Page 62 of Rivals
“Thanks,” I grumble.
She sighs and looks at her phone. A few minutes later, I finish it, wipe it down, and put aftercare on it. “This is beautiful, thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome,” I say. She holds her hand out, and I shake it. “You can go up to the front to pay. Thanks for coming in.” She smiles and skips out of my room.
I get to work cleaning the space to prepare it for my next client, and I keep glancing at my phone. I’m not on it a lot because it messes with my head. But I constantly want to call Revna or text her to see what she’s up to and make sure she’s ok. I hope she’s ok.
I finished wiping down the seat and then grabbed my phone. I look at our short conversation that didn’t say much of anything. Screw it.
Lachlan: little bird…
I wait for her reply, but she doesn’t respond. I get this twinge in my gut like something is wrong. There’s no reason for me to think this, and I don’t think I saw her touch her phone but to call Betty the other day. She’s also not a texter. Be that as it may, I wish she was now.
My next client walks in, and I put my phone away, hoping she texts back. I introduced myself and presented the other two designs I had ready. The guy takes one look at the raven and tells me yes. “Where did you come up with that, man? It’s perfect. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I had a few ideas, but it’s like you were in my head,” the guy says. He told me his name, but I had already forgotten it. I shrug and fake a smile.
“Looks like it was meant to be.” He nods excitedly and pulls his shirt off. He wants it on his shoulder so the wings are spread mid-flight over the front and back of his shoulder. This one will take a while because he wants full color. I think of her hair and how it has a hint of blue in it when it hits the light. I stop and glance at my phone.
“Do you need a break?” The guy shrugs and says he’s going to take a leak. I nod and check my phone, but still nothing. I don’t overthink it and dial her. I wait and wait, but the automatic voicemail kicks on. I almost leave a voicemail but think twice about it. She probably won’t pick it up. It wouldn’t surprise me if I did leave one. She would just delete it without listening to it. My client walks back in, and I get back to work. We take a few more breaks, and I really like how the piece is coming out. The bits of blue I worked in through the feathers bring it to life.
Before long, the tattoo was finished, and my last client came in. When he walked in, he had something particular in mind and just wanted my stylistic take on it. The piece doesn’t take me long. It’s a skull crying tears of blood. The skull is black lines with some shading, but the tears are ruby red as they fall down the inside of his bicep. I could tell this tattoo wasn’t just for kicks. There was a purpose to it, to remember or forget. Something was eating at this guy, and I could feel it. I almost said, ‘Me too, man’.
Her dark eyes keep popping into my head every time I blink. We didn’t talk. He let me work, and that was the end of it. He thanked me after I dressed it and walked out the door. My chest feels like it’s splitting. It’s evident that the dude is tortured, and it feels like it compounded my own agony.
I need her.
Chapter 40
Revna
Thewindblowsmyhair around my face, and the heartbreak has finally receded into the background. I’m not sure how I made it to the Brooklyn Bridge, but I like it here. I look down at the water below. Dark, cold, comforting. Silent.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it. I don’t want to answer it anymore. The only reason I haven’t chucked it into the river is because I need it to get pills. Blood thumps languidly in my ears as the wind rushes around me. It pulls all the words out of my mind, and for a moment, I’m completely numb. I’m calm. I can breathe.
I look up from the water as the sun sets. My calm burns away, and the fear sets in. I need to go home. I don’t want to be out here when it’s dark. My limbs start shaking, and I force air into my lungs. I have miles, probably more than twenty blocks to walk, and my legs itch to run purely out of the adrenaline mixing with the drugs and fear in my system.
I take off, running as fast as I can. I’m not a runner. I don’t exercise, so my limbs scream as I force them to move as fast as possible. They go numb as I get closer and closer to my apartment. Sweat drips down my face, and I gasp for breath, but I can’t stop as the sunset chases me with the impending darkness. I won’t be safe until I’m locked behind my door. I won’t be safe.
I’ve got you, Revna.
The voice decides to make a reappearance, and I almost trip over myself as I run. I spot a beautiful building with Gothic architecture. Large, dark stained glass and giant arched walnut doors with flying buttresses. I don’t think twice and run up the steps. I yank the handle open, and I stand there, wheezing. Hands-on my knees, I take deep gulping breaths as my heart threatens to pump out of my chest.
Once I catch my breath, I look around. There are candles to the left, lit and unlit, and a few lights are on. The sunset is casting a glow through the stained glass, and I trace the lines of them as I force deep inhales into my lungs. I know I’m close to home. I’m surprised that I’ve never seen this place before. I probably wasn’t paying attention. As I step through the main entry, my footsteps echo. Designs carved into the limestone create the pointed arches on either side of the large space, and pews are lined up and centered perfectly with the altarpiece at the end of the aisle.
There is a woman closer to the front. Her gray-haired head is bowed, and I try to be quiet and sit down. I feel safe here. I think I’m at the height of my high because I ran and feel blessedly chill. The stained glasses is dancing in front of my eyes, and I’m enjoying the hallucinatory show.
My phone vibrates again, and I don’t know why I didn’t flip it on silent. I should, even though a little part of me wants to see if Lachlan texted me. He’s the only thing I find myself thinking about, nothing else. Nothing…else.
You can leave your pain here.
The voice says gently in my mind like I’m getting a mental hug. I tilt my head back and look at the ceiling. I’m still a little baffled. I’ve never been here before. I’ve never been to Notre Dame, but I can tell it’s no Notre Dame. Regardless, it’s beautiful. That’s one thing about the Gothic architecture style. It gives you no room to fill in things for space. A lot of buildings these days are boring— modern. They give the mind too much to run with. This doesn’t because it gives you something to constantly look at. It gives you no room to think about what is outside its walls. It makes you feel small but in a good way.
There is a pang in my chest as I look up and around me. I know it’s not the architecture bringing me to tears, but other things I don’t want to think about. Even though they are digging their talons in, trying to claw their way out of my drug-induced numbness, I know I won’t last long. I know the sweet blissfulness of my high is almost over, and the realities will return. I’ll either deal or try to run away from them again.
Lachlan can help you, Revna. He needs you, too.
Why, though? What have I done to help him with anything? I feel like I am nothing but a burden to anyone. I am a burden to him because I inserted myself into his life by doing what I did. Yet, of all the things I regret in my life, that is not one of them, and I don’t know what that says about me.
I slip my phone out of my pocket and see his text and phone call. I start to text him back, but what will it do except encourage him? I have no right to do that. I feel what is between us, and it’s hard to ignore as much as I try and fail. But if he chains himself any further to me, I’ll drag him down with me. I’ll drown him like I’m already drowning myself, and that’s not right. No one deserves that.
