Page 64 of Rivals
I shrug at the compliment. The problem is, I don’t know what to do now. This has been my only goal for so long. I don’t have anything else now. It’s not like I can just turn around and start making art, expecting it to sell. I will admit that Lachlan is right. We have to do Italy.
The last round gave us attention. Now, people are watching the last ten contenders in the art world. If we do well in Italy, then it will put our names on notice. Then maybe, just maybe, I could sell my art. An artist’s dream.My dream.
“Revna? Your plates are up for your table,” Betty says, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I grab them and take them to my table. They thank me, and I leave them to eat.
“So, are you going to tell me what else is going on?” Betty asks.
The surge of heartbreak, confusion, anger— lots of anger— rear their ugly heads, but the drugs fight them down. I’m suddenly uncomfortable, and I want to cry. This is not the trip I was looking for. I take a deep breath, hoping it all dissipates. But Betty is still looking at me.
I’m not going to tell her I found out my mom died. I don’t tell anyone about my past because that’s just what it is, the past. Even though it doesn’t just follow me around, it’s a succubus and slowly killing me, no matter how hard I try to leave it behind. One day, it will kill me, I’m sure of it.
“Lachlan asked me something, and I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Well, was it illegal?” she asks me. I shake my head no and take another drink.
“Will it hurt anyone else?” I think about her question, and the obvious answer is no. But it could hurt me, and it could hurt him too. I shake my head anyway.
“Will it hurt you?” Like an arrow to the heart, Betty knows how to strike. I shrug and avoid eye contact. “I mean, will it mentally or physically hurt you,” she says.
I lift my shoulders again. Physically, no. Mentally? Yeah, the probability is high, and I need to be very honest with myself about it.
“Well, are you going to tell me what he’s asking of you?” I sigh. She won’t let it go, and my table is still so slowly working on their food. This is going to be a long shift.
“He wants me to move in with him and sublet my place to save enough cash for Italy.” Her lips purse and she nods her head. Someone at the counter asks for more coffee, so she steps away to pour it.
“I mean, that makes logical sense and would probably do the trick,” she offers.
“Yeah, it probably would.”
“Oh, I get it. You don’t want to live with him. That would make it all too real. Well, honey, I hate to break it to you, but it’s already real for him. For some reason, you just like to ignore the realities of what is around you and keep your head in the sand. You have for some time, but things have changed for you, Revna. It’s time you look at what part you play in it.”
I throw my head back and let out a light groan, annoyed with this conversation and how it’s completely killing my high. “Don’t groan at me, little girl. You’re smart enough to know I’m right.”
“Even if you are, Betty, that won’t change the situation.”
“No, honey, only you can do that.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I snap.
“Revna, you are young. You have so much life to live, and you act as if it is already over. I know you’ve been through awful things in your life. You don’t have to tell me for me to see it. But if that’s the thing that’s making you act like all this…” she trails off and motions up and down with her hand. “Then you need to consider trying something new for once. You are talented, my girl. You have a story to tell, and the way you tell it is beautiful. And I have a sneaking suspicion he is a part of that, too.”
I run my tongue across my teeth, not sure what to say to her. Luckily, I’m saved by a girl who walks in and sits down at a booth. I grab my notepad and hurry over to take her order.
My shift went by slowly, and luckily, I didn’t hear the voice while I was at work. Betty kept giving me weird looks, and I did my best to ignore all of them. I know she means well, but I feel like I’m about to be swallowed whole by the feelings that won’t go away with drugs. How am I supposed to do anything if I just want to constantly crawl in a hole and die? This is too much for one person to carry. It doesn’t matter, though; strength has no bearing here. There is a little part of me that wants to go to Lachlan, knowing he could hold all my pieces together. He’s done it before. He doesn’t know about my past, and I planned on keeping it that way. If I were to consider giving him even a few shards of it, it would cut him. The last thing I want to do is make him bleed because of me.
I wave goodbye to Betty and head to the store to buy food for a few days. I have my last final tomorrow, and that will be it. I’ll be done. I decided not to walk across the stage. What’s the point? I know I did it, and that’s all that matters.
Chapter 41
Revna
Onmywalktoschool, my stomach continued to twist tighter and tighter like a wet rag you’re trying to wring out. I’m going in early to finish my edits. I decided to turn in the whole series of Lachlan, except the few he took of me, of course.
I get to my classroom and take a deep breath, waiting for the computer to come on. Coming in early and staying up late is nothing new to me. I’ve been doing it since I started school. It was the only way to finish my projects that needed computers.
This is the last day I’ll be doing this, the last day I will do anything here at this school. It’s the end, but something else has already begun. It feels like this is the final push to throw me over the edge of the unknown. I don’t know how or where I’ll land, and I’m terrified.
