Page 18 of Fighting For Light
He hums and turns his head, looking me in the eye. My heart is about to pop out of its cavity, and my vision narrows. He means so much to me, but I don’t know if we will be able to stay friends after this. This is a big risk, and I could be ruining years of friendship, but I’m leaning into my reckless nature after holding myself back for over a decade. I can’t wait anymore.
“Yeah, gem? What’s wrong?” he asks.
I gulp.
“Why didn’t you kiss me last night?” I ask him.
“Gem,” he says roughly, putting his palm on my face.
“I don’t understand, Kai. I may not have ever said it to your face, so I’m saying it now. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time, and I think you love me, too, but—“ My voice breaks, and I take a shaky breath on the edge of tears. I didn’t want to cry. I still don’t, but how can I not when the love of my life is looking at me withpity? “Why won’t you let yourself love me back?” I ask thickly.
His hand stays on my face and swipes at a tear that slips down my cheek.Dammit. This is not the time for comfort. This is the time to make a move. So I do.
I crash my lips against his before he has a chance to say anything, and I swear my entire body, mysoul, sighs. He groans into my mouth and slips his tongue between my lips while his other hand slips underwater to my side, squeezing my ribs. I wrap my arms around his neck to get as close as I can, sinking into the moment I have dreamt and fantasized about for years. Then he rips his mouth away and drops his hands. His lips arepuffy, and his eyes are…I can’t read him. I don’t know what he’s thinking, and my chest gets tight. “Kai,” I gasp.
He shakes his head and swallows hard. Then he stands, and ribbons of water cascade down his taut stomach. I’m not even looking out of attraction. I just don’t understand what’s going on.
“I can’t do this, gem. We can’t do this, we can’t…we can’t be this. I’m sorry.” Then he climbs out of the water, disappearing from sight.
My whole body is frozen despite the hot tub. My eyes aren’t burning. I’m not crying like I thought I would with this response. No, it’s...nothing. I feelnothing. I am numb, and I don’t care. I got my answer. It’s not the one I wanted, but it’s the reality. So what do I do?
Rafe walks past me in his low-slung trunks and six-pack abs. He has close-cropped brown hair and tattoos running up and down his golden skin. All the guys are attractive, but I’ve only ever had eyes for one of them. I guess that doesn’t matter now. He winks and continues to the other side of the pool. Anger rises up hot and fast through me, and instead of crying, I want to do something else. So I lift my chin and step out of the hot tub like I own it.
I walk over to Rafe, smiling at him. “Hey, you did great today,” I say softly.
Something passes through his eyes, but he seems to shake it off. “Thanks, Cordelia. I appreciate it. I didn’t realize you were even watching me.”
“I was,” I say in a smoky tone.
He stares at me for a moment. “Can I get you a drink?”
I nod, and he steps down into the pool, holding his hand out to help me. We swim over to the poolside bar, and he floats down next to me onto a stool. I smile despite the rage coursing through my veins. But instead of letting it consume me, I use it.
“Daiquiri, please,” I tell him. He tells the bartender and orders himself a beer.
After a few sips, he leans forward. “I’m not trying to be rude, but you’ve hardly ever paid attention to me. I mean, I know I’m attractive and all, but…what gives?”
I swallow the scoff and bat my eyes at him. “I guess my panties, Rafe.” I smile, and then take another drink, my daiquiri almost gone. The liquid courage has helped quell the anger a bit. His mouth is open, and his eyes are wide. I smile and say, “Just because itseemedlike I’ve never paid attention to you doesn’t mean Ididn’t.”
“Cool,” he says and takes a swig of beer.
I giggle. “Yeah.”
“So uh…” he says, clearly at a loss for words. I’ve seen him with women. Typically, it’s him doing the smooth talking and leaving the girls speechless. I guess I have a way with words. I toss back the rest of my drink, lean forward, and meet his eyes. This may be a one-piece, but the front dips down to show off plenty of cleavage.
“Rafe, you can drop the small talk. We know each other. Maybe not that well, but I don’t really think it matters right now, does it?”
He grins and leans in, closing the space between us. “I don’t know, Cordelia, does it? You’re clearly the one in control here. Tell me what you want.”
He’s changing my mind about him very quickly. He’s a good rider, he’s full of himself, which is typically a turn-off, for really anyone, but tonight my body is entirely unbothered as warmth pools in my center, I lean forward, erasing the inches between us, and tilt my chin up to graze my lips against his.
“I want you,” I murmur against them.
He growls and grabs the back of my neck, hauling me to him. This man cankiss.
His tongue prods my lips, and I open for him. We groan at the sensation. I don’t feel the things I did with Kai, but that no longer matters. Those feelings no longer have a place in my heart or my mind. He grips my thigh and squeezes as I brace myself against his chest before pulling away. “I’m going to get us a room,” he says, a little breathless. I nod up and down in agreement, and his eyes flash fire. This might not be such a bad night after all.
11
