Page 135 of Rivals
“Because, Revna. If you’re crazy, then I’m insane. I don’t…” I pause and gather my thoughts that fly around my head like buzzing bees. “We will figure this out, Revna. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. I didn’t want to think about it, so I never said anything to you. Because it does feel insane.”
She catches her breath and inhales a couple of times. I run my hand over her ebony hair, trying to soothe her. “I feel like I’m losing my mind,” she says into my shirt.
I tug her to sit on the couch, pulling her into my lap. She curls up into me and grips my t-shirt in her fist. “Then I guess we’ll go crazy together because I feel that way, too.” She tilts her head up. Her cheeks are red, and her eyes are swollen.
“Really?”
I nod and kiss her forehead. “Together or not at all, Revna. Even if that means we lose touch with reality.” I twirl her hair around my finger and tug it gently. She looks at me again, and I palm her cheek with my other hand. Her head tilts up, and my lips find hers. I am addicted to her. I always will be, no matter what happens or what state of mind she’s in. “Maybe we should get out and get some fresh air. Clear our heads.”
“I would rather stay like this,” she says into my neck.
“I can think of other things we can do that are in better positions than this,” I mumble into her hair. She huffs a laugh, and it makes me smile a little.
“Come on, let’s walk and go to that café I know you like.”
“Ok,” she says, unfolding her small body from my lap.
I slide some jeans on and then wait for Revna. She puts on a pair of straight-leg jeans and my hoodie. It’s so big it almost drowns her. She ties her sneakers and stands. “Ready.”
We started our walk to the coffee shop we hadn’t been to in a long time. Her hand disappears under her sleeve, and I reach for it. Her thin fingers link through mine, and I slow my steps so she can keep up. It’s cooling off in Brooklyn, and I can feel the winter chill in the air. Which only means we are running out of time.
I grab Revna and me a coffee and two bagels, sitting at one of the little café tables. She tears into hers while I drink my coffee. “Hungry?” I grin at her. She rolls her eyes and flips me off.
I chuckle and take another sip. She looks up at me from her bagel and chews slower, like she’s contemplating something. Her eyes trace my face and then down to my t-shirt and flannel. “What?” I look down, thinking I spilled something on myself. There’s nothing there. I look up, and her eyes meet mine in a silent duel of secrets. She knows I’m not saying everything, but I know she’s not telling me everything, either.
I don’t want to tell her because it could have poor consequences. I don’t know why she won’t tell me, but I can only assume. I don’t want to do that because it is rarely the truth. Though, in this case, it very well may be.
“After this, will you go somewhere with me?”
I shrug. “Yeah, sure,” I say and bite into my bagel.
We eat in silence, watching people come in and out of the café. The espresso machines whirl, and the grinder burrs. Names are called, and I let my mind drift into the cacophony of the café soundtrack. My gut untwists a little, and my heart stops feeling so heavy. I look at Revna again as she stares off into space. I’m not sure what happened that night. I intentionally tried to forget. Revna is unsure of herself and what she saw. Be that as it may, we’re both at a tipping point.
Something has to give.
When we leave the café, Revna leads the way towards her building, a few blocks away. We don’t go to her apartment; instead, we end up at the church I’ve been to. The last time I was here, it was because it reminded me of Revna. She climbs the steps and hauls the door open, glancing at me over her shoulder before she disappears into the building.
I slowly take the steps, wondering what she’s up to, and follow her inside. It’s quiet, and there are a few people lighting candles. Revna turns to the left, as if she knows where she’s going. She looks over her shoulder again, checking for me as I follow behind. I bite my tongue to keep from asking questions. The worry in her eyes tells me she’s already nervous about this as it is.
She stops at a room labeled ‘office’ and peeks her head in. I wait to the side, and she comes back out and goes back the way we came. Cautiously, she walks into the main area where they do services and looks around. Her head stops on a man towards the front, sitting in a pew alone.
Confused as to what’s going on, I follow her towards the man. He looks up and smiles at Revna, holding out his hand. She takes it, and I slide in next to her. “Hi,” she says quietly. He looks behind me, and I do the same. The people that were in here before are gone now.
“Hi, Revna, it’s nice to see you,” he says. My eyes bug, and I immediately school my features. He’s not like the priests I’ve seen in their long, off-white robes and embroidered designs. He’s dressed casually in jeans, leather boots, a t-shirt, and a jacket.
He looks over her shoulder and back at her. “And who is this?” he asks.
“Oh, sorry. This is my boyfriend, Lachlan,” she says. I hold my hand out to shake his. His grip is firm but warm. “I’m Chris. Nice to meet you, Lachlan.” I nod and let go. I still don’t know what we’re doing here. I open my mouth to ask, but Revna speaks up.
“I have a question. It’s weird and…I don’t want to go to a doctor or something to ask because…” she pauses, glancing at me again. I take her hand and pull it onto my lap. Chris looks between us and waits patiently for Revna to say what she needs to say. “I don’t want them to think I’m crazy and then put me away. I just didn’t know who to ask, and I think you’ll be straight with me. You might even have some kind of answer because—“ she gestures to the room around us— “you’re here.” He nods encouragingly.
I lean into her ear. “Revna, what are you doing?” She shrugs me off.
“So, Lachlan and I made a painting. This was a while ago, but we were high and—“
“Revna,” I grit. She shrugs me off again and pushes forward.
“It’s for a competition we’re in, which is a separate story, but um…so I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was on fire. I screamed, and Lachlan woke up and saw the same thing, I think. Then he sprayed it with water. The next morning, I left, and then…” She glances at me once more. Telling someone else about what we saw does make me feel crazy. How long have I been towing this line? Am I about to fall off the cliff? Or have I already lost my grip on reality?
