Page 63 of Rivals
My high has steadily worn off because I ran. As I hurry home in the dark, I nervously look over my shoulder, but I’m not filled with terror like before. I feel cloaked in the safety of darkness, but it’s a warm kind. It doesn’t feel like evil is looming at my back.
Until the day I was attacked, being in the dark, in the streets like this, never bothered me. Keep your head down and your feet moving, keep your wits, and don’t talk to anyone, and you’re fine. But everything looks better at night. Maybe it’s because it’s under the cover of shadow. Or maybe it’s because the dark covers the small details and smooths everything out. It makes it more manageable and easier to consume. Then, when the sun rises, when morning breaks, you see every nook and cranny you wanted hidden. There is nowhere to hide. There is no shadow to slide under. Lachlan is the morning when the sun has just lifted its head, and the shadows of my darkness are exposed to him. And not once has he run away or shied away from me. Much to my utter terror, he’s drawn closer to me. He skates his fingers across the wall I hide behind, trying to find a way in, trying to find a crack he can squeeze through, trying to find a way to break it all the way down. I can’t let him.
The woman who birthed me and left me at a fire station has died. I would say that I’m mourning, but that word doesn’t feel right. I didn’t know her, and I had no connection to her. I have no idea what she looked like. I can only assume I mildly look like her. Even so, I don’t know that for a fact. I don’t know anything about my heritage. All I know is what I’ve survived, and she was never a part of that.
It took me being attacked by the other girls, taken advantage of by the teenage boys, or the men pretending to be fathers for me to figure out that no one will save you. No one will protect you but yourself. So, I have to protect myself from him, right? He is just another human that is out for himself. This world is full of selfish people. That was made abundantly clear to me over and over again, to the point it’s written on my bleeding, broken heart.
I walk into my building, and a whisper of the voice echoes in my mind.
Lachlan is not your enemy.
Not too long ago, I would have laughed at that, but everything is not what I thought it was. And I don’t know what to believe anymore.
***
I chose violence today. I could feel it simmering under my skin the moment I woke up. I would get it out, but I had no choice but to go to work. I stomp through the front door, and Betty ticks her eyebrow up at me. I throw her a look and go into the back to hang up my bag.
It’s taking every fiber of my being to act calm right now. Betty could smell my attitude the moment I walked through the door, but she can bite me. I dig out my little baggie and toss the pill down my throat. I can get through this shift high.
“Revna, Revna, Revna.”
“What, Betty?” I snap and instantly feel bad about it.
“Don’t snap at me, little girl. I don’t know what crawled up your butt and died, but if you keep acting like that, I’ll send you home and you won’t make any tips.” She looks at me, hand on her hip, begging me to snap back. I mash my lips together and force a smile.
“That’s better. Now, go handle table three.” I grab my notepad and take a deep breath, forcing myself to smile. Though, I’m pretty sure I probably look like the Joker at this point. Maybe a little strung out. Wait, did Joker do drugs? Shaking my head, I go up to table three, take their order, and pour them some coffee. When I get back behind the counter, I pour myself a cup and take a big, burning gulp. It’s always quiet at this time. It’s only six in the morning on a Sunday. Give it another hour, and we will be packed.
“What’s going on with you now? How did your art thing go?” I look at her and then stare into my cup of coffee, seeing the small rainbow swirling around in it.
“We’re going to Italy. Well, no. We’re hoping we can, so I need to work extra shifts to make it happen.” I look at Betty, and the look on her face is not what I expected. I thought I would get a smile, only she’s frowning.
“What’s going on with you? This is not how someone who won another competition, out of thirty other artists, out of all the art schools in the city, and is going to Italy, would act.”
I frown at her and check on my table, an older couple is talking and sipping their coffee. I didn’t tell Betty any of that information. The only way she would have known that is because she read about it. Why would she go out of her way to read about me? What purpose would she have to waste her time on something like that? I feel the tell-tale calm start to come over me like it’s misting outside. It’s slow and gentle as it blankets you. “Nothing, I’m fine. I just need to pick up more shifts.”
“For Italy?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I grumble.
“Sure, honey. I can move things around. I wouldn’t mind an extra day off for a while. Sounds good to me.”
“Thanks, Betty,” I say. She nods and looks at me a little longer.
“Is this about that boy? Did he hurt you? I have to admit, I thought you would be the one doing the heartbreaking, not him. I saw the way he looked at you, Revna. That’s not justfriendship,“ she says.
I look at her over my cup of coffee, trying to figure out what to address first or if I should even bother with an answer. Betty is a dog with a bone, and now that she has one, there is no telling how long she will go trying to get answers out of me. I might as well just give them now.
I’m chilled out enough I could answer at least one. “No, it’s not about Lachlan,” I say.
She nods with her hands on her hips. “Good, good. I like him. I don’t know why you don’t seem to.”
I take another drink and refill my coffee cup. It’s not that I don’t like Lachlan. He just scares me in ways I wasn’t prepared to face now or…ever.
“Is it about school? I thought you graduate here in a week or two.”
“I do. I have one more final, and then I’ll be done.”
“You’ve worked hard, Revna. You should be proud of yourself.”
