Page 4 of Fighting For Light
He and Dad have called me that since we were young, and I’m really tired of the childish nickname. Shrugging, I roll my eyes back at him. “After all these years, why do you always just listen? You never tell me anything. I know you have your two brothers and your mom, and little things you tell me, like your favorite color, blue. Why is that?” I’ve wanted to know the answer to this ever since we became friends. He would ask me questions and listen intently, but that was it.
“Cordelia, where is this coming from?” he asks.
Sliding my hands into my pockets, I frown, wondering why he used my full name. “Kai, you’re my best friend. We talk all the time, and yet you won’t… I don’t know… tell me how you’re feeling or if you’re dating a girl. Really, anything would be nice.”
His eyes lift from his bike, and I realize he caught on to my hint. “I know, I’m sorry, but…there are things you don’t know, things that I can’t tell you about. If I did, you’ll probably never want to be my friend again.”
I jerk back, confused by his tone. “What does that mean?”
He stands and takes a step closer. “It means, Cordi, this is all I can be.… Your friend.”
My heart seizes in my chest, and I force a breath into my lungs. Those aren’t the words I wanted to hear, but I’m a persistent girl. One day, I will break down that tall, thick wall to get to his heart. We are meant to be. I realize many would say I’m entirely too young to have thoughts like that. I’ve hardly lived. But I’ve also heard the saying when you know, you know, and Iknow. I don’t know when or how, but I love Kai Coldwell, and I’m sure I always will. The bigger question is: will he ever love me back, or will he let whatever he’s using to keep me away as a means to keep us apart forever?
3
Kai
Present Day
Cordelia walks past meto her and her dad’s trailer. We’re in Arizona for a race and freestyle competition next. After what we had to do at home, I’m ready to get back on the bike. I drove all night to get back here in time. Being out on the open road, just me and my bike, helped clear my head. Our plan to protect our mother feels tenuous, but Esmarie Coldwell is one of the strongest women I know.
I can’t imagine not being there for the woman who kept us alive when she barely had the strength to get up every day. If I could kill my sperm donor, I would.Wewould. But it’s not that simple. He’s a well-known career politician.
Fred Coldwell is beholden to many people. If we get rid of him, then they will come after us to get the money he surely owes them. They arealreadywatching us, and it would only make things worse. Now is not the time to go in half-cocked. We have to play this smart and stick to the plan: take turns with Mom, beef up her security, and figure out how to end all of this by getting ahead of him. Beat him at his own twisted power games.
My mind goes back to Cordi, my best friend, for as long as I’ve been in motocross. She has been in my life for years, becoming a part of it without realizing it until it was too late. Growing up, I couldn’t wait for her to visit or come to stay with her dad in the summers.
I wish we could be what she wants us to be romantically, but the last thing I want is to involve her in the shit storm that is my life or put her in danger when she has nothing to do with this. I make a point of staying as far away from romantic attachments as possible. There are very few things that would change that for me. It’s not fair to her or me, but I don’t want anyone else caught in the crosshairs.
Other than my brothers, she’s my only friend, and I think I’ve loved her since the first time I saw her. It doesn’t matter, though, because I can never have her.
But I can love her from afar.
***
Kai
Tears fall down my face as I stare out at the dark track. The surrounding lights shut off seconds ago, telling everyone it’s time to go home. I have training in the morning, but my whole body is sore. I want to sleep for maybe three weeks or so. That would be nice. It’s been two years since we left Dad. I’m sixteen, and I feel like my life is already over. All Mom has me doing is train, school, motocross, repeat.
I wish I could be a regular kid. I wish I could take Cordi out on a date and be more than friends. She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I don’t really care if she’s a year younger than me, either. She’s mature and could maybe love me that way. But I can’t because I can’t do anything like normal kids, and it sucks.
“Kai?” Cordi’s soft voice startles me, and I quickly brush my tears away. Sixteen-year-olds don’t cry. “Are you okay?” she asks.
Keeping my eyes on the dark track, I shrug. It gets creepy at night. All the hills and shapes start to look like a monster coming for you in the dark. Only I live in a waking nightmare. Sometimes, I wake up at night and walk around the house just to make sure he’s not there.
“You know, you’re kind of being a creeper standing out here in the dark. Isn’t your mom coming to get you?”
I take a deep breath. “Yeah, she is. I haven’t had the chance to get my license yet. I will soon, though.”
“Cool, maybe we can go joyriding,” Cordi says, smiling.
Her smile makes me smile. “Yeah, that could be really cool.”
“I wanted to hug you because Dad is taking me back to the airport tomorrow. I have to go home since spring break is over.”
I sigh and turn, hugging her to me. She’s still small, but she’s grown a few inches compared to my five foot eight. Also, her hips are curvier than when I last saw her. I lay my cheek against the top of her honey-smelling head and take a deep breath, trying to keep it in my lungs. “I’ll miss you, Cordi.”
“I’ll miss you too. Just a few more years, then we can travel all over the country and I can take pictures of you doingtsunamis.”
