Page 109 of Fighting For Light
She stands to fill her glass again, returning to her spot. Her slim finger passes under her eye as she says, “There were days when I wondered if it would be safer for me to send them to a boarding school or give them up for adoption. But I couldn’t do it. They’re my babies. They were everything I was fighting for. Without them, I had nothing but a question in my mind, wondering why God would allow this. Then I realized it was them. The boys were my purpose despite all the darkness around us. They didn’t ask for this, but they could rise above it.
“By the time I could finally get out from under Fred, we had been through so much together. Emerson was already eighteen. The time to give them up for adoption had passed. I knew that if we didn’t get far enough away and stay quiet, then he would come because it would make him look bad.
“A prominent political figure’s family leaving in the middle of the night is not good for the approval polls. His relationship with the Costas relies on his ability to make sure they can operate beyond the eyes of the law, which means no mess. A man that beats his wife and children is messy, especially if we went public with it. They made our role very clear to me when the boys and I were still with Fred. It was to stay quiet regardless of what was happening behind closed doors.
“Leaving Fred made us potential issues in the Costa’s eyes because it affected Fred. I think that’s why the man came. The Costas wanted us dead because it distracted Fred from doing his job. Fred must have convinced them we were more useful to him alive. Suffice to say, that night changed all of us, and it is clear to me that the situation has changed for everyone, but we’re prepared now,” she says, and I blow out a breath and rub my stomach to comfort myself—maybe the baby and me both.
“You know that saying, God won’t give us more than we can handle?” she asks.
I nod, knowing the phrase. I’ve always hated it.
“Well, I don’t think it’s true because then what’s the point? You only get stronger when you keep lifting heavier weights. You only run further if you keep adding miles. So it would make sense that He gives us more than we can handle, not only to make us stronger but to prepare us for harder things.” She leans over and places her hand on mine over my stomach. “Our family is bigger now, and I’m so thankful for that. I never thought any of my boys would find a woman. I think they were afraid of whatshe would be a part of…I hope you don’t hate me,” she whispers the last words.
I clasp her cold hand in mine while looking her in the eye. “I don’t hate you, Esmarie. You have endured so much. You’re right, though, maybe He was preparing you to rid the world of an evil.” What I don’t say is there is no question in my mind that Fred is the devil’s spawn. How obsessed and drunk on power do you have to be to go after your wife and children to use them until they are no longerusefulto you? If that’s not evil, I don’t know what is.
She squeezes my hand and then lets go. “I stopped asking myselfwhy Fred? And started asking myself how to be the mother I needed to be in order for me to get them out of a situation they were born into. I told God if He could do anything for me, He would get us out. We did, and I’m grateful every day. But I’ve always known it wouldn’t be that simple. I have to accept the consequences of my actions, and I’m willing to live with them. I wish the boys didn’t have to because I see how each of them carries it. Regardless, they were able to move on the best they could, and I’m proud of them for it. I’m proud of Kai for stepping up to be the man I knew he was always capable of being. I’m proud you are my daughter now, and I’m going to have a grandbaby. See, Cordi? There are always lights at the end of the tunnel.”
“I hope so,” I rasp.
She nods, padding out of the living room, and I sit there for so long I lose track of time until this kid kicks my bladder, and suddenly peeing is my top priority. Making my way up the fancy staircase, I go to our room to do my business, then lie down even though the sun is up and shining. I want to wait for Kai and see his face when he comes up those stairs from doing whatever it is he’s doing. He told me he didn’t want any more blood to stain my hands, but isn’t one drop just as branding as a whole bucket? Ijust hope he’s not covered in it when this is done. Regardless, all of it leaves a stain on you. No matter how much good you try to replace it with.
51
Kai
“Please, I don’t knowanything else. Please, just kill me,” Tyler groans.
I pace in front of him. Emerson and Liam stepped back so I could take the lead. I don’t usually, but the fact he was there to kill my wife flipped a switch and turned me into an animal. I don’t care how loud he screams or how much it hurts.
“You came after mywife!“ I sneer. “You are scum. You are the lowest of the low. She’spregnant!“ I roar and stab him in the hand.
He moans, and then I take the knife out, slicing his finger clean off. He screams so loud it makes my eardrums hurt, but I ignore it. He sobs, looking at his mutilated hand in shock as it squirts blood. I don’t bother trying to staunch it. He won’t last much longer. Though he deserves to die a slow and painful death.
“I am done letting you pieces of shit come after my family. You will be an example. I will be the one sending pieces of you back to your family as a message. They did this to you, you know. Theyare the ones who sent you to your death the moment you came after what’s mine!”
He flinches, and I slice another finger off. He cries out in agony, and then it suddenly cuts off. He passed out, and his head lolled to the side. I throw the knife on the table, leaving the room in disgust. I feel like a caged animal, and if anyone gets too close, I’ll rip their throat out.
I want to find Cordi and lie next to her. I don’t like doing this stuff, but this is the world my brothers and I were born into. These people, our father, don’t do things in half-measures. If we hadn’t taken the steps we did, we would be back under his roof with nowhere to go. I shudder at the thought and go to the bathroom. Blood is splattered on my face and hands. I’ll have to burn my clothes, all of our clothes. I rinse my face and stare into my bloodshot eyes. I could be going to hell when my time comes, but I hope that maybe, just maybe, He understands enough to forgive me. Men were sent to take my family from me, to take my child. I would have mowed them all down if I had to, and as bad as it sounds, I don’t think there was any other way for me to do it. They don’t play by the rules, so neither can we.
The other man Clarence brought is in the other room, still sedated. Emerson angles his head in the direction of that room, and I follow to help him hang the man from his wrists. When we’re done, we leave to let him wake up.
A moment later, Mom clicks down the stairs. Her eyes drag over me, then settle on Emerson. “Where is your brother?” she asks. I flick my thumb to the room with all of his computers. She nods and crosses her arms. “Did you learn anything?”
“Costas, like we thought.” I sigh.
She takes a deep breath and releases it like it takes tremendous effort. “Let me know if you find out anything else, okay?” We both nod. She turns to start up the stairs, then angles her head to the side. “I never wanted this for any of you.”Emerson and I glance at each other. “Your wife is currently upstairs waiting for you, Kai. Don’t make her wait much longer,” she says.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She goes back up the stairs, quietly closing the door behind her.
“Let’s get this over with,” I mutter. Emerson grunts in response and gets Liam.
Liam tried to find something on him, but the man is a ghost, which is not a good sign. Tyler, on the other hand, is barely breathing. I’m sure it won’t be long. That or Emerson might have mercy on him and take him out of his misery, though he deserves worse. I think we got all we could get from him.
The man, who is currently hanging from the ceiling with duct tape over his mouth, is glaring at Liam and me. The sound of a muffled gunshot makes the man jump, and his chains rattle with the movement. I guess Emerson had mercy on Tyler.
“We could have gotten more out of him,” Liam mutters.
