Page 51 of Fighting For Light
“Will you stay?” she asks me, stepping closer.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to since we’ve been staying in the RV together, but I thought you might want the bed to yourself.”
She smiles softly and holds out her hand. “That might have been the truth a long time ago, but it certainly isn’t now. I know we’re doing everything backward and maybe even a little sideways, but I want my future husband right here.”
“I love you, gem.”
“I love you, too,” she says.
“Are you okay?” she asks, and I nod, avoiding her gaze, and sit down on the edge of the bed. She steps up to me, standing between my legs. I spread them wider, and she steps closer as I place my hands on her hips. “Do you…do you not want me?” she asks.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, rubbing my thumbs over the crease in her hips.
“Because I’m pregnant,” she whispers. “Because I’ve told you over and over again that I want you. I want us to take that step together. I’ve been ready to take it with you for a long time, but you keep telling me no.”
I lean my forehead against her belly, and she gasps as I feel something beneath her robe. I lift my head quickly and look up at her. “What?” I ask as her hand flies to her belly. My heart throttles in my chest like a V8 going two hundred down the road.
“Did you feel that?” she asks. I nod and she unties her robe, revealing her tanned skin as reaches down and grabs my hand. She takes it, smoothing it across her stomach and then stops. “Right there,” she whispers. “He responds to you,” she says, her voice full of awe. I look up from her stomach and tears fall from her eyes. “He kicks when you do that.”
“It’s a boy?” I ask her. She shrugs, holding my hand on her belly.
“I don’t know, I just have a feeling. What do you want?” she asks.
My throat feels dry, and I think I’m going to have a heart attack. “I…I don’t know. I never thought about it.”I never thought I’d have kids. Not because I didn’t want them but because I was terrified of becoming like my father.
“I didn’t either, and I don’t know if it matters to me, but I was curious about what you thought.”
“It doesn’t matter to me either. I’ll love this kid like they are my own.”
The baby kicks again, and she giggles. The sensation under my hand is bizarre and amazing.
“That tickles,” she says, grinning.
“I can’t imagine how that feels,” I murmur and kiss her stomach one more time. She yawns, and I stand. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“You never answered my question. You can tell me. I…I want to know.”
I look down at this beautiful wonder of life, grabbing her face between my hands. I draw my thumbs back and forth on the underside of her jaw and lean forward to kiss her forehead.
“I told you I want you so badly it hurts. But…I don’t think I can be gentle with you, gem. I don’t think I’ll have the restraint left in my body the moment I get to take you. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt the baby or something. I couldn’t live with myself if—“
She grins up at me. “That’s what this is? It’s not because I have stretch marks or an extra inch on my thighs?”
“Why would it be? I don’t care about any of that. You’re beautiful to me; stretch marks and whatever else you said,” I tell her and kiss her nose this time.
Cordi pushes her fingers on my chest, forcing me to sit back down. She puts her hands on my shoulders, lifting a leg one at a time to straddle me, pushing each side of her robe back as italmost falls off her shoulders. She grabs my face between her palms and takes my mouth, owning it, owningme.
“I have done all the internet searches and asked all the questions. You won’t hurt me. It’s whatever works for us.”
“Are you sure?” I ask her. She nods and kisses me again. I lay back, bringing her with me. She slides off my lap to her side, bringing my mouth with her and keeping one leg between mine. I grip her butt firmly, holding her body as close as I can. Hunger builds in my stomach, and I push her onto her back, getting on all fours above her. I press a kiss on each cheek down to her collarbone and land between her breasts. She whimpers and runs her fingers through my hair.
Sitting up, I gaze down at her and graze my hands over her stomach again.
“You really like touching my belly, don’t you?” she asks.
I nod, staring at the small swell of her abdomen and how her whole body has accommodated the change. “You amaze me,” I whisper.
She sits up on her elbows, and I kiss her again, tasting the sweetness of what it means to love her. How itfeelsto love her. She tastes like honey, and the one good decision I’ve made in my life. I turn us again so she’s on her side and slip my hand between her thighs.
