m not all the sudden jumping for joy, there is hope that has nestled itself in my heart. Healing will never be easy and it doesn’t get easier. The more you do, the more work it is. It takes a lot of grit, determination, and desire to want more for yourself and those you love. None of this is Lachlan’s fault, even if he believes it is. I made the choice, but now I have a second chance. I will not waste it.
Lachlan opens the door to his place and I hesitate to take a step in it. “I will sell it right now, and we can move. Or, we can go back to your place. Just say the word, Revna, and I will make it happen,” he says behind me.
I shake my head no. He goes right for our dresser and pulls out a pair of leggings and one of his hoodies. “I’m sure you want to get out of those scrubs.” I nod, and he walks over to me. He goes to lift the hem of my itchy shirt.
“Lach, I can do it,” I laugh.
His hands drop with the clothes still in them, and he steps back. “Oh, sorry, I—” I grab his hand and put it back on the hem of the scratchy papery scrubs. I let him take it off and dress me. Once he pulls the hoodie over my head, he grabs a pair of his thick boot socks and bends down to put them on my feet.
“I’ll order us something to eat. What sounds good?” he asks. I stare at the bathroom. I know it’s still there. I know the remnants of what happened are still there. Lachlan steps in front of me, blocking my vision from the bathroom. “I haven’t cleaned it up yet. Please don’t go in there yet. Please?” I look up at his eyes, and they are pleading for me to listen to him. I nod and his shoulders drop in relief.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. It’s my mess and I should clean it up.
“No, stop, baby. Please don’t apologize. Just let me take care of you, ok?” I nod again as he looks down searching my eyes. “I love you, and I am so grateful I can still hold you and hear your beautiful heartbeat. I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I will do better for you, love. That is a promise.”
My eyes well with tears and I nod up and down. “I’m will do better for you.” He smiles a little and kisses my forehead before gathering me to him. We stand like that for a while. Part of me thinks he just needs to hold me so he knows I’m really here. I don’t mind because it feels good. It tells me there is hope for us.
He lets go and then puts me on the couch, swaddling me in blankets, even though I’m not that cold. I let him, though. Once he’s satisfied with my burrito blanket status, he turns on the TV and hands me the remote, even though I have no interest in watching. I focus on Lachlan as he cleans the apartment, orders food, and then disappears into the bathroom.
Part of me wants to go in there so I don’t forget what I almost lost, but it would hurt Lachlan more than me. I’ve hurt him so much already. I stay where I am and let the past wash down the drain where it belongs.
Chapter 87
Lachlan
AfterIfinishedcleaningup everything and ordering our food, I cautiously walked into the bathroom. What I didn’t see when I came in here was the dust of cocaine or the bloody artwork Revna left. I can only assume it was meant for me. I cautiously approach the shower. I can’t lie. I’m a little afraid of it.
I tilt my head to see it better. It’s a small bird with the edges that drip with her blood. It’s dry now. I know she was telling me she loved me as she was saying goodbye. I stare at it and then spray it with bleach. The blood dissipates, and I clean the rest of the shower and bathroom until it’s sparkling and there isn’t a trace of what happened here. The bleach sears my nostrils, so I open the little bathroom window for airflow.
A knock on the door echoes in the loft, and Revna calls for me. “I would get up, but I literally cannot get out of these blankets,” she grunts.
I throw away the rags and put the bleach on the counter before opening the door. I pay the delivery guy and put the food on the coffee table. I get us drinks and come back to the couch. “Can you maybe unwrap me a bit? I can’t move,” she says, trying to wiggle out.
I smile at her struggling with the blankets and lean forward to kiss her. I haven’t put my lips on hers since the night before everything happened. She leans into my lips, and I savor how they feel on mine. There was a moment where I thought I might never feel her again. I reach around her and undo the four blankets I wrapped her up in, careful of her arms.
She crosses her legs as I pull our favorite foods out of the bag. I open the box with egg rolls and take a big bite. Then I hold it out to her, and she takes a bite and moans. “Dang, that’s good. Or maybe I’m just hungry. I mean, the hospital food was gross,” she says. She grabs some chopsticks and digs into her Kung Pao chicken.
