Page 95 of Fighting With Light
“I know you’re trying to be cute and all, but it’s too damn early for this.”
“I can carry you,” he says. I sit back up. The fan is on high, whipping cool air around and brushing my skin and I don’t want to move.
Lifting my arms to him like a child, he picks me up as if I weigh nothing. Safely in his arms, he takes us to the shore in the dawn of morning.
I look up at him as he watches where he steps and rest my head on his shoulder. I feel a brief press of his lips on my forehead and can’t help the smile that grows on my lips.
We reach the shore and he sits down, putting me in his lap angled toward the east where the sun will rise. “Comfortable?” he asks. I nod and lean into him. It’s not cold by any means, but the cool breeze in my pajamas makes me shiver a little. He wraps his arms around me, resting his cheek on my head.
“Why did you want to watch the sunrise?” I ask him.
He hums. “I don’t know, I just felt like it was something we should do.”
“You’re a secret romantic, aren’t you?” I ask him.
The flowers, the dinners, the dates, thesex,well, no, it’s more than that, it’s so much more thanjustsex, he has madeloveto me. I’ve hadjust sex,it’s borderlineemotionless and entirely unfulfilling, but it’s fun. But even then, the fun was wearing off, and I got to the point where I was just feeling…empty and used. I realized I was hurting myself more than enjoying myself. Before I met Liam, it was starting to become that for me. It’s part of the reason I came to Bali, I wanted to try something different.
Then I met him.
“This might creep you out,” Liam starts.
“This ought to be good,” I mumble into his neck and kiss his pulse, beating against my lips.
“I’ve known about you for a long time. It’s why you probably caught me looking at you funny in Bali.”
“Or maybe why you handcuffed me to your bed?” I suggest. “You know, speaking of that, we haven’t used those handcuffs for something fun yet,” I say, smiling.
He huffs a laugh. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to do that, to begin with, and threw them away. I don’t want to see you in those ever again. It makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Okay. We don’t have to do any of it,” I say, running my hand through his hair, and his shoulders drop a little.
“I was there…when you were in Hawaii.” I tilt my head, trying to figure out which time because I feel like I wouldn’t have missed him. He’s hardnotto pay attention to.
“When?” I ask.
“Like six or seven months ago? I lost track.”
“Why?” I ask him.
“Um…you’re going to hate me,” he sighs and glances at me, then back at the ocean.
“I doubt that, but continue.”
“Your dad and mine had gone after my family, they uh…they hurt my mom. And I’m not proud to admit it, but I figured you could be leverage if we needed it so I figured out where you were going and followed.”
My heart thuds in my chest, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. Liam’s arms tighten around me like he’s afraid I’ll get up and run away. “It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used me as leverage, but you would have found out he wouldn’t have done much to save me. It would have been no different from when I was thirteen.”
“That’s…”
“Messed up?” I finish for him.
He grunts and kisses my temple.
“It’s important to know your enemy in war. I’m not mad about it. Though I wish you told me sooner,” I tell him, nuzzling my nose into his neck. When you are from a world like ours, these things come with the territory. If we weren’t what we are, I know deep down he wouldn’t have hurt me. Keep me hostage? Sure. But he would have never intentionally caused me pain, at least, I don’t believe he would have. People do crazy things to protect those they love. It doesn’t matter, though, I’m past it. I didn’t realize he wasn’t.
“I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t freak you out. I didn’t think it was necessary, but the more time we’ve spent together...” He falls silent and I watch him look at the water before his gaze slowly comes back to mine. “You deserve to know that I’ve learned as much as I can about your family as a means to protect mine.”
I rest my head back on his shoulder, the pink and orange sky continues to get brighter as the blues and purples mix.
