Page 58 of Rivals
I touch her cheek with the pads of my fingers, and she bursts into tears. They silently fall at an angle down her face, gathering on her hands where they rest against the pillow. Her tears tear at my chest. They cool the fire in my blood. My concern is only for her. I scoot myself closer to her and pull her into my chest, resting my chin on her head. I don’t know what to say or what to do, so I hold her. “Did I hurt you, baby?” I ask her, afraid of the answer. I know I’m rough, but never with the intent to hurt, never her. She shakes her head against me, and I relax a little.
She continues to cry into my skin while her shoulders shake in anguish, and it hurts as if it is my own. We lay there in the dark, but I feel like I’ve never seen her better. I know she’s not crying because of what we shared. I think she’s crying because the wall she was trying to keep up between us just fell, and sometimes that hurts. I kiss her head and hold her tightly. I hold her pieces together because I feel like it’s what I need to do. I was meant to be here with her in this way. If I didn’t know any better, she’s never had someone to hold her together.
Except for herself.
Chapter 37
Revna
Morningcomes,andIwake up in Lachlan’s arms, and the urge to run zips through me as last night replays in my head like a tape on playback. I start to gently wiggle out of his warmth so I can leave, but his arms tighten around me instead. I don’t know if he’s awake, and I’m afraid to check. Most men would have taken it personally that I burst into tears after we had sex. I didn’t cry because of that. I cried because, for once, someone was there to hold me while I fell apart.
He didn’t scoff and pull away, but stayed and pulled me closer. My whole being shifted when he told me to give him control. It wasn’t to controlme, it was an offering to carry my burdens on top of his own. Not because he has to but because hewantsto.
I told myself I would keep my walls up with him when we started working together. I was doing a really good job of it until the last project. I changed, we changed. We are not the same people we were before that project. And now, together, we are about to go to the place I’ve dreamed of since I was a girl. I will get to see it with my own eyes, I hope.
My stomach knots itself over and over. I’m not sure we can afford it. Lachlan wants me to move in with him to save money, but am I ready to give him that kind of power? I will have nowhere to go if I do that. I will be stuck with him until I find another place. Financially speaking, he’s right. It’s smart, and it would make sense. But I’m not sure if it’s the right thing for me.
I think it’s because the moment I connect my life to him in this way, I will be done for. If one day he decides he doesn’t want me anymore, I know I will descend into a darkness so deep there is no coming back from it. It’s why I’ve kept myself from giving in to him completely. I am self-aware enough to know that if I let someone in, I give them the chance to leave. I learned that lesson very quickly when I was a girl being switched from home to home. I had one family that I thought loved me enough to care, but I was ripped from them, too. I never heard from them again. That’s how people are. They use you, and then they leave. I figured Lachlan was like that, and I had no reason to believe otherwise.
He shifts and tosses his bare leg over my hips. I tilt my head up to see if he’s just really into cuddling or if he’s awake. His hips brush my stomach, and goosebumps rise over my skin. His arms squeeze around me a little tighter. “How are you feeling?” he asks, his deep voice still sleepy. My head nuzzles into his chest before my brain processes his question. My body undoubtedly likes him, no question about it. But my mind? Well, it’s not so easily swayed. He sighs, and I feel his lips press the top of my head.
My eyes burn and the tears threaten to start again. I am not in the mood to cry right now. “Muse,” he says.
“I’m fine,” I push out.
“Are you going to tell me what that was about?” he asks. I shouldn’t be surprised that he wants me to talk about it even though he knows you have to yank everything from my lips. I’m not as forthcoming with my feelings. I never have been, and it is obvious that Lachlan isn’t unless it’s with me. He’s different with me. I don’t know how I know that. I just have this feeling in my gut that it’s true.
“No,” I mumble against his chest. He shifts and turns me so I’m on my back, and he’s straddling my legs. His hair is messy from sleep, and I lift my hands to draw my fingers through the waves. His eyes close for a moment while I touch him like this, and then my eyes trail over his tattoos. It’s funny how one of my favorite pieces is tattooed on his chest.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” he asks. I look away, and he grabs my chin so his eyes look between my dark ones.
“You want more from me than I can give.” He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. He draws his fingers over the center of my face, down my nose, over my lips, and then cups my cheek with his palm.
“No, baby, I want only what you choose to give me... even though I will take it all.” The barely beating drum in my chest stutters, and my lips part in shock.
“Why?” I ask him.
He tilts his head and gently presses his lips to mine. “I don’t know, Revna, I just do. And I think as we continue down this road together, we will find out.”
“That’s…cryptic.” He shrugs and sits back. I glance between his legs, and he doesn’t seem bothered. I reach for him, and he chuckles.
“Eyes up here, muse. If I’ve learned anything, you are very good at changing the subject, but that won’t be today.” I frown and my chest tingles a little.
“Are you hungry?” he asks. I dip my head. “Ok, let’s go get breakfast.”
“Ok,” I rasp. I’m not sure how much cash I have in my pocket, but it would be nice to do something with Lachlan. We’ve only been at school, presenting, or at work. Well, he watched me work, but semantics.
“Come on, little bird, move it,” he says, sauntering into the bathroom. I get up to get ready and slip on a pair of overalls I shoved in my bag. I can’t find a clean shirt, so I go through Lachlan’s drawers and find an old band tee.
I go into the bathroom to find Lachlan standing at the sink with a toothbrush in his mouth and boxers on. He grins with toothpaste dripping down his chin, and I smirk at him. He grabs my brush to hand it to me, and then the toothpaste. We brush our teeth while watching each other in the mirror. I glance at my messy hair and spot Lachlan still staring at me. I smile, making toothpaste stream down my chin. Lachlan chuckles and spits, then lifts his hand to wipe it away. I spit and then lift my head from the sink. “You are beautiful like this,” he says so quietly I have to lean in to hear him.
“What do you mean?” I ask. I’m always like this. His eyes trail down my body and back up, staying on my lips for a moment. He opens his mouth to say something, but my big mouth speaks first. “Why do you call me beautiful so much?” His eyes bug, and he furrows his eyebrows.
Lachlan takes a step closer and rests his hand on my hip. “Your beauty is not the only reason you are my muse. I see this.” He pokes my heart.
“What the hell kind of cheesy shit is that?” I ask, even though my heart is in my throat, and I want to believe every word he’s saying.
He wipes the last little bit of toothpaste from my lips and kisses me lightly. “Let’s go get breakfast, baby.”
