Page 14 of Fighting For Light
“What time is it?” I ask her. I haven’t checked and tend to forget what’s going on around me when it comes to her. It’s terrible for my focus before a competition.Or maybe it’s really good, and you’re just an idiot. Maybe Liam is actually right for once.
“It’s time for both of us to go to bed, but here we are,” she says. I glance at my phone. It’s two in the morning, but I’m suddenly not tired.
Cordelia grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and settles further into her seat. The couch is not that big, so she’s leaning more into me. I lift my arm on the back of the sofa, and she snuggles next to me. I don’t mind this and have never told her no. If it’s the only thing I can have with her, I’ll take it.
Erin Brockovich yells at her new next-door neighbor working on his sweet Harley, and I chuckle. I’d imagine it’s quite annoying having a biker anywhere near you when you have a baby you’re trying to put to sleep. I’d probably be pissed, too.
Cordelia looks up at me, and I can feel the stare. I can feel the longing radiating from her because it’s burning off of me. My head turns of its own volition. We’re so close. It would be so easy to just lean in and feel those beautiful lips against mine. It would be so easy to see how far we could go. She leans in, and my body automatically draws closer. “Gem,” I rasp.
“Kai,” she says gently. Her chin tilts up, giving me permission. I want to take it. I want to take it so badly, but I can’t. I won’t ever be able to. At the last second, I bypass her lips and land onher cheek. I kiss her, lingering before pulling away. Her bright tides go stormy, and I can see the hurt all over her face.
I don’t back down, I own my choice. Of course, I would like to kiss the hell out of her. I want to take her mouth and own her. I want to be the air she needs to breathe. But I can’t.
“I’m going to go to bed,” she says and sits up, tossing the blanket to the side.
I clear the rocks from my throat and stand with her, the movie forgotten. “Let me walk you.”
“It’s twenty feet. I’ve got it, Kai,” she snaps.
“Five feet, ten feet, it doesn’t matter, gem,” I grumble. She huffs, and I follow her out the door.
“Night,” I grunt.
“Yeah,” she says and spins on her heel. I walk a few steps with her, then stop to watch her reach her trailer, open the door, and close it behind her. I wanted to call out to her and tell her to come back. But I keep my lips sealed and let Liam’s words keep rolling around in my head. It’s like I have two different wheels going at the same time, and I can’t control the speed. Eventually, I’m going to lose control.
8
Cordelia
I didn’t sleep lastnight. But I’m wide awake right now. The morning was spent staring at Kai over the edge of my computer screen as he worked on his bike and worked out. He uses free weights because it’s easier for travel, and it’s like my own personal show.
We’re in Las Vegas in the middle of July, and it’s just north of sweltering. I would be inside our trailer where it’s nice and cool, but my view would not be nearly as good. Kai throws his kettlebell over his shoulder and dips down in a one-legged lunge. He stands up straight and does it again. Eventually, he moves on to push-ups, and I think I’m about to melt, but it’s not because of the heat. I do have a deadline to meet, but it’s important to be one with nature and take in all the…sights. She says, sitting in a parking lot.
After he finishes his push-ups, he grabs a bigger kettlebell and starts doing squats. His back is to me, with his sweaty shirt clinging to his body. He grunts with the exertion as he slowly squats down before standing back up to his full height. The guys work out in the morning after their practice time. Everyone hasalready been at the track to get a feel for it. Now they have to wait, which is always the worst part.
I haven’t stopped thinking about our almost kiss—the kiss I have wanted for the past decade. We were about to come full circle. At the last second, he chickened out, and I don’t want to think it was something I did…but maybe it was. I could see the look in his eyes, the way his body leaned into mine. He wanted it, too. I made it very clear that he could kiss me. He could do whatever he wanted to me, and I would thank him, that much I do know. Yet, he kissed me on the cheek, and I ran away like a scared little girl. I should have asked him about it right then and there. Instead, I tossed and turned in bed. My dad kept giving me weird looks this morning. Now I’m watching Kai work out and wishing we were working outtogether.I am pathetic.
My phone dings with an email, making me jump and knock over my water bottle. It makes athunkon the plastic table. Kai turns and glances at me. I make myself look busy and subtly pick up my water bottle.
I go back to typing aimlessly. I’m not actually typing anything in the email I was about to send to a client. I keep typing and peek over my screen again as I hit another button, and it makes a whooshing sound. My heart drops to my toes.I just sent the email!I fumble to click the undo button and thankfully, it worked. My eyes pop over the screen again, and Kai is standing there with one hand on his hip and the other lifted to his brow, blocking out the sun.
“You alright over there, gem?” he asks.
My heart thuds, and I sputter for words. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I squeak.
He stares at me a little longer while I stare at his gold necklace glinting off the sunlight. Then he turns, going back to his workout. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep longing for someone who doesn’t want me back. I need to do something. Ineed to make a move that is unmistakable, put it all out there, and leave it all in his hands. I’m tired of waiting for Kai, so this will be my last ditch effort. If he pushes me away again, then I’ll stop trying and work on letting go, but I won’t know if I don’t try.
***
Music blares in the stadium as the teams warm up their bikes on the dirt track. The bright lights spin around the space in a light show, increasing the excitement. The seats are almost completely full, and I lift my camera to snap a few photos of the fans with their jerseys or t-shirts representing their favorite teams. I spot a few people with each of the Outlaw’s numbers. I smile at the small kids wearing Kai’s number. I wonder if he realizes other kids look up to him and people come to see him compete amongst all the other riders.
The guys speed past me, going up and down a few rollers before the first rounds start. I walk around the dirt, taking a few more photos until the announcer comes over the loudspeakers. Cheers roar, and I go back to the edge where our team gathers. I step off to the side while Dad goes through everything with them.
I’m nervous for Kai. I doubt he is, but I’m even more on edge with freestyle, even though I know it’s his favorite. He nods at Dad with the rest of the guys, then spares me a glance. My face goes hot. He locks eyes with me before giving me our signal and pulls his helmet over his head. He kickstarts his bike, revs the throttle, and they all go off to the side to wait for their turn.
My camera feels heavy in my palms as I raise it to my eye and focus on doing my job. Our sponsors have liked what I’ve provided for the past few years. I make a point to update and adjust the way I take pictures to keep them fresh and interesting. Even though I hate watching the guys let go of their bikes, it’spretty cool to watch them do wild moves while they float in the air for mere seconds.
There is a reason so many people love this sport. It’s exhilarating to watch, like bull riding or boxing. You’re simply watching, and your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest. Or maybe that’s just me.
