Page 67 of Rivals
My lower lip trembles, and he kisses it lightly. “Talk to me, little bird. I think I’ve shown you that you can lean on me.” And that word makes the dam burst. He shifts off of me and lays down, pulling me into his chest. He holds me while I cry again. I hate that I get so emotional around him. My walls feel like paper. They feel like my tears are breaking them down, making them so thin you could poke a finger through.
Talk to him.
I don’t argue within my mind and I listen to the voice. “I was a foster kid. I was passed from home to home. I fought everyone I had to. I…” His hand rubs my back, and I take a shaky breath. “I’ve been surviving my whole life, Lachlan. I don’t knowhowto trust people because I’ve never been given a reason to trust anyone. Why would I start now?”
“You can trust me,” Lachlan says.
I lift my head to look at him in the eye. “Can I, Lachlan? You’ve manipulated me into this…” I say and gesture between us. He doesn’t say anything. I know I struck a nerve, partly because I’m right. He lifts his head to kiss me, and I let him.
He lays his head back on the pillow, sighing heavily. I wonder how far to go with any of this. Maybe I should just take this temporary situation for what it is and accept it, maybe even enjoy it for a little while. One good thing, right? I lay back down and snuggle up next to him, my body deciding for me.
“Were you in foster care your whole life?” I hum against his chest. “I can’t imagine.”
“It’s not something you should. She left me at a fire station as a baby. I’ve been alone my whole life. It just is what it is. I guess you could say that I’m used to it.”
Chapter 42
Lachlan
“Iknowwhatthat’slike.” She scoffs, and I try not to let it bother me. She doesn’t know my story because, like her, I don’t tell people about myself. I don’t see the point, and it won’t change anything, though tonight it might. It might break the barrier I have been borderline desperate to get through. She still doesn’t understand the effect we have on each other. I know she feels it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have her in my arms right now. Other than that, I know she’s refusing to open her eyes to what I know is there.
“You’re not alone now,” I say quietly. She shrugs in my arms. “You’ve been living with this your whole life, Revna. Why is this just getting to you now? I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but this doesn’t make sense. What else is going on?” I rub her back soothingly and hope she will finally give me something. I know she doesn’t want to answer my question. I can also sense that she’s hiding something else. I want to know what it is. Maybe it’s something that I can fix. What Betty told me made me nervous. She was worried about Revna and couldn’t pull anything out of her either.
“I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was raised by a nanny, not my parents. My childhood was lonely, and my sisters’ were, too. It doesn’t matter how much money you have. There are expectations that come with it.”
“I didn’t know you had sisters,” she says. I take a deep breath, and my chest hurts. I miss my family. I may not like my father, but I miss my sisters and mom. I snuggle into Revna, and the pang of loneliness doesn’t sting as much as it has before with her in my arms. My family is a sore spot that has continued to rub me raw for years now, and I’m not sure that relationship will ever change, even if I want it to.
“Yeah, two. They are in their early twenties by now, but I don’t see them. I haven’t seen anyone for a while. It’s been years. Wow,” I say, taken aback by the time that felt like it dragged by and simultaneously flew away.
“Time flies when you’re having fun,” she says. I smile and stare at the ceiling.
“Yep, it’s been a lot of fun being abandoned because my father didn’t agree with me.”
“That’s…sad.”
“Yeah, it is. But like you said, it is what it is.”
“Why art?” Revna asks.
I hum and think of a way to answer that question. It’s such a big question, one that I don’t think I have an answer that can be explained with just words. “It was the only thing I’m good at.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Ok, fine, it was one of the only things I wanted to do. I was always good at math, but I didn’t care about it. My dad wanted me to go to college for business. That’s what he thought I was doing. It’s why he bought me the apartment, paid for my first year, all of that. But something about art called to my soul, as cheesy as it sounds. Nothing else made sense to me. It calmed the storm I had spent the majority of my life fighting. No one was there to help me either if that makes you feel better.”
“Sorry, it doesn’t.” We both go quiet, and I don’t know what to say to make her feel better about any of this. I don’t know how to comfort her. Comforting someone is not something that I know how to do. I’m probably messing it up, but I’m willing to try with her. There is a small part of me that wants her to want to come to me, not out of duress but because she wants to lean on me.
“Why do you keep taking drugs, Revna? What are you trying to ignore?”
“Nothing, Lachlan,” she says, almost exasperated.
“I don’t believe that,” I say and pull away to look her in the eye again.
“Well, you can believe anything you want,” she mumbles into my shirt. My chest continues to split open for her, for me.
For every distraction and mouthy retort, there is a woman that is grasping at her neck, trying to breathe and no one is helping her find air. But she is drowning herself with the drugs that are sinking her every time she tosses them back. I thought this was just a way for her to spark inspiration. I took her word for that. But clearly, it’s a crutch she’s using to avoid something, and I don’t think it’s her upbringing.
Revna wiggles around in my arms and lifts her chin to kiss me. Her eyes are less glassy, and I want more with her right now, but I’m not about to go there. Her tongue prods against my lips and I open for her. She takes the reigns, pushes me back onto her small bed, and straddles my hips. She leans forward, kissing me the way we fight. It’s with a passionate desperation for chasing, a feeling we both can’t get enough of.
