Page 40 of Rivals
“That’s…specific,” I say.
“I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust anyone completely. No one has given me a reason to, but you surprised me and gave me one,” she says.
“So, even though it’s against your better judgment, you’re going to try and trust me?” I ask her. My cold heart that barely beats feels like it’s about to come out of my chest. I feel like this moment is big. It’s pivotal for Revna but also for me because I get to be a part of it.
“I think I am.Trybeing the operative word. I guarantee nothing,“ she says. I nod.
“Then will you stay with me until this round is over?” I ask her again.
“I guess I will,” she says and stares at me.
“Then we should probably get to painting, shouldn’t we?” I suggest. She nods her head and bites her lower lip. I lean forward, and so does she. My mouth hovers over hers, and I want to dive into her. I want to swim through every part of her dark mind. I want to know the real reasons she doesn’t trust people. Her lips crash against mine, and a shift happens. It’s so strong it’s physically unmistakable. She gasps into my mouth. I know she felt it, too, like something locked into place, and now it’s solid. It fits into place so tightly there are no gaps, no movement on either end— whole.
Before she can pull away from me, my hand clasps the back of her neck, and I hold her against me. I feel like I’ve known the feeling of her lips, like we have been kissing for decades, if not lifetimes. She angles her mouth and swipes her tongue against mine in such a way it sends shudders down my spine. Every nerve ending in my body awakens with her touch, and I want to feel her skin on mine. I want to be as close as someone could possibly get to another. One. Singular. Whole.
I grab her leg and pull her to straddle my hips. My hands cup her cheeks, framing her beautiful face. I pull back to breathe but hold us just far enough apart to get air, then I kiss her cheek and her jaw gently, careful of her bruise. I begin to memorize her with my lips. The curve of her jaw and how it fits against the dip in my lips. I memorize the swoop of her cupid’s bow in my mind so I can make a replica of her lips with charcoal, paint, or clay with just the flick of my wrist.
“I think I found my muse,” I murmur against her lips. She gasps, and her breath fans over my nose.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s muse before. I don’t know if it’s a good thing,” she says, slightly out of breath. I press my lips to hers again.
“It is; it just means we were meant to find each other,” I whisper and peck my lips to hers.
“I don’t know how you could say something like that when this is the third time we’ve kissed. Maybe I’m just a really good kisser.”
I smile up at her, and my body thrums with hers on top of it, and I want to keep her here. Though my fingers twitch to get paper and charcoal and draw her at every single angle, I can think of. “Yeah, maybe that’s it,” I say and finally release her.
“We have work to do.”
“Ok.” She starts to get off my lap and I grab her hand. She stills and looks at me with her big coffee-colored eyes. “Let’s go without the drugs tonight.” Her expression drops, and something wars within her. She wants to argue with me. I can feel it the way her pulse speeds against my fingers at her wrist. But she doesn’t say a word and nods.
We go over to our practice painting, and I can see it coming to life. “I think it’s almost there,” I suggest.
She nods. “I do, too, but where do you want the light source coming from? Here or here? We know the focal point, so I think I should be here. If we are looking straight up, then it needs to be here.” She points to the center of the three pages.
“What if the light source spreads through all three?” Her eyebrow ticks up, and she tilts her head.
“That would take away from the ceiling aspect,” she says. We go back and forth, moving figures and shapes around until we agree on the layout. Her eyes grow a little brighter the longer we work. This is a part of Revna that only comes out when she is creating, and I wonder if it’s because we are doing it together.
You are two halves of a whole, Lachlan.
I try to hide the surprise I feel when the voice speaks up. Sometimes, I wonder if I am teetering on the edge of complete mental collapse. Or maybe I’m sick. I don’tfeelsick. Although I don’t think Van Gogh did, either.
Chapter 29
Revna
Ourhandskeptbrushingeach other as we finished our practice piece. A shiver runs down my spine every time we touch, and I have never wanted someone as much as I want Lachlan. He took care of me last night. I wasn’t alone for once in my brief and dark life. I could cry just looking at him.
I don’t trust people, but I want to trust him. I told him forty percent, but really, I think it’s more than fifty percent, which is a lot for me. What I can’t stop thinking about is if he does care…will he leave me? Anyone who has claimed to care for me has always hurt or left me. My own mother didn’t care enough about me to stay, so why would I believe that Lachlan would? He has no valid reason other than that I’m his muse and inspire him. Yet he wouldn’t give me a straight answer as to why.
And the way we kissed felt like I had known his lips for my entire existence. It felt like if I peeled back his shirt and unbuttoned his pants, I would have known exactly how to touch him. Though I would have liked to take something to stop the whirlpool within me or at least numb it a little today, I don’t seem to mind that it’s there. Maybe he’s my muse, too. Maybe he calms something in me to help me see past the constant splitting weight in my chest.
Lachlan stands behind me, closer than he needs to, and reaches over my head to tape another piece higher than I can put it. His hand drops to my waist, and I don’t push him off because I like the way his touch feels.
My mind goes to Ryan. I can’t believe I told Lachlan the truth. I regret what I did, even if I was honest with Ryan. But maybe it’s time for me to stop ignoring the overwhelming pull I have to Lachlan. I’ve never been able to make art this way before, and the only logical answer is him.
The hours fly by as we sketch out placement on the three large canvases. We’re getting closer to putting paint on canvas, and it’s making me more and more nervous. Lachlan ordered Kung Pao chicken and egg rolls, but I could hardly eat anything, even though it’s one of my favorite foods.
