Page 100 of A Curse On Black Lake
I tilt my head and shift, trying to find an answer to his loaded question.
He grunts. “Careful there, little witch.”
A smile grows on my face. “Sorry,” I rasp, trying to ignore theheatpumping through my veins. I’m overwhelmed, that’s all this is.Yeah. That’s it.
“Nothing to be sorry about,” he says. His hands slide to my hips and squeezes them. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve held a woman in my hands. I don’t know where to start.”
My heart pounds, and I admire the sunset over his shoulder. It doesn’t matter that I trust him, that he makes me feel good, seen, treasured. There is too much going on for both of us to put energy into this. I shouldn’t have let him kiss me.
His stomach grumbles, and I chuckle. “Hungry?” I ask him.
Killian shrugs. “Yes, but I want to know what’s on your mind.”
“I’m not sure,” I mumble.
His expression drops, and I can see the hurt all over his face, but he hides it well. I hate that I did that to him, but it’s the truth, and the last thing I want to do is break the trust we have built together as friends.
“Eliana,” Killian grunts.
I lift my eyes to his.
“I can wait. Take all the time you need,” he says.
My eyes burn. “You care for me that much?” I ask him because it’s truly hard for me to believe that anyone would.
“Yes, but … we will talk. I want to know what’s on your mind, even if that means waiting for you to figure out where you are because there is no doubt in my mind now.”
His eyes widen briefly, like he wasn’t supposed to say that, but he did.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He drags his thumb over my chin, and I get off of his lap and pull my boots off before heading to the kitchen. I need to busy my hands so I don’t maul him with my mouth.
I need to think, and it’s hard to do that around him.
It is okay to love someone new.
“What the hell do you know?” I mumble.
Killian gives me a look, realizing I’m talking to the Spirits, not him.
As we make dinner, my mind goes to the list of things that I need to get done at home. It keeps growing, and I’m a little worried about my garden. It should be fine in terms of watering, but the last thing I need is to lose a plant because I wasn’t paying attention to pest control or proper pruning. Grams would be disappointed if I did.
Killian keeps brushing my arms or grazing my back, and it takes everything in me to keep my hands to myself. He’s messing with me because he can. But I’m still here, still hoping he’ll do it again.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe I like the pain of self-denial. Am I a masochist?
No, my child, you are afraid. There is a difference.
“Is there? Because I can’t see it.”
You may not be ready to give your heart to someone new because it’s still in pieces from the loss of your grandmother. That is okay. Killian will wait. He has shown you the man he is, so let him be that for you.
“Even if that we’re the case there is too much going on right now.”
Life does not wait for you to be ready, Eliana. It is not a thing that you can pause and prepare yourself for. It is a current. You must ride it because its direction is out of your control. There is no fighting it, child. Accept your place in this and the rest will come.
