Page 83 of Rivals
His chest is heaving, and his jaw is beautifully rock-solid, like a statue. “Aren’t you tired of being numb? Aren’t you tired of just floating around in nothingness?”
My eyes burn, but I push it back. “How do you know how I feel? You know nothing! I amdrowning, Lachlan. I don’t want to feel myself slowly suffocating under the weight of my shitty life! What is the damn point?“ I yell. I can’t keep the tears back as they fall down my face. My heart beats out of my chest, and my hands shake. I want to punch the wall. I want to rage.
Lachlan rushes me and grabs my face again to look me right in the eye. “It’s not worth the price, Revna. What you are giving up is notworth it,“ he says in a rushed voice as if I’m about to run away before he has the chance to speak.
“What does that mean?” I ask him, suddenly out of breath.
“Yourself, Revna. You arekilling yourselfwith this stuff. It’s doing nothing for you but pushing your feelings down. It’s still there, and it will come out somehow. I just…I don’t want it to come out in a way that takes you from me. So, please, I’m begging you. Please just don’t take anymore,“ he begs.
“But I have to,” my voice cracks.
“Just give me one week, Revna. One week,please,“ he says. I don’t know what to do without them. Being high is the only way I’ve been able to handle anything recently. It’s easier. I don’t think, I don’t obsess, I can just be.
I shake my head, and he drops his hands from my face. The anger is back tenfold as he paces the loft. “What do I have to say for you to understand this is bad? This is not good for you. It will break you again, Revna. I can’t see that again! Don’t you get that?! If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me!” he begs, pointing at himself so hard I hear a small thump. I feel like I’m going to puke. There’s a weight sitting so heavy on my chest it’s compacting my lungs. I can’t breathe. I try to take a painful, deep breath, but the feeling keeps growing and growing. It’s going to swallow me whole.
“I can’t, Lach, I can’t do it. I don’t… I can’t…”
Lachlan huffs and pulls at his hair. His eyes are glassy, and he looks like he’s on the verge of crying. His hands drop, and he yells into the ceiling. Then it suddenly cuts off, his wild eyes drill into me, then he grabs his keys and walks out the door.
Bile runs up my throat, and I run to the bathroom. I dry-heave as tears stream down my face. I hear banging on the door and take a deep breath, willing my body to stop trying to get rid of my stomach. I hurry to answer it, hoping it’s Lachlan.
I swing the door open without checking the peephole, and an older man stands at the door. “Uh, can I help you?” He looks me up and down and crosses his arms.
“I heard yelling. Are you ok, young lady?”
I nod rapidly, but he doesn’t seem to believe me. “Yes, I’m fine. Uh, thank you. I appreciate that you checked. Lachlan and I just got into a fight, that’s all.”
“Did he touch you?” he asks, his scowl deepening on his wrinkled face.
“Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. We just had a disagreement on an art project,” I say tentatively. He looks at me a little longer. I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but it is half the truth. I know Lachlan would never hit me.
“I’m right next door. If you need to get away, you come to me, ok?”
“But I don’t know you,” I say, confused by the compassion.
“It’s the right thing to do. My wife and I are here if you need someone, ok?” I nod again, and he retreats to his apartment next door.
I close the door behind me and flip the lock. The silence is deafening, and a sob bursts from my lips.He left. He didn’t stay. My legs feel too weak to hold me, and I land on my knees, gritting my teeth from the shock of pain that drives up my hips. I would run back to my place, but I can’t. I have no choice but to stay here. There is no way in hell I will walk the dark streets.
I’m stuck.
Chapter 51
Lachlan
Ihavenoideawhere I’m going. I just have to keep walking. I had to get out of there. I want to throttle her and beg on my hands and knees for her to stop this shit. It’s not like she can bring it with her to Italy. She’s just making things harder on herself. I asked her for a week because maybe she will see it’s worth feeling it all. She has the space to do it because I’ll be there. She just has to let me be there.
It’s one step forward and ten steps back. But will we ever be a few steps ahead? Is this how it’s always going to be? I know the drugs aren’t the only issue. They are part of a larger problem. I can’t force her to change. She has to want to stop taking them. She has towantto change.
I keep walking, and the warm spotlights cast an almost romantic glow over the street. Too much energy has built up in me, and I need to get it out. Otherwise, I can’t calmly talk to Revna, which is what she needs right now.
I find myself walking past her building and pulling to a stop. She wouldn’t go back, would she? Someone rented her room, but I’m sure Joshua would let her stay with him. He’s a nice guy. My gut burns, and I’m angry all over again. Should I go up and check? No, there’s no way she would have gotten here before me.
I decide to keep walking and come up to the same Gothic-style church I saw a few months ago. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of Revna. Which, admittedly, is kind of weird. Architecture probably shouldn’t remind you of another person, but here I am. It looks like it’s still open, and I feel like I should go in this time.
The heavy door opens into a small entryway with candles off to the side. The general area with pews lined on either end of an aisle goes to the end of the building, where an altarpiece hangs. It’s beautiful with a cross and Jesus carved out of stone. It must be old based on how it’s constructed.
It doesn’t look like anyone is in here, but I sense the need to be quiet. I find a pew and plop down into it. The arches and ribbed columns of the building don’t belong here in New York, but that’s kind of the beauty of this city. You wouldn’t think many things fit here, yet they do.
